Reeva Dubois

MVD 7-19-10 Katie Melua / The Flood

2010-07-19T00:20:00.005-04:00

Currently obsessed with this song and video:

It takes a lot of guts to perform on a teeter-tottering piano. I would find it impossible to concentrate on my fingering. Also, I would immediately lose my breakfast.

As an aside, this singer, Katie Melua, who I’ve never heard of, has been around forever – and quite successful – in the UK. Hey Internets, let’s not take so long next time, k? Holding out on me…

Catching up, Part 1...

2010-07-15T21:40:00.003-04:00

The prospect of reviving this blog has been overwhelming. In fact, I considered just starting over. Reeva Dubois Part Deux has a nice ring to it, no? When I think about what my first few posts should be about, my brain resembles a game of whack-a-mole, except in my brain, the moles are all coming up at the same time and my hammer is the size of a toothpick. But I say, ON GUARD, foul moles. I will vanquish you in good time.

The most important thing that has happened (and I think everyone will agree with me on this) is this little munchkin…

His name is Oliver. He is many things. He is a Boston Terrier. He is somewhat mentally challenged. He is a hermaphrodite. But above all, he is my favorite creature on the entire planet. God totally screwed up when he put this little nugget together, and for that reason, he is precious to me.

The story of our meeting is legend, and so, if you will permit… what had happened was…

I met Oliver on a rather warm, sticky day in late August of last year. A week before, I was talking with a co-worker about how I was this close to being ready to let a dog into my life. I’d spent some time brooding over the details (breed, size, food costs, associated fees from the apartment complex) and come to the conclusion that by about, say, Christmas?, I’d be ready to welcome a canine companion into my crappy-ass apartment. A short while after confessing to my co-worker that I was almost ready to have a dog, she came into my office to tell me about a family member of hers who was having issues with their new dog.

Like so many people, he had his reasons for wanting a dog – a dog will teach his children valuable lessons about responsibility or a dog will protect his property from thieves and rapists – but, like so many people, he didn’t realize that these benefits come with a price. He hadn’t considered everything that comes with dog ownership, like food and vet care and exercise and THEY WILL TOTALLY DESTROY YOUR HOUSE UNLESS YOU KEEP THEM COMPLETELY ENTERTAINED AT ALL TIMES. Since you know where this story is headed, it shouldn’t be a surprise to you that the little dog this man purchased didn’t quite live up to expectations.

You see, he was just a puppy, and predictably, rather hyperactive. Also, he has these things called claws that he couldn’t quite control around the furniture (HOW DARE HE MOVE ABOUT HIS TERRITORY ENGAGING WITH THE OBJECTS AROUND HIM), and he has these things called teeth that somehow found their way into and around the fingers and toes of the children (HOW DARE HE NOT UNDERSTAND THE PROTOCOL FOR AVOIDING HUMAN APPENDAGES THAT ARE THRUST TOWARDS HIS HEAD AT UNPREDICTABLE INTERVALS). And so, after a few unfortunate incidents, the little dog was exiled to the backyard. And by exiled, I mean tied to a stake underneath the deck. To be fair, his accommodations weren’t completely unfortunate. The rope to which his neck was tethered was long enough that he could find shelter under the deck in times of intense heat or driving rain. They took care to give him enough food and water (that is, if the aforementioned intense heat or driving rain didn’t ruin it before he could consume it). Hell, they even gave him a ball (that inevitably found its way out of his reach). And so it was for several months, until gradually, the family stopped paying him any attention at all, except when they remembered to feed him or hose the crap off of him.

It was my co-worker who, upon a visit to the house, noticed the dog and thought, “This sucks… I wonder if Ryan…” Which brings us back to me and my co-worker sitting in my office talking about it. After lunch that very day, we got in the car and drove to the house to meet the poor animal. No one was home, so we went around back and there he was: shy but excited, jumpy but gentle, dirty as all hell with a back leg that struggled to support his weight and all kinds of scratches around his face. There was poo everywhere. After a few moments of trepidation, he hopped over, reared up on his hind legs (one good, one not so good) and greeted me like he’d known me forever. I could tell he appreciated the attention. In fact, he was desperate for it. He reminded me very much of Oliver! --- all, “Please sir? Can I have some more?”

And I was all, “YEEEEESSSSSSSSS!!!!” I didn’t even care that he’d covered my pants with what was probably sh*t.

Now I have to be fair here. Was this an Animal Cops: Spartanburg, SC situation? Probably not. While he was very clearly not in great shape and his conditions were certainly not enviable, I can’t say that he looked like he was being abused. Neglected, perhaps, but not abused. Also, Oliver’s predicament is not uncommon. A lot of folks down here have dogs that they keep outside and ignore. I don’t get it, of course, because to me… that’s like having a dog for no reason. The dog might as well be a lawn ornament or a tree. Why have a dog if you aren’t going to do doggy things? Why invite an instinctually social creature to your home but not actually let it INTO your home? It doesn’t make any sense.

So I told my co-worker to call this family member of hers and ask about Oliver’s fate. She learned that the lady of the house was spitting mad about a rug that Oliver had ruined. And the kids didn’t like to play with Oliver because he tended to nip. And since the dad didn’t have any use for Oliver either, he wouldn’t mind speaking to the family about the possibility of giving Oliver away. The turnaround wasn’t long and by the end of that day, I was in escrow.

Later that week, Lil Sis and I drove up to the house (again, no one was home), went to the back and had ourselves a good old-fashioned dognapping. Taking him away from that place, a place where he was isolated, unloved, and taken for granted, felt like a rescue mission. We bathed him, took him to the vet to get his shots (and ask about the bum leg), went for a walk, and then went home. And y’all… we’ve never looked back.

Even though I pat myself on the back sometimes about removing a beautiful animal from a crappy situation, the truth is Oliver has rescued me. Since having him around, I haven’t fallen into my usual cycles of depression that previously haunted me. I’m more productive around the house and in better shape thanks to our daily walks (those daily walks have also worked wonders on his leg). He’s friendly and outgoing, which I’m not, so he has helped me meet the neighbors. Yeah… I’d say it was a mutual rescue from start to finish.

There are lots of stories to share (I’m sure you’re wondering about that whole hermaphrodite thing), and I’ll get around to those eventually. But I’m happy to present Oliver as the first post-hiatus entry on this blog, because he’s my favorite thing about the past year, and hopefully for many years to come.

Hide the children!!!!

2010-07-12T23:14:00.003-04:00

After a hiatus of OVER A YEAR!! Reeva Dubois will shortly be back in business.

There's so much to discuss... so much has happened... so much to tell...

I've been making some lists of the things I just HAVE to deal with on this blog and I've come to the conclusion that it's probably a good thing I've been away. Isn't there enough about Lady Gaga on the internet already?

Stay tuned!!

Greeting, Internets…

2009-06-12T18:37:00.000-04:00

Long time, huh??

To make a long story short: my computer is a piece of shit and I hate it.

To make a long story long: Back in March, my computer contracted a nasty little virus. It mocked me and teased me and made me feel like less of a person. I haven’t encountered bullying of this magnitude since middle school. However, just as in life, I overcame the virus/bully with fortitude and elbow grease (I erased Internet Explorer and downloaded Firefox, which is supposed to be better about virus prevention). So my computer was fixed (ish) but I was rather unnerved and vexed about the whole thing, and my time online decreased significantly (it didn’t help that all I was blogging about was Dancing with the Stars, which was fun, but I have a tendency to lose steam with those recaps, as you’ve probably noticed). And then, about halfway through the month of May, Firefox, which had been running like a champ, allowed the granddaddy of all computer viruses to attack, plunder, and disembowel my computer like a one of those rogue assassins you hear about on TV, and all I could do was watch helplessly as it hijacked my internet connection, f*cked with all of my settings, and erased half of my shit. Indeed, this grown man surely did cry.

Now I could take you through all the details of how I attempted to rectify the situation, but that’s boring. All you need to know is after several consultations with wise and learned peeps all over town, my computer was pronounced dead, or at least so badly damaged that the cost of repair would be equal to or greater than the cost of a new machine. It was like the virus was actually a bus and it had run over my hard drive extremely slowly multiple times. T to the O to the taled.

So that should explain why I haven’t posted in almost three months. A year or two ago, this wouldn’t have been the end of the blog, because I did most of my blogging at work, but now… what with all of my new responsibilities and the INCREDIBLY FAT RAISE I GOT, spending time writing about TV shows and books and movies and hot guys just isn’t in my job description.

It also sucks that I can’t take the time to participate in my friends’ blogs as much as I used to, but know that I still read and follow faithfully when I quickly plow through my Google Reader during my lunch hour. Just imagine that after every single one of your posts, I’ve commented with a heartfelt LOL or a CONGRATS ON YOUR GOOD NEWS or THIS IS A GOOD POST or a LOVE!! Because I am totally doing that in spirit.

And you should also know that I’m saving my pennies for a new computer (a MAC, because I can’t deal with this virus shit EVER AGAIN!), and once I have them the blogging will recommence with a vengeance. That might not happen until frikkin’ Halloween, but it WILL happen. Until then… Ryan D. aka Reeva Dubois.

Dancing with the Stars Week 5...

2009-04-21T00:07:00.000-04:00

I suppose I should start by shouting a MEA CULPA to the heavens for getting behind on these recaps. The truth is I’ve been a little down in the dumps for the past couple of weeks; not for any specific reason, just my usual ups and downs. Sometimes I think I might be a teensy bit bi-polar.

What’s that?

Excuse me: the voices in my head are teasing me about my use of the word ‘teensy’. The point is, my petite depressions are not conducive to good blog posts. So by not writing anything, I was actually doing the blogosphere a favor. So really, you guys should be thanking me.

Where was I? Ah, yes… Dancing with the Stars. Last time we talked, Holly Madison and Steve Wozniak had just been booted. Nobody gave a crap about Holly, but some people were sad to see Steve go. I, meanwhile, was completely over him the second he stopped caring about dancing well, which I think was around Week 2. He’s a nice guy, but it was definitely his time to go.

This week, the remaining couples will learn either the Viennese Waltz or the Paso Doble. A Paso Doble week without our dear Maxsim is absolutely TRAGIC and maybe even a little pointless, but we will press on, for we must.

Jump on it...
Up first are Chuck and Julianne with the Viennese Waltz. The stress of all of this seems to be getting to Julianne. Not only can she not put her make-up on properly (don’t forget the neck, darling)…

But she can’t decide how to treat her boyfriend slash dance pupil during rehearsals. Should she treat him like any other student (whips, chains, abusive language intended to degrade and humiliate), or like her boyfriend (whips, chains, abusive language intended to degrade and humiliate… and whipped cream)? The show is desperate to convince us that Chuck is improving from week-to-week, but really, I think the dances are just getting easier. The routine is very nice – you know I enjoy Julianne’s choreography most of the time – but Chuck is his usual lop-sided, awkward self out there. The boy just can’t do graceful, and since he’s still concerned about looking effeminate, I doubt very much that he’ll ever apologize for his lack of finesse. Until he learns to let all that go, he’ll always look like an inebriated duck while he dances, unless it’s a Latin dance, in which case he’ll look like un pato boraccho. The dance ends with Chuck on bended knee, Julianne looking coy and surprised, and me vomiting all over my new rug. The judges are more or less pleased with this performance, claiming that Chuck finally performed, as opposed to simply going through the motions. If he continues to gain confidence, the footwork and finesse should follow. Chuck is so pleased by the comments, he decides to ride the pony…

Backstage, Samantha can’t resist teasing about the bended knee moment, and asks the couple if it was supposed to tell us something. Thankfully, Chuck answers with a flat and too-quick NO, which probably hurt Julianne’s feelings but saved me from having to re-shampoo the carpet. They score a 23.

The first Paso of the night belongs to Lawrence Taylor and Edyta. Like last week, Lawrence continues to struggle with musicality and character, which unfortunately cannot be taught, especially in the limited time-span of one week. Also difficult: capes. I love this Dancing with the Stars tradition. Paso Doble week equals lots of mishaps with capes. It never gets old.

Edyta really looks like she needs a drink. Me too, and make it a double. Sadly, no amount of hard liquor can make this dance good. The music is awful (whoever is playing the synth-strings should be shot), the choreography is dull and pedestrian, and Lawrence looks like he would rather be at his own funeral. It’s ten times worse than last week’s Tango, and for all the same reasons. These Latin dances are supposed to be passionate and fiery. Lawrence just looks angry. And bored. He’s bored angry! Even though we’re five weeks in, he is still as self-conscious and internalized as he was in week one. At some point… you just have to let all that junk go and just DANCE (it’ll be ok, da da an do do)! His movements are lazy and sluggish, like he’s underwater, and since we know he’s a terrific athlete, we can only assume that this lethargy comes from fear. Bruno, who likes to confuse angry and bored with strength and power, thinks Lawrence captured the mood of the dance quite well, Carrie Ann blames the music, and Len thinks it was his best dance so far (which is just sad). Backstage, Samantha asks Lawrence how he managed to channel all of that ~~anger~~ ~~boredom~~ aggression, and he tells this awkward story about how his friends told him that if he loses he will have to give them all lap-dances. I think we’ve just identified where his fear comes from. His Passive-aggressive Paso scores a 20.

Shawn Johnson is still smarting from the judges’ less-than-favorable reception of her floor-exercise inspired Lindy Hop, so this week she and Mark are going to stick to the strict definition of the Viennese Waltz. In the rehearsal package, it seems like Shawn is finally showing some signs of frustration. She’s been breezing through for the most part, so I’m glad to see Mark challenging her a little. They make a good-looking pair – she’s in a flowy white gown and he’s in gray – and the dance is simple, elegant, and romantic. It’s two minutes of pretty, which no one can complain about. At the end, Mark spins her into a lift culminating with Shawn cradled in his arms as they walk off stage. Of course, while everyone else is thinking how cute that was, Carrie Ann has just written the word LIFT in her notebook (in her own blood) and shaved five points from their score. Or has she?? Carrie Ann commends the simplicity of the dance and adds that she didn’t mind the lift because it was at the end and fit in with the rest of the dance. See that? Rules don’t matter if you’re cute like Shawn Johnson. Len loved it except for the shoddy footwork and Bruno threw up about fifteen adjectives that could also describe a baby bunny, a flower, or a tasty dessert. They score a 26.

Like Lawrence, Melissa Rycroft’s challenge this week is getting into the character of the Paso, which is hard because Tony Dovalani is such a goofball. You know, if we could veer off the main road onto Tangential Trail (I love the view!), I think I’ve finally figured out why Tony bothers me so much. You see… all of this: the show, the dancing, the competition, the judges’ comments, the glory and the shame… it’s all about him. He has this way of getting on my screen and taking over, like his partner isn’t even there, scrabbling for the screen time she came on the this show to get in the first place. Whether he’s making incredulous faces at the judges during their negative comments, or having an emotional breakdown whenever he gets saved, he just can’t seem to remember that it isn’t really his life were interested in. I can appreciate his investment, truly, but he needs to step back and remember that he is the sideshow to Melissa’s main event. This is Dancing with the Stars, not Dancing with TONY DOVALANI IN BRIGHT LIGHTS AND MAYBE SOME CONFETTI AND NOISEMAKERS!! Ok, I’m glad I got that off my chest.

Frankly, I don’t remember much about this dance because I was too disturbed by the music. Remember how I referenced a Lady Gaga song earlier in this post? I’m about to do it again, but this time it’s relevant. Their Paso is set to a ballroom interpretation of Poker Face. I am aghast and dismayed and horrified, and yet… strangely fascinated. I mean, one couldn’t have predicted it. The costumes are as Spanish as they could possibly be… red and black and very toreador-esque… and yet the song is an extended metaphor about gambling with not-so-subtle overtones regarding the mysterious nature of feminine bisexuality. It kind of makes me cock my head like a confused cocker spaniel. Perplexing is what it is. So… the dance itself is pretty amazing actually. Tony has really stepped up his game with the choreography (I think he really took Carrie Ann’s criticism that Melissa needs to challenge herself to heart). This dance is waaay hard, and unfortunately, nothing looks effortless, and Melissa is wearing her fear on her face and it sadly does not match those bizarre dots on her forehead (what the hell is that all about?) or the mood of the dance. Now, I didn’t catch it when it happened, but there was apparently a major incident involving the heel of her shoe and her dress (which I’m sure will show up in dramatic slow motion tomorrow night), so this routine was not executed perfectly. The judges comment on the degree of difficulty and the stumbles, both things that ultimately prevented her from getting into the true character of the dance, and end up scoring her a 25. Backstage, Tony compliments Melissa’s tenacity in the face of all the screw-ups, and he does so while standing in front of her and forbidding her to speak. See what I mean?

David and Kym are next with their Viennese Waltz and David is STILL trying to figure out ways to climb out of the middle of the pack. Seriously, the judges just do not like him, and it has become painfully obvious to me that their disdain for him isn’t just about his dancing. David isn’t performing any better or any worse than half of the people out there, so I’m at a loss to explain why he is consistently scored so low and why the judges are so much more brutal in their critiques. The girls in the typing pool and I have a theory that he is an epic asshole during the week – like some sort of nightmare to work with or something – so the show has decided to put him in his place. The song is I Put a Spell on You, which doesn’t scream waltz to me, but then again we’ve already suffered through a Poker Face Paso, so what do I know? Kym begins the dance by waving some giant blood-red fans about like a recently slaughtered swan, and David looks like he’s about to start a rumble. Seriously… why does he always look so mad?

I will say that this is the strangest Viennese Waltz I’ve ever seen on this show. The mood and the story being told don’t seem to fit the standard, but having said that, I thought it was well choreographed and well danced. The judges are all over the place with this one. Bruno admonishes them for the tricky choreography which he finds unnecessary in a waltz; Carrie Ann didn’t see any kind of connection between David and Kym; Len thought it was great. All of that translates into a score of 22.

Last week, Gilles and Cheryl scored the first perfect 30 of the season with their Tango. That dance is bound to go down as one of my favorite dances of the entire series. This week, they have the Paso, which I’m thinking should be a cake-walk because the mood is so similar. Rather than waste time discussing their pointless rehearsal package, let’s go straight to the goods…

That’s right. Tonight, Gilles opened his dance completely shirtless. There’s something to be said for knowing your audience. APPROVED! Anyway, after some provocative posing, Cheryl hands him a jacket so the dance can actually begin. And it is AWESOME. It’s fast and fiery with lots of aggressive hip thrusts and flamenco steps. I suppose it helps that the music is from Carmen (ok – pause – what the hell, show? You give Melissa a damn Lady Gaga song and hand Gilles a piece of music from an opera about Spanish harlots and toreadors? How is that fair?). Whereas the previous two Pasos haven’t quite captured the feel of a true Paso, Gilles nails it completely. Cheryl’s routine is superb, right down to the finer details, and Gilles is 100% in character. I loved it. Also loving it: Bruno and Carrie Ann, who carry on just as much as the audience. Carrie Ann loved how they brought the essence of the dance to life; Bruno thought it was more than a dance, but an epic battle for sexual supremacy (uh… ok); Len thought it was a little frantic. Never before has Len been booed with such venom and malice. He should probably be escorted to his car once the show wraps. Sure enough, Len ruins it for everyone by scoring the routine at a 9, thus preventing Gilles from grabbing his second (and very much deserved) perfect score. Gilles’s Pectoral Paso must settle for a 29.

Steve-O is still harping about how last week’s scores didn’t improve despite the fact that he made it through his entire routine without royally screwing up. I guess the idea that subjective scoring almost always reflects the context of the rest of the competition is waaay over his head. Good judges (in all arenas) try to give scores in such a way that there is a nice bell-shaped curve at the end. Yes, he improved, but others improved even more, and still others actually took a small dive, so he was right where he was supposed to be at the end of last week. And really… who cares? The bottom is the bottom. All that the rehearsal package illuminates for us is that Johnny Knoxville is a good friend, but not quite a good enough friend to leave Steve-O alone for five minutes so he can LEARN HIS DANCE ALREADY! For their waltz, Steve-O is dressed like a mime (oh dear) and Lacey is literally dolled up. The music is one of my favorite Rufus Wainwright songs EVER, Complainte de la Butte. Sadly, even that can’t save this dance for me. I can still see his back pain in his posture, he’s as stiff as a board, and he has no idea how to show the dance in his face. I haven’t seen eyes that dead since the last episode of America’s Next Top Model. Where is Tyra when you need her? Most egregious, though, is the fact that the dance is really quite boring. Nothing special about it at all, really. The judges are nice about it, because why bother telling the truth at this point, and send him off with an 18, which is his highest score ever.

Ty and Chelsie have drawn the last Paso of the evening, and how appropriate for him because he’s a bullrider. Get it? He rides bulls for a living so this dance should be right up his alley. Yeah, I didn’t think it made sense either. Before I tackle the dancing, I need to mention how hot he looks in the toreador outfit. Why is he all-of-a-sudden attractive to me? I mean, he isn’t an unattractive guy by any means, but why now? Why this dance? Did he do something different with his hair? I don’t have to sort this out right now, I suppose. Anyway, the music is Barracuda, which is the best song ever written about anything, but that doesn’t mean it works for the Paso, and to prove my point, Ty is going to stomp around the floor like he can’t hear the music at all. This dance just did not work for him. Having watched it a few times now, I believe that he heard the words aggressive and masculine and angry, and in an attempt to express these words, his body decided to move like he was forcing his way through concrete. Carrie Ann thinks he just over-thought everything, but I think he just needs more time in front of the mirror. So his Petrified Paso scores a veeeery generous 21.

Bonus cape shenanigans from Senor Ty:

Last and certainly shortest, Lil Kim and Derek have a waltz for us. She is still riding high from last week’s amazing Tango (me too), so it will be a nice change of pace to perform a sweet, romantic dance to show off her range. I have to say I muted this because I couldn’t abide the warbling of whoever was trying to sing I’ll Be, but it looked beautiful. I particularly love how Lil Kim is able to perform these slower dances without looking like she’s in a coma. Her face is alive with emotion (perhaps not always the right emotion, but still…) and it really helps the audience connect to the content of the dance. The judges gush just as they should, and hand over a 26. Just one question before we move on… what the hell is a Buddha Board?

Here’s how things shaped up:

Gilles – 29
Shawn – 26
Lil Kim – 26
Melissa – 25
Chuck – 23
David – 22
Ty – 21
Lawrence – 20
Steve-O – 18

Results:

Oh, yay – Kim scored the encore. That’s great, I think… but I’m not sure I get it. She didn’t have the highest score of the night. WHAT DOES IT MEAN!!?

I think I’m going to do a big post dedicated to all the Macy’s Stars of Dance performances because I’ve liked all of them so far, and tonight… MEN IN DRESSES.

I have no idea what the point is, but it’s certainly neat to watch. So what, exactly, is this Vegas show (I believe they called it La Reve) about? There’s MEN IN DRESSES, of course, but also ballroom dancers and circus performers doing stunts. And I think Samantha said there was also water involved. I can’t wrap my head around it.

After the whittling, the bottom two ends up being David Alan Grier and Lawrence Taylor. That’s right… someone out there saved Steve-O. I bet it was his Group… they have special powers, you know. God, I can’t tell you how over these dance-offs I am. It’s times like these I really wish I had a Tivo. I would bleep-bloop the hell out of this and be a much more pleasant, contented person.

David manages to bring his score up by two points while Lawrence merely repeats last night’s score. And what do you know? David gets the boot, ending what has turned out to be the most bizarre tenure on this show by a celebrity since… well, he might take the cake. He seemed so pissed off most of the time, and the judges treated him like the red-headed stepchild. It was getting uncomfortable to watch, and for that reason, I’m glad to see him go.

Week 6 coming soon.

… reacts to American Idol Top 9

2009-04-06T23:44:00.002-04:00

One of my bestest friends in the whole wide world, Vivian “Shiver Me Timbers” Dubois, informed me this weekend that my greatest failure in life, besides being single and broke and kind of a boring person in general, is that I’m soooo slow with the turnaround on my American Idol recaps. Well, at least that is something I can fix.

But not this week.

As you can see… this post is going up on the vigil of the next episode of American Idol, about four days after anybody cared. My goal for next week is to have a recap up, oh, I don’t know… by the weekend? Don’t hold your breath.

If you will recall (who can possibly, though, because it was, like, two weeks ago), Michael Sarver was cut loose from the competition after a lackluster performance during Motown week. It was totally his time, because while we may have loved his rough neck, we did not enjoy his rough performance. *crickets*

I must be tired.

This week features songs plucked from the iTunes Top 100, which should mean that our Idols will be singing current hits. NOT SO, as the episode revealed…

First to perform is Anoop. He’s chosen Caught Up by Usher, which was a hit five years ago. I suppose five-year-old hits are “current” in the American Idol universe. All it does for me is make me feel old. I think I still have Old Navy polo shirts from when this was a hit and that’s… kind of embarrassing, actually. Anyway, it’s not great. He’s pitchy throughout, the dancing is unconvincing, and every time he goes up high in his range he makes the stink face.

I think he thinks that face is sexy. It’s not. I can appreciate what Anoop is trying to do here, which is recapture the snarl and attitude of My Prerogative, but there was something appealing about the irony of that song-choice, whereas this performance seems desperate. Randy actually cut close to the issue with Anoop (I know, shock) when he commented on the dubious direction Anoop is headed with his song choices. Word, Randy. The other judges say a bunch of other stuff (Kara had a great soundbyte about how it seemed like Anoop was dared to sing that song by a bunch of blitzed-out frat boys), but the real discussion focuses on who Anoop wants to be as a performer. He says that he chose Usher because he wants to be an R&B artist. That’s admirable, I suppose, but he has to consider the possibility that he doesn’t quite fit the image of an R&B star. I’m not saying it could never happen for him, but seriously… he ain’t Usher and never will be. (P.S. What was up with those chains around the shoulders of his blazer? I mean… that doesn’t even make sense. If you want to wear an epaulet, be my guest, but please… go all the way.)

As Megan Joy takes the stage, I must again reflect on how I feel about her. I still like her. I still celebrate her for the potential of her style and voice. And yet, she continues to deliver disappointing performances. They haven’t been terrible, as the judges would like us to think, but they have failed to meet my expectations. Tonight, she has chosen to sing Turn Your Lights Down Low, which is a song I haven’t heard, because when it was covered by Lauryn Hill in 1999, I was submerged in Freshman Music Theory. I don’t even remember seeing daylight back then, much less hearing obscure covers of Bob Marley songs on the radio. Now FOR ME, there were some nice moments in this performance… I’m still very much invested in the unique vocal style she has, but I have to agree with the judges when they say the song choice didn’t do her any favors. Randy nails it again (he’s on fire tonight) when he says that just because one loves a song, doesn’t mean one should perform it. Someone give Randy a cookie. Simon, meanwhile, is just mean – to the tune of “boring, monotonous, and indulgent.” In Simon’s world, indulgence is the greatest sin, because it’s a complete disregard for the audience. I don’t know if I would have gone that far, but he got the boring and monotonous parts right.

I’m afraid that the nation has abandoned me, you guys. Everywhere I turn, people are starting to warm up to Danny Gokey. Even the ones who were firmly on my side while he pimped his dead wife have become sucked into his gross, youth-pastory ickiness. RESIST, people… RESIST! Tonight, my inner torment takes the shape of Gokey singing What Hurts the Most, by Rascal Flatts. Apparently, Gokey is under the impression that everyone likes Rascal Flatts. I debunk that idea with my very existence. So the song is certainly right up Gokey’s alley, what with the spewing of uncontainable emotion and the figurative vomiting of his heart… and I almost buy it. But he screams the entire song. I’m sorry, he does. There is even spit. He is so aggressive with his emotions – it’s like he will beat me to a pulp with his voice until I FEEL. Is he so insincere that the only way to convey raw emotion is to SCREAM AT ME!? Clearly, Danny Gokey can do nothing right for me, which is how it’s probably going to stay unless he is actually able to come to my house and scream a song into my ear, forcing me into the same brainwashed state as the rest of America. The judges, on the other hand, are infatuated. It’s fine, I get it, I get it… but seriously, Simon, how was that performance NOT indulgent?

What’s Allison been up to, besides rolling around in a pool of pink glitter and fug? She’s been re-inventing No Doubt’s greatest single, Don’t Speak (and if you’re keeping track, that song came out in 1996). To start, it’s just Allison and her guitar, strumming the opening strains of the first verse. There are moments when she rushes the beat and loses all sense of rhythm, but thankfully, the band joins in before it gets too out of hand. This was not a great performance, which is really sad because I think I like what she tried to do. It was all a great idea that got lost in sloppy execution. The judges don’t get around to saying any of that because they’re all distracted by the hideous outfit. It is certainly hideous, like MOST hideous, but I feel like I have to agree with Kara in her controversial interview (the one that pissed Simon and Paula off) when she said that the other judges like to critique the clothes, while she likes to critique the performances. In this case, and I think Kara tried to say this, the “rock” image Allison was going for with the clothes actually took away from the “rock” performance she could have had. The ROCK is in you, Allison. Be the ROCK.

When Ryan Seacrest calls Scott MacIntyre the Piano Man before his performance, I got myself all jazzed up to hear one of my all time favorite songs EVER, but… turns out he’s singing Just the Way You Are. It’s not Piano Man, but it will do in a pinch. Scott’s performance is behind the piano (I think he’s settled on staying there for good, no matter what Paula thinks), and while I continue to be impressed by his playing, he just gets boringer and boringer every week. We’re talking tedious. Having said that, I thought his vocal improved from last week. The hair, however, got worse. How do we keep going backwards with the hair? Since he can’t see it, there has to be someone in his circle (a family member, a well-wisher, a pet) with seriously flawed style.

Matt Giraud, a recent member of the Bottom 3 Brigade, is set to stage a comeback with tonight’s performance. He expects to do so with a song by The Fray, the world’s best-at-boring band. I’m not sure why he is so eager to revisit the piano rock genre (remember Vida La Vida and how that turned out?), but at least his song choice, You Found Me, is actually current. It’s a first for the night. He’s humping a keyboard down in the moshpit, which is totally cool, but all that energy around him seems to throw him off. I can hear his nerves, especially in his vibrato – it’s shaky just like it was in the Coldplay song. However, I appreciate the growl in his voice at certain parts and his falsetto near the end is on point as usual. After the song, the judges get to play their favorite game: how do we solve a problem like Matt Giraud. Usually, I find these pin the genre on the contestant discussions to be rather insulting, but I think with Matt Giraud it’s warranted, because seriously… who IS he? Is he a pop singer? Is he an R&B singer? Is he the next Chris Martin or the next Justin Timberlake? I think he could be either, but he needs to pick and SOON because he has weaknesses in both styles and continuing this never-ending search for his identity will only get him more and more lost. It’s like, stop and ask for directions before you hit the point of no return. Some good news: I thought Matt looked very cute tonight. I don't know what he did differently, but it's working.

Speaking of problems: Lil Rounds. The problem is I can’t remember her. When the girls in the typing pool and I meet around the water cooler every Wednesday morning, the one contestant we always forget to discuss is Lil Rounds. That’s a shame! I don’t think she’s boring, really, but she isn’t doing anything to stand out. She needs an Idol moment and STAT. Tonight, she’s going to attempt I Surrender by Celine Dion, and I’m excited because I think this song could be her best shot at an Idol Moment since she invoked The Blige back in Week 1. And darn it if it isn’t kind of blah… again. I don’t get it. I’m hoping the judges can help shed some light on all of this but they get distracted by Lil’s gorgeous little girls (well played, Lil… well played). Meanwhile, I’m distracted by the back of Lil’s dress. I don’t want to be mean, but girlfriend, where are your Spanx? They smooth and shape.

The wild applause that greets Adam Lambert’s pre-package is stunned into silence with the announcement that he will be singing Play That Funky Music, White Boy. I’m confused, too. He has decided to stick with last week’s hair, which I like because it means we can see both sides of his face, but he’s dressed like the lost member of the Osmonds, you know, the one who we never see because he’s a homo? What I like about Adam is he can convey energy without launching himself around the stage like he’s just been tazzed (*cough* Gokey). What I don’t like about Adam is his strange need to overuse his banshee scream. I know he has it and I’m happy to hear it when it’s appropriate, but it can get a little… predictable. What I LOVE about Adam is his graciousness – he used his time on stage to thank the band! Such class, such grace… Danny Gokey would never do that. Oh, and Kara? Studio Fifty-what?

Who called Vanessa Williams? We just saved the best for last! Kris Allen is last to take the stage with his re-imagining of Ain’t No Sunshine. I’m not familiar with this song (I know… it’s a travesty) so I’m not really sure how much he changed things around. All I know is: I loved every frikkin’ minute. This guy is so incredibly talented. He sings, he plays the guitar, he has keyboard chops (he’s HAWT!)… is there anything he can’t do? And the arrangement was absolutely inspired – it had good dynamics, it built well into the climax, and the staging with the strings was a brilliant touch. Loved it loved it loved it. Yes Kara… That. Is. Artistry.

Results…

Before the results show I prayed.

“Dear God – make Megan Joy a bird, so she can fly far; far, far away from here.”

Ask and receive, my friends. After last night’s egg-bath from the judges and that strange feeling she just didn’t care anymore, the voters sent Megan Joy back to the cornfields to caw to her heart’s content. I thought Simon was unnecessarily brutal, but I’m starting to think the “judges save” exists exactly for that reason – it gives Simon even more time to be a douche. As brutal as he was, I can’t say Megan handled herself with much poise either, but maybe it IS better to just say the hell with it and act like a jackass. It’s probably much more fun.

Speaking of jackass… Lady Gaga. I love that bitch, but that performance of hers was just… it was… I don’t… ??

P.S. Getting kicked off American Idol can’t be all that bad if it includes a bear hug from you-know-who!

BONUS:::

Mmmm... sexy face...

Dancing with the Stars Top 11...

2009-04-05T19:33:00.003-04:00

So last week we suffered the untimely dismissal of our dear Maxsim. I wore black for three days. The more important thing about last week’s elimination between Holly Madison and Denise Richards wasn’t so much that they ended up in the bottom two, but that they somehow ended up there instead of Steve Wozniak, who seems to have hacked into the voting system. Seriously, that’s the only way it makes sense that he managed to escape the bottom two, because after all, he scored a 10. A TEN!! That’s like… not even a real score. The only other time a score that low was handed out was when Master P refused to wear the proper shoes. It says a lot about Steve’s dancing that he managed that type of score based solely on his abilities. It also says he has lots of friends and supporters, which I think is commendable, if only it didn’t mean I had to watch him dance again.

But… them’s the breaks. Tonight features two new dances: the Lindy Hop and the Argentine Tango (which is neither argentine, nor a tango… discuss). Tomorrow, we’ll witness the first ever mid-season double elimination, which is apparently very scary for all the competitors, but to me it means one less recap to write, so… cheers.

On to the show!

The girls in the typing pool and I have reached an agreement: David Alan Grier is getting seriously submarined by the judges. It’s true that he isn’t one of the best dancers on the show, but his scores have been suspiciously low for the past few weeks, and we’re all wondering what the judges are smoking. They can’t still be smarting about his comments regarding Bruno’s accent, can they? That was sooo two weeks ago. Anyway, DAG is first tonight with the first Lindy Hop in DWTS history. He struggles with the lifts during rehearsals, so Kym takes him to an actual Lindy Hop club to see the dance in its natural habitat, which looks like all kinds of fun, but also very dangerous. When they hit the floor, David brings the right amounts of energy and charisma, although I will admit that the lifts did look kind of rough. Kym can’t be that all that heavy, but judging by the look on David’s face during each lift, she must weigh a ton. The judges compliment the energy and spirit of the routine, but pick on David’s sense of timing and rhythm. Carrie Ann, however, thought it was an exciting routine, especially when he kicked up the energy with the music. He scores a 22, which, based on the dances to follow, seems on the low side.

Next up is Lil Kim with her Argentine Tango. During rehearsals, Derek and Kim have to work hard to keep their faces straight, and I am again perplexed but charmed by the chemistry these two kids have together. I still think they’re a bizarre pair, but they’re making it work. Derek confesses several times that he doesn’t know much about this dance, so the choreography comes together quite organically; I’m very curious to see what he comes up with. All of Derek’s anxiety must have paid off because this dance is fantastic. First, Lil Kim looks amazing! I don’t know why that surprises me, because Lil Kim is a beautiful woman. I think it must be the fact that so often the wardrobe department dresses people up to look like a diseased birds – when they actually work it out, it’s kind of shocking. Back to the dance: Lil Kim’s lines are exquisite… she really understands her body. She obviously knows exactly where to place her legs and arms to create the perfect picture. I mean, just look at this…

Perfect angles, perfect extension, etc. It goes without saying that she nailed the character of the dance. Bruno and Carrie Ann have nothing but praise, but Len thought it lacked sensuality, which is just preposterous. He at least has the decency to compliment Derek on his choreography, and I say here, here! I was touched by Lil Kim’s show of emotion after the dance; maybe she recognized this dance as her break-through. I, for one, hope this is the first of many fantastic performances from her. The scores are mixed: Carrie Ann gives a 9, Len gives an 8 (BOO!!) and Bruno gives a 10 – the first 10 of the season, and well deserved.

The next Lindy Hop comes from Chuck and Julianne. The only exciting thing to come out of their rehearsal segment is the following revelation: Chuck Wicks is afraid to fall on his head. Well, aren’t we all? This is going to be a mighty boring routine if he’s afraid to do any tricks. After what can only be hours of complaining, however, Julianne takes pity on her sweet baboo and cuts all the scary tricks and replaces them with less risky maneuvers. They take the floor dressed in cute, little 50’s diner uniforms and perform a competent, if not sort of dull, Lindy Hop. The judges immediately pounce on what the rehearsal footage implied, which was that the dance was a tad too safe. It’s hard to argue with that because Julianne was the only one flying out there. Bruno uses a very long-winded and confusing pizza metaphor to say that Chuck’s dance needs to be sharper and rhythmic (with a crispier crust, if you will). He ends up with a 22, which ties him with David (see what I mean now?)

Edyta is finally starting to show signs of frustration with Lawrence. She probably thought she had this season in the bag when she landed the token professional football player. Turns out: no such luck. In rehearsals, Lawrence has trouble finding the character of the Tango, so Edyta invites her hubby, Alec Mazo, to show Lawrence how it’s done. After what we can only assume is some improvement, Edyta and Lawrence take the floor to perform their Tango. The high points are the incredible lifts, which take advantage of Lawrence’s obvious upper-body strength – he lifts Edyta’s entire body up over his head at one point. But the choreography is not as strong as Derek’s and Lawrence doesn’t seem into it at all. In fact, he kind of just stands there while Edyta does all the work. Len goes as far as to say that Lawrence looked uncomfortable out there, which I agree with. Bruno and Carrie Ann, however, interpreted his stony presence as menacing and powerful, but even they sensed a lack of chemistry between the two dancers. He scores a 19, including a brutal 5 (bitch-slap) from Len. That’s gotta hurt.

After last week’s ‘eventful’ routine, Ty and Chelsie are up with another Lindy Hop. I’m thinking this will be a good dance for Ty because it’s kind of all out, no real character, and very athletic. Sure enough, Ty delivers with a terrific routine. His kicks look good, his attitude fits the dance, and he makes the lifts look effortless (it helps that Chelsie is half his size). I did notice a couple of moments when his timing fell apart, but they were few and far between. The judges basically hit on everything I just said about the timing and the musicality, but they are still very much impressed by how much he improves from week to week. He receives a 25, which includes his first 9 (from Carrie Ann).

Now, this is what I’m talking about, you guys. I like Steve Wozniak just as much as the next person, but what is about to happen on my television screen is exactly why he should have been voted out Week 1. He just. Can’t. Do. It. His pre-package is less about learning the Tango and more about how he’s all about working the system. Hey, Steve! Why not practice instead of riding around on your Segway, which is just a bike for lazy people, campaigning for votes?? It’s almost like he doesn’t care that he’s bad. Maybe I respect that a little, but I would much rather he just dance better. Anyway, he and Karina do their thing and… it’s bad, of course. I will say that it looks like Karina is trying to choreograph an interesting routine, but he just sucks so bad! The judges are completely over it and score him straight 4’s.

Melissa and Tony are the first of last week’s top three couples to perform and they’ve got the Lindy Hop. The pre-package allows us to sneak a peek at their terrific working chemistry – these two really seem to enjoy each other. It’s nice to see Tony having fun for a change, isn’t it? My favorite moment of the entire episode occurs when Melissa flips over Tony’s head and face-plants directly into his crotch. That’s classic right there. It’s an excellent routine: tight choreography and spectacular lifts. It’s so good, in fact, that I’m willing to forgive the fact that her outfit makes her look like a sluttier version of Minnie Mouse. Len tells her that she has to potential to go all the way (which everyone knew three weeks ago, so thanks a lot, Len), Bruno loved it, and Carrie Ann must have really loved it because she compliments Tony’s choreography. That’s a big deal! If you’ve followed the show, you probably know that Tony and Carrie Ann have sparred over his choreography on several occasions, so her comments tonight are the reality tv show equivalent to make-up sex.

After being saved last week, Holly is feeling enormous pressure to deliver with her Argentine Tango. If only her body would cooperate. Apparently, a move in last week’s dance tweaked the muscles around her ribcage, and it’s been bothering her ever since. At the hospital she gets a doctor’s approval to continue, but not without losing precious rehearsal time. She starts the routine on a stool and immediately falls right off, and the dance goes downhill from there. It’s sad too, because it looked like an amazing routine. I particularly liked the pretzel lift towards the end – at least she managed not to screw that up. As the judges give it to her straight (Bruno thought Dmitry did all the work, Carrie Ann thinks she needs to lift weights or something to build her strength, and Len gave a shout out to the amazing choreography that we probably didn’t get to see), she keeps ripping out her trademark rapid-fire giggle that makes me want to stuff my ears with alcohol-soaked towels and set them on fire. I understand that the laugh is probably a defense mechanism more than anything, but seriously… there’s a time and place to giggle about how much you suck. Backstage and before the scores, Holly climbs back into my good graces by apologizing to us for crapping all over Dmitry’s fantastic routine. It was the right thing to do and I’m glad she did it. She scores a 16.

Lacey and Edyta should probably get together for cocktails because Lacey’s patience with Steve-O is also showing signs of deterioration. The truth is Steve-O is really lucky to be around still, and it is only thanks to the charitable nature of the voting public that he has made it this far. I’m right there with the voting public – I want to see Steve-O succeed, not just because he’s a recovering addict but because he has shown remarkable potential. When I first heard he was going to be on the show, I was not excited. I guess I thought he wouldn’t take it seriously. Thankfully, he has, and more than I expected, so I really would love to see him do well. In a weird twist, though, the Lindy Hop has him completely stumped. The steps overwhelm him to the point of exhaustion and Lacey seems equally stumped as to how to teach him without frustrating him. The trick, apparently, is to make him dress up in his clown costume. Well… whatever works, I guess. Their routine is hard to watch, really. The potential is still there, but he dances like he isn’t sure of the steps, which I guess he might not be. He is literally one step behind Lacey at all times… in a very obvious way. However, he dances in character and most of the steps are there, even if they aren’t hitting at the right times. The judges are almost sad to critique it because it’s so clear that Steve-O is doing his best. I liked Bruno’s advice about listening more closely to the music - it may help Steve-O connect all of the elements of the dance in his head. And all of them mention that he improved just by getting all the way through the dance. The scores are kind of questionable. With a 15, he got the same score as last week, which doesn’t fit because last week he didn’t even know the steps. I’m not saying he deserved higher or anything, but it is kind of odd…

Cheryl Burke continues her reign of terror in the rehearsal studio. I don’t think I’ve ever seen her push a contestant so hard. And it’s Gilles for god’s sake – he’s an incredible dancer, so I don’t see why she’s being so nasty to him. Well, whatever the reason, it’s totally working. Gilles’s Tango is the best performance of the night. I really don’t have much to say about it: it was sultry, passionate, and brilliantly executed. Even Tom says it was “fierce.” The audience gives them the longest standing ovation of the night and the judges are literally foaming at the mouth to praise it. Carrie Ann is beside herself, fanning herself and blushing and pointing jealously at Gilles’s wife.

"God, it's HOT up in here!"

"I can't feel my FACE!"

Indeed, it was the perfect mix of drama, dynamics, and choreography. I smell a perfect score coming… And I’m right! Perfect 10’s across the board and the first 30 of the season. Gilles makes a point to thank Cheryl for figuratively beating the performance out of him. Methinks she’s got the man whipped, don’t you?

Finally, it’s time for Shawn and Mark, or Shark as they have become known to the fans. They’ve been sporting matching black track suits since the beginning of the show, so it’s not a surprise when they strip them off to reveal two of the tackiest costumes I’ve ever seen on this show. Shawn looks cute in her light blue trunks and tank, but Mark looks like an absolute fool in his fire-engine red ensemble, complete with nerd glasses and head-band. Will my eyes ever stop rolling? Anyway, their pre-package takes place in the gym where Shawn is going to show Mark how she rolls on the balance beam and floor mat. It’s pretty pointless as far as rehearsal footage goes, but at least it gives us this…

The point of all of this seems to be that Team Shark is going to use Shawn’s tumbling skillz to add pizzazz to their Lindy Hop routine, which is a little bit obvious, don’t you think? Sure enough, the routine starts with a tumbling pass courtesy of Shawn Johnson, which we all saw coming. Unfortunately, they seem to have over-compensated with the gymnastics, because the routine never really gels. It’s a lot of awesome tricks, to be sure, but there’s very little actual dancing. I’ll give credit to them for performing a difficult set of flips and tosses, but it would have been nice to see them attempt actual choreography. It’s kind of surprising too because Shawn has already proven she’s up to the task of dancing just about anything… I’m at a loss as to why Mark would trade dancing for gimmicks. Only bad dancers have to go that route. The judges agree with me: the tricks were great, but the dancing, what little there was, was heavy and plodding. They score a 25, which is a significant step down for Team Shark. My advice: lose the theatrics and just dance.

PRESENTATION!!

Here’s how the scores fell at the end of the night:

Gilles – 30
Melissa – 29
Lil Kim – 27
Shawn – 25
Ty – 25
David – 22
Chuck – 22
Lawrence – 19
Holly – 16
Steve-O – 15
Steve – 12

I know Gilles was incredible, but I think my favorite routine of the night goes to Lil Kim. I just can’t get over how awesome she was.

Results:

Let’s not dilly-dally. The bottom three are Steve-O, Holly, and Steve. Many thanks, America. I’m glad we’re all on the same page.

The two couples leaving us tonight are: Holly and Dmitry and… Steve and Karina. YES!! I’ll miss Dmitry and his hot ass, but it was definitely Holly’s time. She just couldn’t keep up with the rest of the competition. And I will certainly not miss Steve. He’s great and all, but if I had to hear him say, “the geeks shall inherit the Earth,” one more time… I might have stopped watching.

Oh, so… Legally Blonde: The Musical...

2009-04-03T23:38:00.003-04:00

Last Tuesday (not this past one but the one before – so much for timeliness), Li’l Sis and I made the short commute over to Greenville, SC to catch opening night of Legally Blonde: The Musical.

It was a great show; the crowd was lively and young, the production was stellar, and the performances were top-notch. All of this was incredibly good news, because I had spent the entire day at work preparing to be disappointed, as I always turn out to be at these things.

Let me tell you a story.

Since I don’t live in New York, I’m not in the loop when it comes to the current musicals. I usually show up (late) to the party after the musical has been turned into a movie or won a Tony or something. The truth is there are so, so many musicals coming and going in New York, it’s probably impossible for even the most diehard musical fan living in New York to keep up. But because I am the way I am *ahem*, I do manage to find out about some of them, especially the ones that are critically acclaimed and/or awesome. And so it goes, I find out about an awesome new musical and run to the nearest store and buy the soundtrack of the original cast. I listen to it until I have the whole thing memorized and the voices of the original cast are firmly embedded into my ears and heart. That’s how it happened with Les Mis and Phantom of the Opera.

I remember very clearly attending performances of these two musicals on Broadway when I traveled to New York back in high school. I was so excited to see them in person – it felt like a consummation actually… and long overdue. Of course, I knew that the original cast would not be in the house on these particular nights, and I was prepared to hear different singers and different interpretations. But, unfortunately, the music and voices I had grown to love over countless hours with my headphones were so deeply recorded in my psyche that I had a hard time accepting these new… sounds. Ok honestly, I hated them. I’d go as far as to say that all of my pre-listening totally ruined the experience of seeing these plays live. And I hate that because they were brilliant performances – it wasn’t like I was seeing these musicals at the Backwater Community Dinner Theatre and Glee Club – this was frikkin’ Broadway. And yet, there I was… disappointed and feeling like a jackass for it. ‘Twas a sad day for Reeva Dubois.

After that, I promised myself I would NEVER get so involved with a soundtrack recording without having seen the play on stage first. Of course, I broke that promise to myself very soon after, thanks to Rent (and Chicago, and Dreamgirls, and Hairspray). In a way, I double broke my promise because not only did I cheat on the stage production, but I cheated on it with a MOVIE recording, which seems much, much worse.

The point of that story was to point out to you, if you hadn’t already picked up on it, that I am a fickle, judgmental, overly-critical little bitch, who only likes things one way – and that ONE way is usually the way it was the first time, which means anything anyone does afterwards is crap and there’s nothing they can do about it.

So keep all of that in mind as I proceed.

I usually scoff at the idea of popular movies adapted for the Broadway stage. I mean, it just seems so ludicrous, doesn’t it? Shows how much I know… most of the musicals based on movie scripts wind up doing quite well. Hello, The Lion King! But for every one that does well, there’s another that totally bombs (I’m thinking of The Lord of the Rings – wonder why that didn’t work?). And then there are productions like The Color Purple, which was a book, then a movie, then a musical (I’m sure the ballet is coming soon)*. So when I heard that Legally Blonde was headed to Broadway, I was dubious. First of all, I wasn’t sure a live stage musical could capture the effervescence of Reese Witherspoon, the subtle social commentary, or the sublime ridiculousness captured in the motion picture. Sure, musicals are often over-the-top, but the movie was over-the-top to begin with, so the musical would have to go over-the-top and back around to the bottom again. I just didn’t see it.

The show premiered in New York in the spring of 2007 and… it was pretty good. Good enough, in fact, to get a MTV reality show dedicated to recasting the role of Elle Woods, and a special presentation of the entire show starring the original cast. By chance, I happened to be home and in front of the TV when MTV aired it, and I was instantly smitten.

The musical is not a complete departure from the movie, but the ways in which it does deviate are all definite improvements. The biggest difference, I believe, is the treatment of Emmett. In the movie, Emmett, played by Luke/Owen (I really can’t tell the difference, I promise I’ll work on that) Wilson, is a charming law school TA that falls for Elle the second he sees her. In the course of the movie, he’s the only one that recognizes Elle’s potential, which she appreciates, obviously, and by the end of the film, they’re in love and it’s happy ever after and junk. That’s cute and all, but basically Emmett is a pointless and innocuous plot point rather than a flushed out romance. In the musical version, however, Emmett is a three-dimensional character – we even get a backstory. The musical’s Emmett is a kind-of-geeky-but-totally-dreamy TA who grew up rough and poor, so he’s busting his ass to make it through law school in order to turn his destiny around. It’s this chip on his shoulder that helps him relate to Elle. She has stuff to prove, to herself and everyone else, which is something they have in common. By the end of the musical, it’s not only believable that Elle and Emmett would end up together… it feels inevitable.

In the same way that the musical improves the Emmett character, so it improves most of the others, especially Paulette, Professor Callahan, Vivian, Enid, and Elle’s sorority sisters. Maybe it’s the very idea of a musical that helps flush out these characters and give them their moments in the spotlight that makes it all seem to work better than the movie – but I can’t help but think that the musical solves every problem the movie had, even the ones we didn’t know were there.
Don’t get me wrong – I love the movie. It’s a personal fave. Like I said before, Reese is absolutely perfect in the role of Elle, and who can’t appreciate Jennifer Coolidge (Paulette)? She’s a genius, truly. But the musical trumps the movie in pure story-telling, heart, and laugh-out-loud comedy.

Anyway – to bring it back to the beginning – I was nervous to see this show live, since I’d become so familiar with the original cast, and not just the music but the also the book. I think I’ve seen the MTV show a hundred times, and I know I’ve listened to the soundtrack at least twice as much. Would I wind up completely and miserably disappointed AGAIN?

Thankfully, no. And thank god. The traveling production was amazing. The singing was maybe even better than the original cast (and that almost never happens). Some of the jokes fell flat, but that might have been because it was opening night in a new city – who knows how they changed things for the new venue? It was so much fun watching Li’l Sis watch a show I’d grown to love, especially when she laughed hysterically at the parts that got me the first time I saw it.

I’m sorry that I don’t know any of their names, but this traveling cast is seriously talented. Paulette is always a crowd favorite, but the woman playing her on our night almost stole the entire show right out from under Elle’s pink petticoats. And I would put our Emmett next to the original one, and that’s saying a lot. I was only slightly disappointed in our Warner and our Sorority Girls – the singing was fabulous but they lacked a little in the comedic timing department (they missed a lot of the great one-liners). I’m sure they’ll improve with practice, although… haven’t they been on the road for months by now?

Strangely enough, I was sitting next to a young lady who I overheard telling her friends that she had seen the play in New York right before Laura Bell Bundy left the role of Elle. During intermission, I asked her how this cast was holding up to the original, and she was very enthusiastic. Gushing, in fact. Her reaction says a lot about this traveling cast, but it also says a lot about this musical: the great ones are great no matter who is on stage.

I hope Legally Blonde: The Musical continues to tour for years so as many people as possible get to see it. It’s become a personal fave, and I didn’t see that coming at all. SNAPS!

*Ed. Note – turns out Legally Blonde was a book before it was a movie before it was musical too.

Shhhh… there’s a special treat for you behind the cut…

Part 1
Part 2

PING

2009-03-30T22:46:00.003-04:00

Did you feel that? That's called a *PING*

Seems like I've been waiting forever for the next Potter movie... wait... I HAVE!! It's about time we had a good *PING*

Five more posters, featuring Hermione, Ron, Draco, Dumbledore & Snape... after the jump...

…reacts to American Idol Top 10

2009-03-29T08:46:00.003-04:00

One of the perks of my new job is having co-workers who are just as obsessed with American Idol as I. So it was only a matter of time before we arranged our first ever American Idol party! I absolutely adore the girls in the typing pool!

We’ve managed to assemble a good cross-section of tastes too. It wouldn’t be nearly as much fun if we all liked the same singers. My girl, H., loves Allison the best, S. is an Adam Lambert groupie, and G. is firmly on Team Gokey – we give her a hard time about that, but love her anyway. I’ve been reluctant to pick a favorite so early (I always end up getting disappointed), so for the purposes of this event I decided to back Kris Allen. He was my favorite last week, so I figure… what the hell…

So we met at G.’s house, had some cocktails, made some silly signs to wave around, ate some junk food, and sat down to enjoy our first group American Idol watch. As fun as it was, slicing and dicing each performance (and each outfit) as it came up, I found that my focus wasn’t as tight. I only remembered a few of the performances, and even those were a little hazy a couple of hours later. So my coverage will again be short and sweet, but maybe that’s a good thing…

Proceed to the jump…

So this is Motown week, apparently (I hadn’t realized), and our lovely yet entirely unhelpful guest mentor is Smokey Robinson. I love these songs and everything, but I’m really itching to hear these singers take on some current songs.

First up is Matt Giraud singing Let’s Get It On. This song has always made me uncomfortable… probably because the lyrics bring out the prude in me. Sorry, nine years of Catholic school does something to you that cannot be undone. Anyway, he starts at the piano (booooring) but quickly gets up and takes it to the audience. Matt continues to impress me. If his vocals continue to be this good, I think he’ll be contender for the Final 5 or so. Randy is still pushing the Justin Timberlake comparison, which is more than generous, in my opinion, but hey… if Matt keeps these kinds of performances coming, maybe he will have earned it.

Good God, what is Kris Allen wearing? Did he bedazzle a military shirt? Is this what we can expect if DADT is repealed? Whatever, he’s still hot. Tonight he sings How Sweet It Is with his trusty guitar on his shoulder. It’s good – not as good as last week – but good. As much as I like him (and as cute he is) he needs to have great performances every week if he’s going to survive in this group of awesome male vocalists. He’s probably in third place at the moment, behind Adam and Danny, but Matt and Anoop are right behind him. And then there’s always Lil and Allison to consider. Yeah, he has to deliver every single time with memorable performances and top-notch vocals if he wants to make it.

One of the girls in the typing pool, and I won’t say who, is so absolutely angry about Scott MacIntyre that she’s probably going to hell. She’s being saying all along that he doesn’t have the chops or the personality – he’s been getting along based solely on the fact that he is blind. We all wince when she says it, but you know, she’s right. At least tonight’s performance brought her some satisfaction. This was… not good. His rendition of You Can’t Hurry Love was mediocre at best, and we’re finally starting to hear how flawed his voice is. He has some great moments, for sure, but there are parts of his range that fly straight up his nose. Sometimes he sounds like a goose. Or a buzzer. You know? And you know the party’s over when the judges have been given permission to criticize him, which they do tonight. So, Scott’s days are numbered. But seriously… well done on the pink pants. Why not wear horrendous colors, especially when you don’t have to look at them. Sheesh.

The girls in the typing pool are obsessed with Megan Joy’s tattoo. I mean, I don’t think we even watched her performance because we got sucked into a debate on the pros and cons of body-ink. You know, I don’t think her tattoo is particularly cute either, but do we really have to spend 10 minutes talking about how, when, and why she got it? Do we really care that much? All I know is she sang For Once In My Life and it was alright, but Simon, who used to be her biggest fan, did NOT like it and told her she was in trouble.

Anoop, who still hasn’t managed those eyebrows of his, is going to sing Ooh Baby Baby which is the prettiest song with the most unfortunate name in the whole world. It’s another terrific performance, and one in which Anoop gets to show off his amazing falsetto skills. I’m not sure why he dressed like he just got out of study hall, but I guess that’s his thing.

Michael Sarver is here to tell us that he Ain’t Too Proud to Beg. Well, I’m begging him to go away. Yes, I’ve had it. It’s so hard to believe that I actually liked him for awhile. Compared to the rest of the field, he’s nothing but a better-than-average karaoke singer, and that just doesn’t cut it anymore. And he sings like he’s having a seizure. All that jaw-flexing and facial ticking… singing should not appear painful!

Lil Rounds is ready for her closeup as she sings Heatwave. I love this song, although I can’t hear it without thinking of the opening of Sister Act (CLASSIC!). She looks fantastic… new weave and a gorgeous flapper dress. The singing, however, is… just ok. She gets a little screechy and screamy, especially during the yeah-yeah section, which I’m tempted to forgive because it’s hard NOT to scream a bunch of yeah-yeahs, but it wasn’t her best vocal. I really need Lil to have an Idol moment here soon, because she’s borderline boring and I can’t stand the idea of her leaving before the Final 5.

The highlight of the night has to go to Adam Lambert. Why? Because YUM! Somehow, the girls and I didn’t see Adam when all the Idols came out at the start of the show, so when the lights hit him at the beginning of this performance, we all went a little slack-jawed. I may have drooled. He sang Tracks of My Tears entirely in falsetto, and it was sooo beautiful. And I don’t know if he meant to channel a young Elvis, but if he did, I guess I finally understand what my mom is always talking about. Simon called it the best performance of the night (DAMN ~~STRAIGHT~~ RIGHT) and Smokey stood up to applaud. The girls all said they were moist at the end of it. First I said eww! but then I said me too.

Here comes Hokey Gokey to kill my buzz. And dammit if he isn’t singing one of my favorite songs, Get Ready. To be fair, I didn’t hate it as much as I could have… I thought his vocals were great. But there’s something about the way he performs that irritates me. I thought it might be his tendency to run around and jump and act all sugared up, because there’s energetic and then there’s crazy, but that doesn’t quite seem to cover it. I’ll have to think on this further. At least Simon finally stopped pimping him so much. Maybe the tides are turning.

Finishing the show is Allison with Papa Was A Rolling Stone. Allison is another person in danger of being a little bit boring, despite her amazing talents. You have to switch things up every single episode to keep the fans in your corner, and I’m not sure Allison is giving us a whole lot of variety. Clearly she’s a great singer so I’m pulling for her, but she has to step out of her comfort zone soon or she’ll just be buried in the middle of the pack.

Results!

No surprise there. Michael Sarver got the boot. I really won’t miss him. The big surprise though was seeing Matt land in the bottom 3. That’s like… a travesty. It’s probably a good thing, though… he had a little scare so America will keep him out of the bottom for a little while. That’s how these things work. At least Scott wound up down there – he totally deserved it. I hope he underperforms again and goes home next week.

Dancing with the Stars Episode 3 Top 12

2009-03-29T06:33:00.003-04:00

We’ve had our first elimination of the season (sorry, Belinda), so now we enter that part of the season in which the remaining terrible contestants perform terrible routines and provoke pity in the populace, thus surviving longer in the competition than others who deserve to stay but don’t suck quite enough to pull in the votes. I call it the Sanjaya effect – ever since that prepubescent little shit made it so far on American Idol, causing a ratings bonanza the world has never known, every show on the air has tried to capture that same magic. That is the only way to explain how someone like Steve Wozniak, who I really like personally but totally sucks at this whole dancing thing, made it past the first elimination. Y’all… it only gets worse from here.

See what I mean, after the jump…

Tonight’s dances are the Samba and the Foxtrot and Denise Richards (and Maxsim) is first to Samba. Coming off a week in which she was voted one-of-the-most improved, she seems well on her way to making it far in the competition, which is good news for me because I’m all for seeing Maxsim as long as possible, especially when he’s up to cross-dressing shenanigans.

But the rumor mill has been churning with news that she is very unpopular on the set, what with her diva-like attitude and unfriendly interludes with various departments behind the camera. I’m not one to believe rumors – as a rule – but everything that happens tonight only corroborates the gossip. First of all, the wardrobe department has dressed her in a black micro-hoopskirt, which… ugh, not cute.

Second, the producers have asked her to perform a Samba to Filter’s Take a Picture. Now, I had three weeks of Salsa, so I can speak with authority – Latin dancing is 80% feel. The steps aren’t that hard, but making them look good is nigh impossible unless one can feel the rhythms. So handing her this song is the musical equivalent of telling her to go straight to hell. There is nothing Latin about this song, and I don’t know how anyone could dance these intricately rhythmic steps to it. All I feel when I listen to it is how much I would love a latte right about now… or a nap… but whatever… I definitely don’t feel like dancing the night away somewhere in Latin America. When we add all of that to the fact that Denise isn’t very good in the first place… we get a Samba that can only be described as SamBAD.

The judges are quick to point out the lack of Latin feel (which none of them blame on the music, which is where the blame belongs), and Carrie Ann harps on how terrified Denise looks during the dance. I would be terrified too, I think, because dancing Samba to that song probably feels like dancing a waltz to death metal. So… yes, she was bad, but I’m thinking she was sabotaged. She scores a 16.

Next to take the floor is the couple that this show is desperate for me to love (not gonna happen), Chuck and Julianne. This week they have the Foxtrot and Chuck needs to do all he can to move out from Julianne’s shadow and pull his own weight. In the pre-package, Chuck whines about the judges’ high expectations. Just because he is dating Julianne Hough doesn’t mean he’s a good dancer; he grew up on a potato farm for god’s sake. Well, ok… fine, it is unfair to hold him to higher standards, but he IS paired with Julianne Hough, one of the most popular professionals on the show, so EXCUSE the judges (and me) for not kissing his ass and giving straight 10’s. They start in a sleeping pose and dance around a little bit until eventually falling back into another sleeping pose. Funnily enough, that’s exactly how I felt… sleepy. To be fair, it’s all very nice– we all know Julianne can choreograph the hell out of a dance – but I’m just not into them at all. The judges give him credit for improving and score him a 23.

Holly and Dmitry had a rough week of rehearsal – Holly doesn’t seem to be trying very hard and Dmitry seems to be getting tired of talking to a brick wall, or in this case, a blonde wall. The thing is, I think I really like Holly – I’ve seen her other reality show and there’s a quick-witted, smart, funny woman behind those ginormous boobs, if only this show would allow us to see it. Her Samba is hard to watch, not because it’s particularly bad, but because it’s actually kind of good, except for all those times she loses it. There’s potential there, but it’s almost like she doesn’t trust herself. The judges don’t help matters at all – Len says she’s like a match, hot on top but wooden on the bottom. That’s a terrific simile, to be sure, and not altogether inaccurate, but can we talk about something other than her breasts?

Carrie Ann at least identifies the problem, which is that she is disjointed and uncoordinated. Like a lot of models, Holly is tall and pretty, but very weak – blow on her and she’ll fall down. She needs to work on strengthening her core and stand on her own two feet, rather than allow herself to be dragged around by her partner. That’s a good constructive critique, but I’m not sure Holly can improve her stamina and muscle-strength in one short week. She scores a 17.

Steve-O is still convalescing from his back injury, so rehearsals this past week have been low-key, but he is adamant about his desire to be here and wants to show his fans and the judges that he deserves it. His Foxtrot starts well enough, there’s some nice rise-and-fall and he seems to get the character, but things quickly fall apart about half-way through, and they never come back together. He punctuates this giant fail with a slip (and an ankle-tweak) at the very end. I have to hand it to him, though… he never gave up. A lot of people would have thrown up their hands or asked to start over after screwing up like he did, but he just kept on grooving. I don’t think it even showed up on his face until the very end. Performing live is such a scary thing… a big part of being a good performer is getting through it like nothing happened, and trust me… it’s hard to do. The judges feel just awful for him and score him a generous 15. They could have, and probably should have, gone lower, but it doesn’t even matter: nothing brings out the votes like a gaffed routine. Steve-O isn’t going anywhere tomorrow.

It always seems to take a few weeks for these macho athletes to get into the dancing, and so it is with Lawrence Taylor. What he lacks in enthusiasm for dancing, however, he makes up with sheer competitiveness. He has even given up on his golf-game! You know what, spare me, Ok? He’s pulling in 200 grand for doing this show. One game of golf isn’t much of a sacrifice. All that aside, his Samba tonight is really good. Edyta always makes her partners look good, and Lawrence delivers with good basic steps and the perfect party-feel. He dances so much better when he allows himself to get into it, and tonight he is definitely feeling it. The judges praise his lightness and rhythm, but urge him to display even more confidence and perhaps try some harder choreography. He scores a 20. I do have to mention Tom’s crack at Edyta’s outfit, which went something like, and I’m paraphrasing, “Tune in next week… Edyta will wear the other half of this outfit!” That’s so funny, haha, but really… Edyta is totally wearing more than she usually does.

I love me some Shawn Johnson, but I’m getting a little tired of hearing her downplay her skills. Two weeks ago she fed us some lines about how she isn’t elegant or refined, like somehow, as a gymnast, these aren’t things she knows about. I called bullshit because, while performing back handsprings and tucks whilst balanced on a giant stick might not seem particularly graceful, the same amount of balance and carriage required to look elegant and refined on the balance beam is also required on the dance floor. This week in the Foxtrot, she must be smooth and fluid, and we get the same old story: gymnastics is about power and strength - so this is different for her. Whatever, Shawn.

See, Mark even agrees with me…

As they take the floor, all I seem to notice is how buff she is. That girl could totally beat me up! The dance is beautiful… like, one of the best Foxtrots I’ve seen. She’s smooth, she’s fluid, and the choreography is interesting to watch… all in all, I’m a big fan. So too are the judges: Carrie Ann calls her a princess, Len liked her lovely arms, and Bruno thought she was like a beautiful, bejeweled hamburger. Er… hummingbird. They give her a 27 (three 9s), which is the highest score of the night so far.

Next up are Gilles and Cheryl, and Cheryl is like… some kind of monster during rehearsals. I knew she was tough, and teachers are always kind of rough on their best students, and I’m sure she wouldn’t be doing it unless Gilles responded to it, but Geez… relax. This is supposed to be fun, right? Anyway, Gilles mom is in town and she’s pretty and French and obviously just as in love with her son as we are, so it’s really kind of nice to see. Their Samba is sure to heat things up: the costumes are fire-engine red and the music is El Matador (finally some actual Latin music, go figure) and sure enough… we are en fuego!

We start off with the obligatory ass-zoom, which is what I’ve decided to call the weekly close-up on Gilles’s posterior (woo-hoo!), and it’s hot-hot-HOT from there. He shimmies, he shakes, he makes love to the camera – this man is sexy just standing there, so you can imagine what the audience is going through while watching this dance. The judges are equally affected. Bruno calls him a, “throbbing red-hot poker,” which is just about as suggestive as primetime network TV will allow, and Carrie Ann comments that he is sooo good that Cheryl even had to work to keep up. They each give him a nine, but I think they would have gone higher if it weren’t so early in the season.

David and Kym were super-bummed about last week’s scores (as they should be – they were totally snubbed for no reason), so this week David wants to really break out. They agree that he has to take the spotlight more and prove to the judges he can dance. The rehearsal footage promises lots of leaps and kicks, so Kym is obviously challenging him. Did it pay off? I think so… I really enjoyed this Foxtrot. I thought the Broadway touches were excellent, and David certainly proved that he has the ability to do more complicated choreography. The judges are happy with everything and congratulate him on all the improvement. They score a 24, which is David’s best score so far.

Oh dear. You know… I like Steve Wozniak, but this competition cannot be good for his health. During rehearsals this week, he pulls a hamstring, which should go nicely with that broken foot, and yet he INSISTS on continuing in the competition. Isn’t there some sort of mercy rule, like in amateur baseball? Can’t we invoke that right about now? As much as I enjoy watching him floundering around out there like a sequined whale, isn’t it coming dangerously close to cruel and unusual? Their Samba is… not really a Samba. In fact, it’s not even much of a dance. Why would Karina ask him to do the worm?

Is he practicing the worm or dying? Oh, whatever… it’s the same difference…

I mean, I think I’m scarred for life after watching that. You know what, I’m not even going to talk about the dancing. Let’s talk about Karina’s outfit. I think the wardrobe people might have been going for something witty… let’s dress her up in black and white stripes and glue feathers to the hem. She’ll be a jailbird! Get it?! HA! Nevermind that neither the song nor the routine have anything to do with jail or birds, it’s still funny, right? All I see is the offspring of a zebra and an ostrich… who happens to have a bad perm. Sooo many layers of Fail with these two tonight. The judges’ reaction:

Me too, judges… me too. The judges hold up paddles I’ve never seen them hold up before: 4, 3, and 3, which gives Steve the lowest score in DWTS history: a frikkin’ 10. That is HILARIOUS! Well, the judges are dumb, though, because a score like that is only going to inspire the people to vote. See you next week, Steve.

Things can only go up from here, so let’s talk about Melissa, Tony, and their Foxtrot. Melissa has been logging the Reality TV hours pretty much non-stop lately, so she needs to take a quick trip to Texas to tie up some loose ends. As I’m watching, I can’t help but realize that I don’t really care about her, like… at all, but she doesn’t need me to care, thanks to all of those crossover Bachelor fans. The important thing about all of this, though, is I’m coming awfully close to not disliking Tony Dovolani, which I never thought would happen. I can’t even explain it… is it because he has a good partner so we’re seeing a better side of him – the one that likes to be on the show? We’ll get into this more in future recaps – I’m just as curious to see where it goes as you, I’m sure. The dance is superb… she looks fantastic (I love the gown), their rise-and-fall is on point, and the whole performance looks effortless. The judges are complimentary, but Carrie Ann subtly addresses the controversy surrounding Melissa when she says, “it’s obvious this comes very easy for you.”

Melissa and Tony protest, but come ON, Carrie Ann has a point, even if she isn’t directly calling out Melissa’s previous dance training. If anything, Carrie Ann is doing them a favor: in order to stay in the competition, i.e. keep getting votes, each contestant has to improve from week to week, or they at least have to create the illusion of improvement. In other words, if you’re already an amazing dancer, the only way to ‘improve’ is to perform more difficult dances. And I vehemently agree. They score a 27, which is too high for this early in the competition (just like Gilles), but absolutely deserving.

Last to dance the Samba are Lil Kim and Derek. I love Lil Kim because she’s a firecracker and there is no doubt in my mind that this is incredibly fun for her and she’ll do anything to stay in it. That’s what I like to see. She and Derek are excited for this dance because it’s a chance for her to shake her junk, and there is certainly a lot of junk to shake. Dressed in canary yellow and lots of beading, Lil Kim comes out with hips blazing. Honestly, she is only female contestant so far who seems to have mastered her hips (Melissa was good in her Salsa last week, but it could have been much more), and she is definitely the only one who isn’t afraid to get raunchy. These Latin dances are supposed to be a little bit nasty, and Lil Kim is only one who has managed to bring some nastiness to her routines. I really enjoyed this Samba, although I’ll admit that her top was one over-enthusiastic shimmy away from a wardrobe malfunction. The judges echo my thoughts about the naughtiness she brought to the dance floor, going so far as to call her ass a ‘bionic booty.” She scores a 25, leaving her well within striking range of the leaders.

Backstage, the other contestants greet her by shaking their asses at her, which is the sweetest thing I’ve ever seen on this show. No, seriously… I’m touched.

The last dance of the night belongs to Ty and Chelsie. He is a revelation, isn’t he? I am always surprised by him. He too seems to have gotten over his phobia of looking queer and seems to be getting into the dancing more and more each week. I love to see it. This week, they have to learn a Foxtrot, and once again, the challenge lies in getting his face to reflect the character of the dance. He comes on to the dance floor looking all dashing in his top hat and tails, and GOD he has come a long way, hasn’t he?

And then Chelsie falls, but only for a second (if you blinked, you missed it) and the recovery is excellent. There were a few more awkward moments (I, for one, couldn’t help but watch the hem of Chelsie’s dress, because it was WAY too long, and she’s lucky she didn’t fall 50 times, much less once), but for the most part, it was another splendid performance from the bull-rider. In a way, I’m happy Chelsie fell, because it brings it home that this show is live, and having things like that happen gives the show integrity. Just like with Steve-O, the way one recovers from a mistake is vital. I’ve learned from experience that a bad recovery is what lowers a score, not the mistake itself. So, yeah, Chelsie fell, but he picked her up and danced on as if nothing had happened, and that’s the trick. The judges applaud him for all of that, nit-pick a little on his posture and musicality, and hand over a 23, which is three points higher than last week, and almost 10 points higher than his first dance.

So, that’s that. It was a typical early-in-the-season episode: three great dances, about five good dances, and four real disasters. In my book, the dancers in trouble are Steve, Steve-O, Denise, and Holly.

Here’s the leaderboard:

Shawn and Mark – 27
Gilles and Cheryl – 27
Melissa and Tony – 27
Lil Kim and Derek – 25
David and Kym – 24
Chuck and Julianne – 23
Ty and Chelsie – 23
Lawrence and Edyta – 20
Holly and Dmitry – 17
Denise and Maxsim – 16
Steve-O and Lacey – 15
Steve and Karina – 10

I fully support all these scores, except for maybe Lawrence, who I think should probably be higher than Ty and Chuck.

Results!

I’ve been pondering how I feel about this whole dance-off thing, and I think I’m coming around to liking it… in theory. I think I appreciate the idea that a couple could maybe improve their scores and save themselves, but I wonder how possible it is to trump the viewer votes with a better score. And since the show is never actually going to show us vote totals, just how involved are we, the audience, in this whole affair? Really, I think it’s an excuse for the show to program an hour with what seems like less filler garbage, so I guess I support that, but why on Earth would I want to see crappy dances a second time? Isn’t that why I didn’t vote for them? I guess I don’t have to sort all of this out right now, but let’s say I’m still on the fence.

Tonight we get Hall and Oates and Karina’s spectacularly gross new perm. Also, Adele (my new favorite), some garbage filler about how stressful the dance off is (I guess we can’t get rid of filler altogether, dance off or no dance off), and of course, the dance off, featuring two of last night’s worst dances (again) and Carrie Ann’s Paddlegate 2009.

The results were delivered thus: the first four safe couples are last night’s three top scorers, Melissa, Shawn and Gilles… and… Steve and Karina.

Judges: this man will never go home if you keep being mean to him.

The next four safe couples are: Lil Kim/Derek, Lawrence/Edyta, Chuck/Julianne and David/Kym.

After Steve-O/Lacey and Ty/Chelsie get saved, it leaves us with a dance-off between Denise and Holly, the two Fembots who can’t Samba. Holly goes first and seems to do a little better, but only improves her score by one point. Denise, on the other hand, does much better and improves by four points. The judges seem to be on Denise’s side. Unfortunately, Denise seriously bombed with the viewers, because that improvement in score couldn’t make up for her poor showing in the polls. You know, I didn’t like Denise either, but it seems strangely cruel that she would leave before Steve, doesn’t it? If you had told me at the beginning of the season that Maxsim would leave before Karina, I would have laughed in your face and then smacked you for your insolence. I mean, HOW DARE YOU? But you would have been right. That’s just… sad.

*SOBS*

Oh. My. God. You guys...

2009-03-23T23:50:00.002-04:00

Tomorrow night, Lil Sis and I are going to see Legally Blonde: The Musical at the Peace Center in Greenville. I’m so exciting I’ve been spontaneously bending and snapping all day long…

I own the soundtrack and I've watched parts on YouTube - it's a great show! Can't wait to tell ya'll all about it upon my return.

…reacts to American Idol Top 11

2009-03-23T23:33:00.002-04:00

I had to miss this episode because of work, so all I had to go on were grainy videos of their performances and the inane ramblings of thousands of commenters on various American Idol fansites. Since I didn’t hear what the judges said, I have no idea how I’m supposed to feel about these performances, so I’m heading into this recap lost and confused, which seems appropriate actually, because that’s usually how I feel about everything. Therefore, my thoughts on this past week’s show are mercifully short and sweet (or short and VICIOUS, if we’re talking about the Hokey Gokey), but also full of insight and truth. Or whatever.

It’s no secret that country is my least-favorite genre, ESPECIALLY in the context of this show, so pardon me in advance if my opinions are based solely on how much I hate the songs. I try not to be that way most of the time, but what can I say? Country music makes me cranky.

Completely unbiased (or not) reactions after the jump.

Michael Sarver gets a big ‘ol meh from me this week. He sang Ain’t Going Down ‘Til the Sun Comes Up and there were lots of words and lots of audience pandering and lots of harmonica. I thought the harmonica player may have upstaged Michael, and that can’t be good.

Allison was great, as usual, but I’m basing that on nothing because I’ve never heard this song before (Blame It on Your Heart) – and frankly, I’m not interested in hearing it again. I continue to love her voice and her moxie, and her interviews keep improving.

Kris Allen is causing a massive personality breach in me, and I don’t know how I feel about it. I know he’s two Bible thumps and a pair of rotten, stupid, awful, moronic fake glasses away from being Danny Gokey – but ya’ll… HE’S SO CUUUUTE!! Normally, no amount of lip-licking and camera-to-eye-intercourse could keep me from hating someone who calls themselves a worship-leader, but Kris Allen totally breaks down all of my cynical, agnostic and bitter barriers until I have no choice but to embrace him fully. I’m even dreaming about him now, which means I am equal parts smitten and DOOMED!

It helps that his song, To Make You Feel My Love, is one of my favorite songs OF ALL TIME, so basically he’s doing everything right in my book.

Lil Rounds, poor thing, hit a wall tonight and that wall is painted in bovine black and white and smells of hay. Country is NOT her thing. I appreciated that she tried to keep it country in her rendition of Independence Day, but I think she would have been better off taking it down the R&B road. Also, Independence Day is one of those country songs, out of many, that make my physically ill.

Adam Lambert is a little bit crazy, it’s true, and while I normally support that kind of behavior, especially on a show that is rapidly approaching its inevitable twilight years, I can’t say I enjoyed this performance very much. First of all, Ring of Fire is actually a good song (it’s Johnny Cash and Johnny Cash transcends country music so I’m not confused by the fact that I like his music) but I thought the arrangement was just wrong. I’m not saying his idea was wrong, in fact it’s been tried before, but it just didn’t land on the right side of the bed on this particularly night. I thought too much of the song was lost – there were moments I totally forgot it was Ring of Fire, which probably wasn’t the intention. I’m tempted to give him an A for effort, but an EEEK!! for how he insists on leering at me like that. It was sexy for a minute – now it’s creepy.

Scott MacIntyre did something different with his hair, so give it up for that, but the singing is still under par. I’m starting to find him boring – not personally really, but vocally. He has the same performance every night, it seems: the same quasi-inspirational, tear-jerker of a song delivered from behind the piano. He needs to branch out. Oh, and Wild Angels? BARF!

Alexis Grace picked Jolene, which has been sung to death on this show. I wasn’t a fan of Brooke’s rendition last year, and this one was probably worse. I didn’t get the feeling that she knew what she singing about – she seemed absent and uninvolved. The vocal wasn’t a train-wreck by any means, but the performance was forgettable.

You know, Danny Gokey isn’t even trying. Jesus, Take the Wheel? Really? He is shameless. I'm embarrased for him. He looks like the Michelin Man. He isn’t doing anything to force me to take him seriously. He is pandering and predictable and poisonous. I’ve never wanted to punch someone so badly in my life. He’s a good singer, though.

Anoop’s performance of You Were Always On My Mind made me want to wave a lighter in the air like I just don’t care. Loved it. He makes me hate country just a little bit less.

Megan Joy has managed to smack her stink on yet another song. It’s weird, though, because her spastic dancing and giant boobs worked well with Walking After Midnight, although I could never have predicted it. I still like the way she sings and as long as she can pick songs that work with her style (more or less), I think she’ll be fine. She’s going to hit a landmine soon, though – her cleavage won’t save her on a sappy ballad or a disco hit.

Matt Giraud probably had the best performance of the night with his rendition of So Small (another song I can’t stand, btw). Unfortunately, I’m already invested in my favorites, and I’m not sure if there’s any room for him in my heart. More performances like that, however, and I may be forced to re-evaluate.

Favs: Kris Allen, Anoop, and Allison
Honorable Mention: Adam Lambert, because I am morbidly fascinated, and Matt because he was awesome.
Decent: Alexis, Lil, Megan, Scott, Michael
HATE: Gokey

Results:

I missed the results show too, but my sources tell me that Alexis got the boot, and I am SHOCKED! And then I’m not, because she didn’t have a chance of winning. I think she probably split the rock-chick demo with Allison and came out on the losing side. It sucks that she’ll miss the tour, which is turning out to be quite the Stag Party. Lil and Megan better tighten their braziers and hoist up their garters – representing for the ladies.

Dancing with the Stars: Top 13 Part 2

2009-03-23T01:41:00.003-04:00

Full disclosure: I did not watch this episode in real time. Monday night, I was violently ill with a debilitating stomach-ache, the likes of which I’ve never known. Seriously, the cramps were so bad, it felt like whatever I had eaten was trying to punch its way back out. I even had to leave work early – but that was more for my co-workers sake than mine. There’s nothing worse than trying to work with someone who appears only minutes away from heaving their lunch all over the conference table. I am nothing if not considerate. Anyway, I went home and got right into bed to sleep whatever it was off, thus missing Dancing with the Stars.

However, since ABC is a compassionate and merciful network, I was able to watch everything online afterwards. American Idol should take note.

Anyway – let’s review from last week. Melissa Rycroft, Gilles Marini and Shawn Johnson emerged as early frontrunners, while Steve Wozniak, Ty Murray and Lawrence Taylor struggled through their first dances. Round Two will feature the Quickstep and the Salsa, and after both nights’ scores are combined, the contestant with the lowest score will get the boot.

Last week, all eyes were on Holly Madison and Melissa Rycroft, who were brought on at the last minute to substitute for the latest victims of the DWTS curse: Jewel and Nancy O’Dell. This week, those eyes are turned upon Steve Wozniak and Steve-O, both of whom have been rumored to have new dancing-related injuries of their own. Sure enough, Lacey Schwimmer descends the grand staircase all by her lonesome because Steve-O had a mishap during dress rehearsal and left in an ambulance. FUN!

A blow by blow account after the jump…

Holly Madison and Dmitry are first. It seems pointless to care about Holly because I seriously doubt she’ll get further than the Top 8 or so, but Dmitry is a stud, so I’ll humor them. Their quickstep is kind of boring, to be honest, even though I appreciate Dmitry’s ass in those tight, gray pants.

I notice that this dance isn’t as strong as their cha-cha, and I also notice that Dmitry looks like he is struggling just as much as Holly. Am I the only one who thinks his kicks look wild? He’s like… out of control out there. I think he almost kicked one of the cameramen. Anyway, the judges aren’t jumping out of their seats, so I guess they were bored too. She scores an 18 – same as last week.

David Alan Grier continues to confuse me, but I think he realized that last week’s antics didn’t really pay off. This week, he seems more himself, cracking jokes his schizo faces from last week and mocking Bruno’s accent. He’s motivated to try some harder moves in order to set himself apart from the rest of the pack, and the pre-package shows him falling and flailing and sweating, etc. so it seems Kym delivered with the more difficult choreography. Their Salsa certainly has some challenging elements in it, and he is clearly working hard, but the choreography is kind of all over the place. I will say this: as tangential as the choreography is, he keeps his face from wandering. He plays the same character the whole time, which is what I was really looking for, so… nice job there. And wow… his little slice about Bruno’s accent must have gone over like a groin-punch. Bruno is uncharacteristically cold and analytical in his critique. He compliments David’s character, but pointedly attacks his rhythm and timing. This is hard to watch, to be honest. Carrie and Len are equally vicious and it makes me wonder if David said something else during those interviews that we didn’t see. His Salsa wasn’t great, but it wasn’t as bad as all that. They score him 6,6,5 – which seem unfairly low. God, David – what did you DO?

Denise Richards and Maksim are next with their Quickstep. Max seems to be more medicated this week; he’s so much nicer in the rehearsal footage. He’s almost warm and encouraging, if you can believe it. The routine is set to Grease’s We Go Together, which is kind of fun, but the dance is strangely slow for a Quickstep. I don’t know if Max dummied down the choreography for Denise or what, but this was just dull. The judges remark on Denise’s obvious improvement and send her off with a 21.

Next to Salsa are Belinda Carlisle and Jonathan. Belinda is still smarting from the critiques she received last week, and Jonathan has to state the obvious that being criticized is part of the experience. Has she ever seen this show? Lucky for her, they get to do the Salsa this week, which is a much looser, free dance – one in which she can really let her hair down and just have fun. Jonathan is even throwing in some Go-Go’s moves to help the process along, which is… nice of him, I guess, but I really can’t think of two dances MORE incompatible and mutually exclusive than 80’s girl-group gyrations and the Salsa. This should be interesting. I will say, after watching, that she did seem to have fun, but I thought the dance was just weird. They never danced in hold – they had like, what has to be the minimum amount of interaction, actually – and most of the movements were corny. Oh, and this is how they chose to end the dance:

Come on – really? That’s just stupid. The judges compliment her sense of fun in the dance, but call out her lack of hip-action and musicality. So… what? She doesn’t have the beat after all? She scores an 18.

Ty Murray seems to have left some of the gay panic behind thanks to lots of encouraging phonecalls from friends and neighbors. Apparently, none of them called him a fag like he feared. See, straightees? It’s all in your heads! His next obstacle is having a good time when he dances, which I can relate to – I’d probably have the same problem. He and Chelsie are putting together a Quickstep this week, and the posture and the steps make it difficult for him to relax and have fun. So Chelsie tells him to change his concentration face from stern to this…

Hmmm… keep working on that, Ty. As their Quickstep starts, I immediately notice that he’s light on his feet and his posture is impeccable. I think the Quickstep might be his dance. At the end, I clapped, not because it was particularly great but because it was unexpectedly competent. He’s just full of surprises. After the audience calms down, the judges rave about his posture – something they credit to his bull-riding, which I didn’t think of, but they might be right – and Len pulls out the caterpillar-butterfly metaphor. After all of that, he scores a 20. I expected higher.

You guys, I can’t take it. Mark Ballas drives me crazy. Can we just send everyone home and have two hours a week of Shawn and Mark rehearsal footage? I’m totally being serious. I remember two seasons ago when Mark tried to teach Kristi Yamaguchi how to be sexy – in fact, that video is still on my YouTube favorites – and tonight we are treated to Part 2. I could watch him shake his ass all day long. I even took screenshots – I’m going to make a desk-top collage out of them later.

So their Salsa is fantastic, because no one does sexy but safe like Mark Ballas. And I know I’ve talked about what a huge fan I am of Mark’s open-vest look. It’s really interesting how all this is playing out, because Shawn is so similar to Kristy in her strengths and weaknesses, and Mark was able to get Kristy through to the end. The judges praise the routine and Shawn’s crispness and execution, but they agree she needs to up her game in the sexy department. It’s true: no one wants to see Shawn Johnson be vulgar, but the Latin dances do demand a certain amount of hip-action, so she can’t be afraid to let it all hang out. All in all, though, it’s an excellent routine which earns them a 24.

I don’t know if you’ve picked up on this, but Steve Wozniak is a big man. That’s why it’s no surprise whatsoever that he encountered some problems with his feet. He’s got a lot of weight to pound around, and his body is very top heavy, which upsets his balance. Add all of that to the fact that he is dancing in ballroom shoes, which have a particularly high heel, and it is absolutely no wonder that he is crushing his foot into a fine powder. But let’s be serious… the producers didn’t cast him because he would be any good. Alas, Steve Wozniak is here to fill the I-know-I-suck-but-I’m-having-a-good-time slot, so let’s not feel too terribly sorry for him, mmmk?

Tonight, he and Karina will perform a Quickstep. Well, perform might not be the best word. How about attempt? Or destroy? At the end – the blessed, couldn’t come sooner end – the judges hand out their paper-plate-award platitudes about how he is so fun to watch and how happy they are that he is enjoying himself, but we all know how bad it was so… they score a 17, which is so generous I think the judges could turn those scores in for time out of purgatory. The only thing that saved this 10 minute segment for me was catching a glimpse of Kathy Griffin in the audience. Hey girl Hey.

Nothing brings out the gay-panic like a Latin dance, and here comes Chuck to prove me right. I don’t know if this rehearsal package was supposed to be funny, but it left me liking this couple even less than I already did (I’m still a little perturbed about the whole real-life-couple competing thing). And Julianne, who I usually like, totally participates in the homophobic banter, even going so far as to throw her own brother into it. I mean, geez, JA – I’m sure Derek has enough trouble proving his heterosexuality already. At least the wardrobe department and I get revenge, for they have sent her on national television dressed like a Carnival Fraggle. HA!

Chuck seems to believe that moving his hips and doing sexy dance moves make him look feminine. Well, if the above photo is any indication, he should be worried about sexy dance moves making him look like a massive TOOL. He does not do sexy well. It doesn’t help that Julianne’s choreography is uncharacteristically crappy. I’m not an expert, but even I could tell there was very little Salsa going on. Thankfully, the judges back me up and hand over a 20.

I’m having trouble connecting to Lawrence Taylor, which makes me sad because I just adore Edyta. I vaguely remember that they performed a passable Quickstep which was much improved over last week’s dance, but that’s about all I got… They score a 20.

Oh, the trials and tribulations of Steve-O. If we will recall, the judges were relatively pleased with his performance last week, but because they didn’t rip off their clothes and perform a ritual celebration dance, Steve-O thinks they weren’t satisfied. So here he is, pressuring Lacey into concocting a wild and crazy Salsa that will be remembered for all time (for good or for ill). He insists on adding stunt elements to the routine, despite the fact that he is having some pre-existing back problems. He even convinces Lacey to add a front-flip to the end of their routine just minutes before taking the stage for dress rehearsal. Well… like all things involving Steve-O, nothing goes exactly to plan. They perform their bizarre, un-Latin-y Salsa for the cameras at the dress rehearsal, and when he goes for his aforementioned front flip at the end, he lands on his mic-pack… hard… and exactly on the bad part of his spine.

So, medics and ambulances and pain-killers and X-rays later… he will not be present to dance his routine during the live broadcast. Rather, the judges will base their scores on the rehearsal, and Lacey will have to stand by herself and take the heat for that garbage. And garbage it is: very little Salsa to be observed, ridiculous stunts, and of course… the fact that he got hurt. They score a 14, which is as low a score as this show goes. If Lacey doesn’t mind some free advice: she needs to rein that boy in. A lot of what happened this week can be traced back to her – don’t let Steve-O choreograph the routine. He’s kind of crazy, after all, and she’s supposed to be the professional.

With her Quickstep, Lil Kim wants to prove that she is elegant and refined, and I’m very interested to see that because everything I know about her seems to indicate otherwise. Well, she’s off to a good start: she looks cute in her red dress and loads of bling. But then I get distracted because the music is Diamonds are a Girls Best Friend, which makes me think of Moulin Rouge, which makes me think of Lady Marmalade, which makes me think of that music video with Lil Kim and her posse (P!nk, Christina Aguilera, Mya and Missy Elliot) – and she is definitely NOT refined or elegant in that video, so none of that helps her make her case here. But, as usual, Derek’s choreography is stellar, and they perform a delightful little routine that allows her to be cute AND materialistic at the same time. The judges nit-pick about body contact, but ultimately reward her with a 23, which is a high score for the night.

It’s Melissa Rycroft’s turn, but before I get to her dance, I must address the controversy surrounding her appointment to this show. Ok, so… Melissa has a background in ballet and cheerleading, which, according to some, gives her in an unfair advantage in the competition. This is true. But I’m going to go on the record as saying that none of that crap matters, and I’ll tell you why. It’s true that Melissa has more dance training than the others which might help her in some ways, but if we’re going to follow that logic then we would have to kick out every pop star that has ever been on the show, and MOST of the athletes. Melissa’s ballet and cheerleading skills do not necessarily translate to ballroom dancing any more than Shawn’s gymnastics training does. In the same way, it could be argued that just because Joey Fatone and Drew Lachey and Lance Bass happened to be in boy bands doesn’t necessarily make them better at the Foxtrot than an actor or a former professional football player. Further, we have to accept that every single athlete who has participated in this show has an unfair advantage because they are AT LEAST in good physical shape. In a way, every contestant has some kind of advantage over at least one other contestant, whether it’s their pop-music background or athletic background or their ability to find shoes that fit. None of them have ever done ballroom dancing, and that is what balances everything out. And to bring my argument home: we have to remind ourselves that Melissa was brought into the competition a mere two days before the premiere, which means she has had the least amount of preparation and training. I think that obvious disadvantage mitigates whatever alleged advantages she might bring to the table. Am I right? Of course I am.

Melissa’s and Tony’s Salsa is a crowd-pleaser! It’s fast, energetic, tricky and sexy – everything the Salsa is supposed to be. I have no idea what those outfits are about, but hey… can’t win ‘em all. I will say that their amazing performance might have something to do with their choice of music, The Cup of Life, which was one of only a few songs tonight that actually said Salsa to me. It’s hard to capture the spirit of a Latin dance when the music is completely incongruous to it. The producers certainly gave them a hand-out with that one. Anyway, the judges are rabid with praise – the hips, the energy, the great turns and footwork – and I can’t disagree. They end up with an astonishing 26 (two 9’s), and you know Tony is just loving this. After years of kind of getting screwed, he finally has a great partner.

Closing the show is Gilles and Cheryl, with a Superman Quickstep. You know, this would have been a whole lot more interesting if we hadn’t already visited the Superman thing already (Helloooo, Cameron Mathison). Before we get to the dance, though, I have to mention – AGAIN – how obsessed this show is with his ass. I swear they zoom into it every chance they get. I’m not complaining – like, at all – but I just want ya’ll to know that I’m noticing the subtle manipulations at work here. The music is that Kryptonite song, which is just odd if you ask me, but the dancing is beautiful. He makes such a pretty picture out there on the dancefloor. It probably helps that he is the embodiment of romance with his tallness and darkness and handsomeness.

He ends all splayed out under the camera with his shirt ripped open with a giant purple G on his chest, and I’m… turned on, I suppose, but I’m also rolling my eyes a little because that was seriously the stupidest thing I’ve seen in a long time. The judges, however, are ALL OVER IT! They love his French class and American flair, and award him with three 9’s. I’m not going to say he didn’t deserve a score as high as 27, but I don’t think that was my favorite dance of the night.

The standings for the night are as follows:
Gilles – 27
Melissa – 26
Shawn – 24
Lil Kim – 23
Denise – 21
Chuck – 20
Ty – 20
Lawrence – 20
Holly – 18
Belinda – 18
Steve – 17
David – 17
Steve-O – 14

Ok, the very idea that David Alan Grier got the same score as Steve Wozniak is preposterous. I know he pissed the judges off, but if they can’t even give a reasonably unbiased score than this whole show is a joke.

The combined scores don’t change the order much (well, at least at the top):

Gilles – 51
Melissa – 49
Shawn – 47
Lil Kim – 44
Chuck – 40
Denise – 39
Lawrence – 36
Holly – 36
David – 36
Belinda – 35
Ty – 34
Steve-O – 31
Steve – 30

Results!

So, the big news is that the bottom two will have a dance-off. I’m not a fan of the dance-off, really, because I like the idea of the public vote being FINAL. And at this stage, I wouldn’t mind seeing any of the people towards the bottom of the leader board head home, so I see all of this nonsense as a way to delay the inevitable. But nobody asked me.

I think the Bottom 2 will be Steve and Ty. Steve is so terrible, America has no choice but to show mercy and NOT vote for him. And so few people know who Ty is.

But of course, there’s 45 minutes of show before the eliminations come up and there were some good moments.

I loved Cameron Mathison’s survival guide, it’s nice to see him and his chest again.

And did anyone else notice Chelsea Trail in the Stars of Dance segment? Chelsea… you know, from the last season of So You Think You Can Dance?? Thayne’s partner? Together they were the Chayne Gang? Oh nevermind.

Ok, eliminations: The Bottom 2 are Steve (check) and Belinda (what?!). Wow, I’m actually quite surprised. I’m not going to lie, I skipped the dance off, but I do know that Belinda got the boot. Strangely, I couldn’t care less about her – I just feel bad for Jonathan. I mean, he so rarely gets good partners, and even when they’re decent, they faint or want to dress up like dolls. The man just Can. Not. Win!

I'm usually not this dramatic...

2009-03-17T23:10:00.002-04:00

... but I can safely say that my life is now complete.

Seriously, because of the above picture, I count this life as 100% fulfilled.

I mean, what else could there possibly be?

...reacts to American Idol Top 13

2009-03-16T01:25:00.003-04:00

You know, even though this is only the first week of the finals, I feel like this season has already gone on too long. Maybe next season I’ll start acting like everyone else I know and tune in only after the finals start. I think it might save me a lot of grief. For one thing, had I not watched from the beginning, I might be fully on board with Danny Gokey, except, no, I have been watching, and I’m still as disgusted with him as ever, which puts me at odds with the rest of America. I’m having flashbacks of last season – I really hated David Cook for most of the first half, and it kind of ruined the whole thing for me, because everyone else and their moms were lifting up their skirts every time he came on stage. And now Danny Gokey is getting similar treatment, and I kind of can’t stand it. One of two things must happen for me to stay on good terms with this season: Gokey gets himself eliminated OR he does something so completely awesome that I’m forced to forget everything I thought about him and re-position him in my brain. David Cook almost did that (I said almost), so it IS possible, but I didn’t hate him nearly as much as I hate Danny Gokey. All I’m saying is I probably won’t ever like Danny Gokey, but I’m opening up the doors for negotiation, but only a smidge, and he will have to work very hard to squeeze through them.

Aaaanyway – here I am, making this whole season about Danny Gokey, which is EXACTLY what the producers want, so I’m part of the problem, I guess.

On to logistics: if you did the smart thing and are just now tuning in, you’ll notice that there are 13 finalists, as opposed to the usual 12. That’s because the judges saved Anoop at the end of last week’s results show. I believe that Anoop was always going to make it, though, so really… someone else got saved and they have Anoop to thank for it. That’s my theory, anyway. Also of note, a new layer to the competition has been added, called the judges’ save. At any point prior to the Top 5, the judges can save an eliminated contestant, thus trumping America’s vote. The next week, all the contestants will compete again, and the two lowest vote totals will get the boot. The judges’ save can only be used ONCE. There has been much bally-hoo about this new development across the interwebs, most of it bad, but I think it’s actually a neat trick. First, the judges aren’t really trumping America’s vote, really, because America is supposed to be voting for their favorite. If that is truly happening, and the person with the least fans is going home at the end of every week, then there wouldn’t be any issue. But on this show, every now and then, an obvious favorite gets screwed over by the fates – sometimes their votes get split, or they have a good but unmemorable performance, or another contestant is suddenly diagnosed with a disease… or whatever. It’s happened before (JHud, Daughtry, Tamyra, etc.) so the judges simply want an insurance policy against irresponsible voting.

Really, they’re trying to save us from ourselves. It might seem like outright manipulation and interference, but really it’s just another way the producers control the outcome. If we’ve managed to get over the transparent way the show pimps certain contestants over others every week of every season thus far, I think we can get over this.

Enough of that. It’s Michael Jackson night, so please hide the children. Recap of performances after the jump…

This is the first week in which the contestants have access to Idol’s cracker-jack glamour squad, and for some reason, they’ve chosen to outfit Lil Rounds in Carrie Bradshaw’s leftovers. The pants don’t fit and there’s a huge floral tumor growing out of her left shoulder. The good news is she is singing The Way You Make Me Feel, which is one of my favorites. I’m a fan of Lil because she manages to inflect her own swagger and style on every song she sings without being ostentatious about it. On this night, her riffs are tasteful, her improvisations are subtle – there’s really nothing to complain about. I think Lil is probably going to tread water like this for the next 6 weeks, which is smart. There’s no need to take any big risks until she has to, and unless she just bombs one night, I think she’s a lock for Top 6. And seriously, if the only thing Simon can think to critique is her outfit, than she’s doing just fine.

There’s more to Scott MacIntyre than being blind and having a hot brother. He also has a blind sister. Tonight, he will sing Keep the Faith (a song I’ve never heard) and play the piano. You know, I have to give him his props because I think it is hard enough to play the piano and sing at the same time, even with SIGHT, so I’m impressed. I just wish the singing was better. He has a nice tone most of the time, but whenever things get out of his natural register, it all goes up his nose. I keep expecting him to honk or something. The judges are complimentary, except for Simon who blasts him for choosing an unknown song (Amen, Simon), but all in all, a good night for Scott. I have to say, though, I found it hard to watch him again… and I’m starting NOT to feel bad about it. I think I would be less creeped out if he wore some sunglasses, but I also don’t expect him to change anything for my own comfort. This is just the way it’s probably going to be… I’m going to continue being uncomfortable and he’s going to keep making me uncomfortable until we get used to one another and the problem is solved on its own. Seriously, though, I haircut would really help. He looks like Richard Simmons.

Damn my eyes and ears, Danny Gokey does not suck. Now his family, on the other hand, with their housework sing-a-longs… they suck. But his performance of P.Y.T. most certainly does not, and it’s killing me a little bit. Even the dancing, which was terrible, came across as cutely self-deprecating and endearing and how the hell am I supposed to hate him for that? And I have to give him credit for picking an upbeat, fun number instead of the “hopeful” and “inspiring” garbage I might have expected. His vocals were a tad screechy and out of control, but even that didn’t bother me as much as it might have under other circumstances. The judges slather on the praise because that’s what they have been programmed to do, and I’m left to wonder what I’m going to do with all of my rage.

Michael Sarver picked You Are Not Alone, which everyone knows, so I’m curious to see what he does with it. It’s got a little country twang to it, not a lot but enough, and he changes the melodies up only slightly, perhaps because he knows that too much change will infuriate the purists. I thought his rendition was a pleasure to listen to, but he needs to work on his facial expressions – sometimes he looks deranged and they mess up his vowels. And can I just say that I’m glad he chose this song, as opposed to Gokey or Scott, because from him I don’t get the sense that he has ulterior motives. The judges rave about his vocals, and both Simon and Kara mention how well he connects to the song emotionally. It’s a good performance, but once it’s over I forget about it immediately.

Out of all the Wildcard contestants, I think Jasmine Murray has the least backing from the populace, probably because she is the weakest vocalist out of the Top 13. I understand why the judges picked her (even if she took a spot that should have gone to Jesse Langseth) – she’s young and poised and cute – but none of that matters if the vocals are bad. Tonight, she takes on I’ll Be There, another song that everyone knows. She looks cute, so there’s that, but again… the vocals are lacking. She’s flat on every high note, which Paula, who is having some kind of night, points out in her critique. I think with Jasmine, the performances have been very blah – decent singing with no personality. If she can’t draw us in her with attitude, then we have nothing to attach to. There are worse singers in the world who make it very far on personality alone, so Jasmine Murray proves that in order to make it, you kind of need both.

Kris Allen is fine as hell, and even though I don’t normally go for his type, I have no issue liking him based purely on looks. Hey… I don’t make the rules – good looking people are just better! He has chosen Remember the Time, another one of my favorites, and he has strapped on his guitar for accompaniment. Strangely, or not really, I don’t remember much about his performance. I do, however, remember his bright smile, tight ass, and cute facial ticks (he licks his lips a lot). I have to count on the judges to fill me in on how the singing went, and apparently it went pretty well. Randy thinks he has a Jason Mraz quality (why? Because he sings out of the side of his mouth? You’ll have to do better than that, Randy…), and Kara and Paula feel the need to make him aware of how sexy he is, which… DUH!! Simon knows how these things work, though, and warns Kris that it might have been too early to introduce the world to his wife, who is in the audience looking quite pissed, actually. Look, Mrs. Allen… this is the world we live in. It isn’t easy having a gorgeous husband at the best of times, so it’s even harder to have a famous, gorgeous husband. Just ask Hugh Jackman’s wife, she knows all about it.

Is it weird that I had no idea that Allison Iraheta was Latina? How did I miss that? Her parents are from El Salvador, and I will say that I can definitely see the Latina in her tonight. Maybe her make-up was different last time I saw her… or something. Anyway, tonight she will perform Give In To Me, another song I don’t know, but it doesn’t matter because it is awesome. There are so many things going for Allison: she has the most authentic rock vocals I’ve ever heard from a female on this show (and I include Kelly Clarkson and Gina Glocksen), plus she is the only one of her kind this season, which should help her. Also, she’s so young; she probably won’t balk at changing things about herself, which is an absolute must in the industry. She does need to work on her off-stage personality a little bit – her interviews are the only times when I can tell she’s kind of awkward and immature. But even then, she’s off-beat and strange, which is never a bad thing.

Ya’ll know Anoop is the annopple of my eye, so this performance of Beat It was like a nightmare for me, and not just because it was terrible. The girls in the typing pool have been giving me a hard time for loving him (they’re all about Kris and Danny, which I don’t begrudge them), so I’ve found myself on the defensive. And this is how Anoop repays me. I thought the performance was pitchy, corny, and amateur. He says he was going for high-energy – all I saw was a guy sapping all the energy right out of the room. Simon nails it, as usual: the song needs to be performed aggressively, and Anoop’s popped collar and new haircut is about as far from aggressive as… well, an upper-middle-class Indian kid performing Michael Jackson. In other words, this was a doomed venture from the very start. I did, however, enjoy the new haircut.

Jorge Nunez’s entire family is crowded around the TV down in Puerto Rico as he takes the stage to perform Never Can Say Goodbye, yet another tune I’ve never heard of. I don’t know what it is, but I really like this guy’s voice… I could listen to him all day. I’m not sure he performs particularly well, because I catch myself looking away pretty often, like to look at a magazine or write out my grocery list. But his singing is excellent. The judges, for some reason, basically throw their drinks at him with criticisms ranging from old-fashioned to unemotional to corny. I don’t understand where all this coming from, because I thought it was fine. I wonder what Jorge did to piss them off… and then I wonder if I really care… and then I think, no I don’t, so I must not care for Jorge too much either. Well played, judges… well played.

Megan Joy is next with her rendition of Rockin’ Robin, which I do know. And I love it. I can’t explain it – I know a lot of people thought it was the pinnacle of suck – but there’s just something about her that works for me. Vocally, I thought her performance was interesting – I loved the quirky little touches here and there. I mean, at least she thought about making the song her own. I think Megan’s biggest challenge is going to be song choice, because frankly, I’m not sure there’s anything in the Michael Jackson songbook that fits her personality. This issue is only going to get worse. What the hell is she going to sing on Latin night? Well, in this instance I don’t really care what the judges think. I enjoyed her performance; I even downloaded it (there’s a first time for everything).

I can’t wait for Adam Lambert to perform in drag. I mean, I don’t think he will (Show will not allow it), but wouldn’t that be something? He has chosen to sing Black or White (FANTASTIC song), but rather than sing it, he runs around the stage like he’s being chased by homophobes. WHY IS HE SCREAMING EVERY WORD!!? I’m a big fan, seriously… I think he’s an amazing vocalist with incredible presence on stage, and I’m excited about his place in Gay/American Idol relations, but I did not enjoy this performance. I want him to sing something along the lines of what he did in Hollywood (Cher’s Believe), because I enjoy hearing actual singing! Anyway, the judges fall over themselves, kissing his ass and otherwise acting ecstatically, which I’m happy about, because that means he’ll stick around for awhile and maybe he can sing something I’ll like.

Matt Giraud has the honor of following Adam Lambert, and I can’t help but sense that the audience hasn’t quite calmed down yet. There’s an intensity in the room that has nothing to do with him. He sings Human Nature at the piano, and honestly, I don’t remember a damn thing about it. I think my ears were still ringing from all of Adam’s carrying on. And since the clock is running out, the judges don’t really have time to critique him. They seem to like him, though, but that might just be because they don’t have time to complain.

The final spot of the night goes to Alexis Grace, and she’s wearing black formal shorts – actually, it might be a onesie. It’s gross, whatever it is. She sings Dirty Diana, which I haven’t heard, but I like and will download immediately after the show. Her vocals are predictably very good – she has good dynamics and the song builds nicely. I dig it. Again, the judges fly through some pointless comments which fall mostly positive, so Alexis can sleep easily, I think.

I had forgotten how exhausting these two hour performance shows can be. I’m seriously tuckered out. At the same time, I’m excited about how many singers I actually like this season. It’s been so long since I’ve cared… I’m feeling things and I’m not sure I appreciate it. My favorites right now are probably Allison, Alexis, Kris and Adam, with the understanding that Kris is only up there because I like to look at him and Adam is kind of on notice after tonight’s performance. The ones in trouble are probably Jasmine (for being the weakest vocalist and kind of boring), Micheal (for disappearing into the background), Anoop (for a truly heinous performance), and Jorge (for not connecting to the audience in any way).

Results!

No point beating around the bush: Jasmine and Jorge go home. And I have the feeling this will be the only elimination episode that doesn’t break my heart. I pretty much like everyone left – some more than others - but it’s safe to say I’ll miss any who leaves. If I try to be objective, though, I’m pulling for early eliminations for Matt G, Scott, Megan, and Michael, but only because I find them the least interesting. I would put Gokey in the same category, but I’m not retarded… I know he’ll be around for awhile whether I like it or not. Anoop needs to turn things around, that’s for sure. And Lil needs to have a breakout performance soon as well, because she is close to being taken for granted as the best singer, which might be true, but she is certainly NOT the most interesting contestant. We might as well rename this season Operation Take Down Danny Gokey, because that’s what it is… already.

Dancing with the Stars: Top 13 Part 1

2009-03-16T01:00:00.002-04:00

Welcome to another season of the world’s most dangerous reality T.V. show: Dancing with the Stars. Uninsured celebrities need not apply.

Since premeditating this season, two celebrities have already been forced to drop out for dancing-relating injuries. Jewel fell victim to fractures in both legs (Yeeeouch!) and Nancy O’dell freaking tore her meniscus (which, after some extensive research on wikipedia, is something important in the knee). Neither of these ladies look particular fragile, so what I have to ask is: what the hell kind of dances have they been learning? I know ballroom dancing is physical, but damn…

Dance by dance, after the jump…

Li’l Kim would like to dedicate her cha-cha to all her girlfriends in prison, which is the funniest thing I’ve ever heard. It’s such a shame she brought that gem out in the first 10 minutes of the show, because we could have used it later (it’s all downhill from there). As the Latin-infused beats of Nasty Boyz (?) comes on, “Black Barbie and Ken” dance a perfectly adequate cha-cha. I immediately notice that she has good hip action and footwork. I also notice that her face looks almost as tight as Derek’s pants, which is VERY. The judges make the usual nonsensical remarks and score her straight 7’s, which is a respectable way to start on this show. I feel I must address the “prison” issue, because it seems to be coming up a lot and people are confused. Li’l Kim served time in prison for conspiracy and perjury (she apparently lied under oath to protect a friend), so it’s not like she went to jail for cutting someone or something. It does seem kind of strange to giggle and laugh about a stint in prison, especially on camera to an audience that may or may know what exactly happened, but I don’t think Li’l Kim is ashamed or embarrassed about her criminal record, so there’s no point in keeping it under wraps. I did laugh, though, when Tom Bergeron cracked a joke at her expense (“I’d like to dedicate my hosting duties to the guys at Rikers Island…”), even if Li’l Kim didn’t find it particularly funny.

Belinda Carlisle is up next, and she and her partner, Jonathan Roberts, will grace us with the first epically boring dance of the season. I think the Waltz is my least favorite ballroom dance, at least on this show. Professionally, it’s fast and spinning and almost dizzying to watch, but watching Jonathan and Belinda do it, zzzzzz. It seems Belinda was worried about the spins making her dizzy, so much so that she is anxious about perhaps vomiting on the dancefloor. That would be awesome. Meanwhile, we never see Jonathan teach her how to spot turns, which would be really helpful. Anyway, like I said, the dance is boring and Belinda is incredibly stiff, thudding around the floor like she’s a 500 lb. bedazzled statue. The judges agree with me and score her at 17.

Next is Lawrence Taylor, the one who played football. He feels the pressure to do as well as all the previous professional football players, and based on his cha-cha, he has a long way to go. What we have here is an example of the paradox that plagues many a hot-blooded hetero celebrity on this show: the fear of looking foolish tends to make one dance stiff and straight, which makes one look like an uncoordinated oaf. Why must all of these men be afraid to move their hips? Is it because it looks gay? I lose patience with this – it’s every season with this show. If you’re worried about looking twee, you probably shouldn’t agree to be on this show. Anyway – sure enough, Lawrence lets his insecurities get the best of him. Despite all of Edyta’s efforts to make the dance exciting, all I can see is how wooden and uninvolved he is. The judges hand him a 16.

Here comes Steve-O. I was hard on him in my premeditative post, but it turns out he has been in rehab for a couple of months facing his demons. He hopes DWTS will be a wholesome activity and a good addition to his post-rehab regimen. I’m sure it won’t hurt his career, either. He is much more behaved in the rehearsal footage than I would have expected, and Lacey Schwimmer seems up to the challenge of keeping him on track. Johnny Knoxville and Weeman are in the audience to join us as we watch the most bizarre waltz I’ve ever seen on this show. Steve-O is obviously enjoying himself, which is a plus, but he performs the dance like it’s one of his stunts; no rhythm, no grace, no control. Despite all of this (and quite a few miffed steps), I have to agree with the judges that it was decent for a first outing, but he’s got a lot of work to do. At least he’s entertaining. He scores a 17.

Gilles Marini is next and I’ve been looking forward to this, because up to this point all I know about him is that he has a penis and likes to show it, which forces me to think of him as a slice of man-meat, as opposed to an actual person. It seems this show thinks similarly because the camera wastes no time before zooming in on his ass during the rehearsal footage (and seriously, thanks!). His partner, Cheryl Burke, raves about his natural abilities, that is… when she isn’t admonishing him for being too feminine. They show us so much footage of Cheryl calling him a woman that I’m wondering what they want me to take from it all. Am I supposed to think he’s a fruitcake? Is that supposed to be a bad thing? Their cha-cha is fantastic thanks to Gilles natural Latin fire and an obvious talent for dancing (and Cheryl’s choreography, I guess). The judges give him a 24… very high marks for a premiere.

Moving on to Chuck Wicks and Julianne Hough: we’re subjected to the first (of many…I presume) excruciating rehearsal packages in which we explore the trials and tribulations of trying to be a couple and a “couple” at the same time. Julianne finds Chuck to be the most frustrating pupil she has ever had, while Chuck ADDs all over the place. This is going to get real old real fast. Their waltz is almost impressive – lots of fast spins and fast footwork – but Chuck looks confused a good bit of the time, and Julianne is clearly pulling him along. The judges, after commending him on his natural grace, urge him to work on refining his movements and dancing less frantically. He scores a 20 (too high in my opinion, especially considering the obvious LIFT!)

After checking in with Jewel and her bum legs, we are introduced to her replacement: Holly Madison, previously known for being one of Hugh Hefner’s pieces of arm-candy. Historically, women like Holly have not fared well on this show, probably because of the show’s voting base, which I imagine to be mostly housewives and gays. She threatens the housewives and lacks the personality to turn on the guys, so basically she’s cannon fodder. I worry even more for her because her partner is Dmitry Chaplin, a new and relatively unknown professional. What Dmitry lacks in name recognition he makes up by being incredibly attractive. The new couple has only had about a week to prepare their cha-cha, so we shouldn’t expect perfection. As they dance, I can see some tentativeness on Holly’s part, and Dmitry is visibly coaching her through it, but all in all, it’s a totally passable performance. The judges comment that she has great potential and will probably be a contender once she’s caught up with the others. The question, though, is whether or not this audience will get behind a Playboy model… She scores an 18.

I lost a huge bet with the girls in the typing pool because Ty Murray showed up to the premiere without a cowboy hat perched atop his head. I will probably hold a grudge. Ty is about as country as this show has ever gotten, so of course he’s uncomfortable with all the hip-swinging and butt-shaking. He mentions at least five times that all of his friends are probably laughing at him, so I must scream at my TV, “WHY DID YOU COME ON THE SHOW THEN?!” But then I remember Jewel and how this was supposed to be some sort of ratings coup - a real-life married couple competing against each other - and I think he was probably roped into this, much like the poor cows at his rodeo, and then I feel a little sorry for him. Well, don’t worry, Ty… you probably won’t be around for long. I’m sad, though, because I love Chelsie Hightower. Girl, that’s called pulling the short straw – better luck next season. Their cha-cha is awkward, scary, and very hard to watch. He totally loses it about halfway through – Chelsie can only cover so much. I will say, though, that despite his reservations and obvious discomfiture, he did try very hard. I think the judges agree, because they score him at a very generous 14.

YAY! Shawn Johnson and Mark Ballas. I’m very excited about this pair. Unfortunately, the show has opted to start them with a waltz, rather than a hot and sexy Latin dance, so I suppose I’ll have to wait another week before seeing Ballas’s hips blazing around the dance floor like I like it. The show also refuses to let us forget Shawn’s young age, as evidenced by her inability to suppress her giggles during rehearsals. Honestly, I think she is handling herself quite well – I don’t know what I would do if Mark Ballas looked at me that way. Actually, yes I do. But I’ll save it for myself. Aaaanyway, their waltz is great, as expected. Shawn would like us to believe her gymnastics won’t help her in the competition, but that’s just bullshit. The gymnastics have taught her how to be graceful and poised and balanced, so she should just own it. The judges score her well (23), but they do call her out for her PRESENTATION arms. Also, is it just me, or is her voice a lot less squeaky than it was at the Olympics? Thank God.

Oh, Steve Wozniak. I laugh and I cry and I shake my head. There are times when I find his dorkiness endearing and then there are times when I really want the other professional dancers to stuff him in a locker. I mean, I thought most nerds kind of grow out of it, but Steve is probably no less socially awkward than he was at 13. I love it when he spouts off some nerd-speak in front of Karina, because her looks of incredulity are priceless. Seriously, her eyes glaze over like she’s trying to find her happy place. Of course, the dance is terrible. He’s flat-footed and sloppy, and there are many wince-worthy moments. But, at the same time, he is so into it, it’s impossible not to smile. The judges’ reactions are complimentary (he’s having fun) but damning (Bruno called him a teletubby of all things). He scores a 13.

Poor Kym Johnson has no idea what to do with David Alan Grier. Neither do I. I don’t know if I found his shtick funny or annoying. I do know that he comes across kind of crazy, and I’m not sure if that’s on purpose or not. I am curious, however, to find out… so well played, DAG. Their waltz is actually pretty solid as far as technique goes, but he makes some of the strangest faces. The waltz face is serene and happy, but he looks like he is coming unglued. I’m glad the judges mention it, because that means they found it as disconcerting as I. They score a 19, and it would have been higher if it hadn’t been for a lift in there somewhere.

It’s only the first week and Maxsim has already made his partner cry. That man sure works fast. Is he really that much of a douche bag or is Denise Richards just too sensitive? I have to be honest; I’m not much interested in watching these two kids fight every week. Just shut up and dance, Richards, because if you suck and get kicked off early I’ll give you something to cry about. Sadly, their cha-cha isn’t fantastic – she’s stiff and wooden and frightened of the steps, leaving Max to do most of the work (and work he does). The judges collectively encourage her to let go more and PERFORM, which I think she can probably do (she better), if only to keep Max from yelling at her some more. She receives an 18. As a superficial aside: has Max gained some weight, esp. in the posterior area? I’m not complaining at all, it just seems juicier than usual back there, and trust me, I was looking.

Last and certainly least: Melissa Rycroft, the 11th hour replacement for Nancy O’Dell. I have never seen a single episode of The Bachelor or any of its derivatives, so I have no idea who this chick is, but the internets tell me that she was chosen by The Bachelor and then un-chosen in a despicable way, so we’re all supposed to love her and support her because she done been wronged something awful. She was pulled into this venture less than two days ago and has been paired with Tony Dovalani (not sure which of those is worse), so tonight we’re going to see the most under-rehearsed waltz in DWTS history. Yippee. But shut up, everyone, because their performance is actually quite good – like, a whole lot better than some of the others. Sure, Tony has to verbally coach her the whole time, which is kind of distracting, but she certainly doesn’t suck. The judges are impressed and score her a 23, which is tied for the second highest score of the night.

Here’s how things stand at the end of Round 1. Next Monday is Round 2 followed by eliminations on Tuesday.

Gilles and Cherly – 24
Melissa and Tony – 23
Shawn and Mark – 23
Li’l Kim and Derek – 21
Chuck and Julianne – 20
D.A.G. and Kym – 19
Holly and Dmitry – 18
Denise and Maksim – 18
Belinda and Jonathan – 17
Steve-O and Lacey – 17
Lawrence and Edtya – 16
Ty and Chelsie – 14
Steve and Karina – 13

My Interview with Mary...

2009-03-13T00:30:00.000-04:00

Mary over at The Woo Woo Teacup Journal had the great idea of holding impromptu interviews with blog friends, and when she asked for interested parties, I said… bring it on. Because there’s nothing I like more than talking about myself.

In this case, Mary will be playing the part of Babwa Wahwahs, and I’ll be her next celebrity guest… after the jump…

What is your current job? What tasks are part of it? What do you enjoy about your work?

Currently, I’m the Admin for a group of student support departments (four departments, to be exact) at a University. I serve as the office manager, budget officer and bookkeeper, and executive assistant to the boss. None of that’s in my title, but you know… duties as assigned and all that. My daily duties can seem kind of mundane (receptionist, student intern supervisor, secretary, etc…), but I also function as the hub of most of our large projects, so I get to participate in just about everything that goes on (whether I like it or not). There is event-planning, lots of student outreach, and 80 hours a week’s worth of organizing, communicating, and knocking heads together. This isn’t where I pictured myself when I graduated from college, but I love being busy, I love being counted on for important things, and I LOVE working with students. I should also mention that I was thrust into this position by a crazy set of circumstances that had me in fits for about four months. After all the sturm und drang, I can now say that I love the people I work with, I like what I’m doing, and there’s some potential growth. Things are looking good.

What were you like as a little kid? How would have described yourself then? How would others have described you? How have you changed since then?

To be honest, I don’t remember much of that time. I’m a middle child, and I know lots of parents kind of lose interest in documenting childhood once they’ve had their first child, but my parents took it to an extreme. And since my memory is crappy anyway, I only have vague, murky ideas of myself back then. I do know that I was incredibly cute – a heartbreaker, really; yellow hair, huge blue eyes, pale skin, and a grin that made old ladies faint. WHAT HAPPENED!!? If I’m doing the describing, I’d probably say I was shy and quiet, but when I felt safe and comfortable, I was a terror – I spent most of my early years attached to my mother by a leash. My parents, meanwhile, tell me that I was one of those kids that Cosby put on his show, saying and doing the darndest things. There are lots of stories of this cute little blonde boy acting like a complete whacko in public – knocking over mannequins, hitting complete strangers, throwing up in restaurants – but all in such a cute way. Since then, I’ve gotten a whole lot less cute, but most of my personality is still intact: I’m shy and quiet, but when I feel safe and comfortable, I’m a complete whacko.

What is your earliest memory?

Well, remember: vague and murky… but I sort of remember my first airplane ride to visit my grandmother in Wisconsin. I even remember the coloring book I had and the music I had with me (Raffi – dear lord, I still love me some Raffi, esp. Baby Beluga and Apples and Bananas [Aaypples and Banaynays]).

What is your history with music? Where did it start? Other than listening to music, how do you connect with it as an adult?

I go all the way back with music. My parents tell me that I used to clap out drum parts to classical music as young as two or three, and I loved to sing along with my records. My parents used to park me in front of relatives and tell me to sing, and everyone would just DIE because I was so good. I don’t remember any of that, but I’ve been told my Home on the Range was particularly moving. Anyway, my aunt was visiting at Christmas when I was about eight years old, and one night she taught me how to read music. She made some flashcards of notes on the staff after dinner, and by bedtime I could pick the notes out on the keyboard by sight. She convinced my parents to put me in piano lessons STAT and that’s when this whole business started. So… piano lessons from third grade to college graduation, marching band in high school, lots of concert band, a little bit of chorus, and more chamber music than I care to recall. Even though I’m not performing music anymore, it’s still very much in my soul – probably always will be. I loved performing (the attention, the praise, the excitement), but it was never really about all that. For me, it was always about the sounds. I found out – quite late, actually – that I take more joy from listening and applauding than from performing. So now, I love that I can be a fan, an enthusiast, a supporter. Let those crazy people stress themselves out and practice for eight hours a day and put up with the politics of subjective critique; I’ll just sit here and enjoy it. Besides, there are lots of other things I’m good at, and most of those things pay a lot more anyway.

What would you like to achieve in the next 5 years?

In the next five years, I would like to achieve… something. Really I have no idea. I know I have to go back to school to get another degree, but in what?? I’ve thought about law school, accounting, teaching… maybe even music history, but I’m still kind of flaking out about it. My boss wants me to go for Higher Education Administration, which makes a lot of sense, but again… I’m not sure that’s what I want to do for the long haul. I definitely want to move to a big city (preferably New York), but I feel pressure to make a few more important decisions before taking that on. So yeah… something.

Thanks, Mary!! And here’s five for you:

1. I know you like to be crafty: what’s your favorite crafty/artistic pursuit and why?
2. You’re a writer and a reader, so I’m curious: how do you feel about comic books and graphic novels? Are you into them?
3. Childhood fave time: book, toy, subject in school, food. GO!
4. Describe how you felt when you finished writing your book (some writers talk about a feeling of loss, others say it’s like having a load taken off).
5. This one is complicated, but we tossed it around on a staff retreat a few weeks ago, and I’m interested in your thoughts. Part A: You win a vacation on a gameshow to anywhere in the world! Where would you go? But wait, there’s a Part B: the show will only pay for your lodging and one meal a day, and you are otherwise completely broke. Where to now?

MVD 3-12-09 Melinda Doolittle / It’s Your Love

2009-03-12T09:03:00.000-04:00

It’s been almost two years since Melinda Doolittle shrugged her way into my heart during her great run on the sixth season of American Idol. She was always my secret favorite, even though I knew she didn’t have much of a chance against Jordin Sparks’s indomitable cuteness or Blake Lewis’s bubble-butt. Still, third place ain’t bad and a month or so ago her solo album was finally released. Entitled Coming Back to You, it’s a charming collection of diverse covers (from standards from the 30’s to Celine Dion), all of which show off Melinda’s brilliant interpretational skills and amazing vocals.

For those not paying attention, the music world is in the midst of a spectacular R&B/soul/doo-wop revival, especially in the UK (Amy Winehouse, Duffy, Adele, Estelle, and many more), and Melinda is the latest American artist to participate in the trend. These artists not only revel in the old styles, they also revel in recording the songs with as little production as possible, perhaps to capture the live feeling of so many of the great albums from the past. Melinda’s arrangements, when they aren’t appropriately sparse, are full of big-band brass and whispering strings, and the vocals, obviously, are absolutely pristine.

Since Melinda Doolittle famously got her start as a back-up singer, it’s no wonder that many of the songs on the album feature exuberant backing vocals, a quality that probably catches Melinda’s immediate attention. Nowhere is this more obvious than on her first single, It’s Your Love. Personally, the back-up vocals are the hook to this song – I tend to sing along with them more often than the melody…

Here’s the video:

Gilmore Girls Alumni Report…

2009-03-11T09:37:00.000-04:00

The inspiration for this post came from this picture…

It’s Alexis Bledel as Rosie the Riveter, one of twelve photos of current starlets depicting risk-taking and ground-breaking female American Icons shot for Glamour Magazine (click here to see the rest). When I saw it, I thought… well at least she’s working.

That’s not really fair, I guess. Alexis has done pretty well for herself, thanks to those traveling pants, but I really wish her career would blast off into the stratosphere, because I think she’s great. So then I thought, I wonder how she really IS doing… does she have any movies coming out that don’t involve magical slacks? And then I started wondering about all the rest of the inhabitants of Stars Hollow, who all seem to have drifted into relative obscurity.

So here’s the 411. Alexis does have some movies coming out (no wandering trousers to speak of)… the first is a film called The Post Grad Survival Guide, staring Alexis as a recent graduate struggling to figure out what to do next (I CAN RELATE!). It also stars Carol Burnett and Michael Keaton. I found a brief snippet from an entertainment show, if you’re interested.

The Post Grad Survival Guide is due out in August. The other film is called The Good Guy, and in it, Alexis plays the boyfriend of the title character. There isn’t much about it on the interwebs at the moment, but it is scheduled to come out this year, so I’ll keep you posted. Oh, and this is wild: Anna Chlumsky plays her best friend – isn’t that a blast from the past?

Moving on to Lorelei. Lauren Graham has popped up fairly frequently since Gilmore Girls went off the air, mostly in supporting roles in less-than-successful films. Her biggest coup was playing Steve Carrell’s wife in Evan Almighty, which might have been a bigger deal if that movie was any good (note: it wasn’t). There are some rumors of new TV projects, but those take so long to pan out, who can even know? Her next movie is Arlen Faber, with Jeff Daniels.

Meanwhile, Lauren has made good waves on Broadway re-inventing the role of Adelaide of Guys and Dolls. The show had its official opening at the beginning of March and the critics are being kind. I’m happy for her and everything, but I would dearly love to see her on my TV again soon.

Other than a poorly received CW pilot (Aliens in America) and appearances in Saw IV and V (which are movies I refuse to see), Scott Patterson hasn’t had much going on. I don’t think he has been given the opportunity to shine just yet, but there has to be some curmudgeonly, yet sexy, role out there for him somewhere. Some of the internet chatter involves some behind-the-camera work on future projects, but there isn’t much to corroborate that.

Sookie St. James (I still have trouble remembering her real name, which is Melissa McCarthy – she just looks like a Sookie to me) had the best turn-around of the bunch, it seems. She landed another best friend bit on Samantha Who?, playing the sad but utterly endearing childhood friend of Christina Applegate’s title character. Melissa is great in the role and has become one of my favorite characters on the show, which returns from hiatus later this month.

Kelly Bishop, aka Emily Gilmore, went right back to where she started after Gilmore Girls was cancelled: Broadway. She continues to perform all over New York. And what of Richard Gilmore, played by Edward Herrman? He keeps busy with guest spots, voiceover work, and supporting characters in movies.

Did ya’ll realize that Keiko Agena is freaking THIRTY-FIVE years old? How did I not know that? Thank you, Wikipedia. Anyway, our dear Lane Kim can be seen in small guest spots on TV shows mostly.

Sean Gunn, who played Kirk, had a recurring role in the short-lived October Road and several other guest-roles, but he is currently known for helping create the web-comedy, PG Porn, which spoofs pornographic movies. They’re kind of funny – keep in mind the audience (SpikeTV) – but if you’re curious, here’s the one with Nathan Fillion (I’ll watch just about anything with Nathan Fillion).

Like the rest of her class, Liza Weil (Paris Gellar) is a champ when it comes to guest spots on big TV shows. But she’s also working hard to break into movies. She scored some small roles (Year of the Dog), but much of her work has found its way into the direct-to-DVD market. There are three new movies already out of production, so we’ll see.

Rory’s boys have all done well for themselves. Milo Ventimiglia went on to star in Heroes, which was good for like a minute and now royally sucks, but whatever. He has also done a couple of movies, playing such diverse roles as The Son of Rocky in Rocky Balboa, and a morally confused pathologist who should learn how to pick better friends in the movie Pathology. I rented Pathology and it’s pretty good if your stomach can handle the subject matter. The best parts, though, are the gratuitous ass shots – thanks, Milo!

Jared Padalecki, of course, plays Sam Winchester on the super-awesome show Supernatural, with which I am personally obsessed. It really is the best show that no one is watching. There were some bit parts in movies, I think, but nothing huge until he landed a leading role in the latest Friday the 13th iteration. I’ve heard he’s good in it, but I make it a point not to encourage these silly horror franchises, even if they are kind of fun to see in theatres.

And finally, Matt Czuchry, also known as The Huntzberger. He had a recurring role on Friday Night Lights and small roles in a few movies, but all in all, his career has been pretty quiet.

There are many more Stars Hollow denizens that probably deserve an update, but I think I’ve hit the high points. And don’t worry: I’m following the rumors about a possible Gilmore Girls movie very closely, so I’ll be the first to know (well… I’ll do my best anyway). At the moment, I don’t think there’s a chance in hell, but people have a way of re-evaluating when the roles aren’t pouring in, not that I wish that on any of them (too much).

It should be a National Holiday…

2009-03-10T02:33:00.003-04:00

Today is the release of Kelly Clarkson’s 4th studio album, All I Ever Wanted. I’ve listened to it already (legally, I might add) and It. Is. AWESOME! Welcome back, Kelly. And congrats!

I’ll probably have my headphones glued to my ears all night so it might be best to call me later in the week.

And since I haven’t posted it yet, here’s the video for the first single: My Life Would Suck Without You.

Kelly Clarkson |MTV Music

…reacts to American Idol Top 36 Wildcard Round

2009-03-08T01:32:00.003-05:00

Oh, for God's sake, GET UP!! YOU ARE ON TV! We'll get to Tatiana del Loco in just a minute...

America has chosen nine finalists, including some obvious choices and some not so obvious choices, but all of them acceptable and perfectly predictable. So now it’s up to the judges to fill out the final three spots. Last night, they pulled eight of the rejects out of America’s pile of leftovers, including some obvious choices and some not so obvious choices, but all acceptable and perfectly predictable. They are: Ricky, Jasmine, Von, Megan, Matt G., Jesse, Anoop, and freaking Tatiana del Toro. This... is American Idol, and this… will probably be excruciating.

Jesse Langseth is up first, singing Tell Me Something Good, a song that always reminds me of that episode of Will and Grace in which Karen discovers Stan cheating on her with the cafeteria worker from his white-collar prison, played by the inimitable Minnie Driver. Aaaanyway, I expect to see some changes from their previous performances, because this time they aren’t after the approval of America, but rather, the approval of the judges, so any attempt NOT to be the exact shape of the pigeon hole in which the judges have placed them is not only suicidal but also a waste of our time. These judges play by the rules of TV ratings and marketing, so uniqueness and artistry will be rewarded with disdain and a dismissive wave, and GOD I hope we’re ready for it because this could get hard to watch. Like I said, Jesse is up first and she is fantastic. Her performance is sultry and utterly natural; it seems easy for her which is what I like to see. The judges are complimentary, but I get the feeling they can’t place her in one of those molds they cling to so fiercely, so honestly I don’t have a whole lot of hope.

Matt Giraud is not playing around anymore ya’ll. Tonight, he will sing a song I don’t know, but it’s bluesy and soulful, which is exactly what the judges want. He is clearly a good singer, both technically and artistically, so the judges can’t take that away from him, but they may have qualms about his wardrobe. What’s with that scarf? It’s wrapped so tightly, it’s almost like he came prepared with a noose with which to off himself should things not work out in his favor.

Megan Corkrey would like us to meet her black horse and her cherry tree, and as a result, be bored out of our minds. I really don’t get it is about this girl. Well, I get that she’s cute, and her dancing is atrocious in a clueless kind of way, which I suppose is endearing, and she has moments when her voice is titillating and awesome, but I definitely don’t get why Simon likes her so much. I’m not sure the judges are listening, really, because all of their devotion seems to come from her look and her dancing and her attitude (all of which are cute and fun, true), but WHAT ABOUT THE SINGING!? This performance wasn’t bad, but there are better singers in this competition, especially among those left behind from the preliminary rounds, so basically I’m interested in knowing what game the judges are playing right about now.

Confession time: I kind of like Von Smith. I think he is an exceptionally powerful singer with an exceptionally powerful instrument. But there’s something about him that makes him hard to watch and listen to. On this particular night, I was distracted by his hairstyle – it was windblown times 1,000, except the wind was blowing not just in his face, but also from each side, forcing his hair into a configuration not unlike an elf’s pointy hat. And then there were some of the high notes that sounded painful. A good singer should be able to sing high and loud without making faces that remind me of someone passing kidney stones.

Jasmine Murray is back and has apparently confused American Idol with a high-school beauty pageant because she is going to sing Reflections. This song has become such a cliché, hasn’t it? Granted, it’s a much better choice than her previous one, but it couldn’t be more boring. I think I know what the judges see in her: pretty, young, and infinitely likeable. But do all of those things trump talent? Her performance of the song is actually kind of terrible – pitchy, oversung, and waaaay up her nose, it’s almost like the song is too hard for her. To review, she chose a sappy ballad that every other singer can do and sang it badly, and yet, the judges think she hit it out of the park. Uh, what?

Ricky Braddy, in his jeans so tight,
Came out to sing Superstition tonight.
He sang it with soul and he sang it so well
Such a shame that the judges don’t think he will sell.

Tatiana Del Toro is terrifying, but not for the reason you think. She is the ultimate paradox: an amazing contender with the potential to win the damn show, stuck with the personality of a lunatic. Out of the four female performances tonight, hers was the most masterful, the most professional, the most… everything really, and yet… the idea of her making it to the Top 12 is something verging on apocalyptic. Personally, I don’t think I could stand to see her one more time – her ramblings and her faux-emotional-breakdowns and her undermedicatedness freaks me out so much – but it seems like a disservice to the competition to put her out of her misery because the truth is: she’s incredible when she is singing. If the judges do the right thing and choose the best singer, it’s Tatiana by a full body-length, but I almost hope they don’t because I’m afraid the sheer volume of her crazy will find a way to transport itself through the airwaves and contaminate an entire generation of viewers into thinking that it’s OK to be a complete nut-job as long as you have the talent to back it up. The life lesson here is that in order to be a success at anything you have to be talented AND somewhat relatable, because even the most talented whackos have trouble getting ahead because people can’t stand to be around them. Sometimes being yourself is the absolute wrong thing to do, and that’s the hardest lesson of all.

Anoop Desai will be the death of me. I don’t think I would like a performance like this in any other context, but I can’t say anything bad about Anoop. The vocals were good, the song choice was ironic, the dancing was endearingly bad… put all of it together and my pupils turn to hearts and my stomach feels queasy and I may even play with my hair a little bit, because I am in love.

It’s all up to the judges now… results after the jump…

Ok – here’s the deal. This is a show. It’s not really a talent competition as much as it is a ratings bonanza. It is silly and naïve for people out there to think that the judges are going to make their decisions based on talent or ability. Simon and Co. are going to choose the three singers who are most likely to build a sustainable audience and perhaps sell records if they happen to win. They are also going to choose the three singers who provide the best balance to the 9 singers already chosen. For all of these reasons, I predict the judges will choose Jasmine, Anoop, and Tatiana. Here’s why: The Top 12 needs more girls, and the entire universe needs Anoop.

Jasmine is in. No surprise there. I’m disappointed because I think she sucks, but I’ll admit she helps to round out the Top 12. I don’t think she has a chance in hell of making it far, unless she just blows me away at some point, but really… she’s cannon fodder.

Ricky Braddy is dismissed. I expected that, though, because it’s been clear from week 1 that the only judge who likes him is Paula, and no one ever listens to her (usually for good reason, but this time: BOO to everyone but Paula).

Next it’s Megan versus Tatiana. I actually fell out of my chair when Megan got the spot, because Tatiana probably deserves it more, but then Tatiana started up with her shenanigans again and I thought… yeah, I probably won’t miss her too much.

So now we have two more girls in the Top 12, which means the last one has to be a guy, so upside down smile for Jesse, who got royally screwed.

Von Smith gets the boot. I thought he had a chance and I’m sure the producers thought he did too, but something about him just wasn’t clicking.

Now it’s Matt G. versus Anoop and I feel badly for Matt because OF COURSE Anoop is going to make it. But then… my world is shattered and Matt G. is given the final stool in the Top 12. Ya’ll, I’m not kidding, I almost started to cry. But then Simon rescued me and told Anoop that they’ve decided to have a Top 13, which is just like I imagine heaven will be, because in my mind, heaven is acres and acres of Anoop.

…reacts to American Idol Top 36 Group C

2009-03-08T01:11:00.002-05:00

The third and final group of the Top 36 performed this week and I say THANK GOD because I am tired.

Let’s quickly recap where things stand. We have Alexis Grace, Danny Gokey, Michael Sarver, Adam Lambert, Allison Iraheta, and Kris Allen so far. So two girls, two church singers, a roughneck, and a homosexual exhibitionist. Yay for diversity. And don’t worry about the obvious lack of a black power-singer, because Lil Rounds will be out in just a moment.

First up is Von Smith and seriously… this is a textbook case of not living up to the hype. There is nothing about this boy that is unlikable or offensive. He can sing. He can emote. He can open his mouth wide enough to swallow your soul. And yet… nothing. I’ve watched his performance a couple of extra times to try and identify what it is that makes him a loser and it’s hard… he wasn’t pitchy, he was invested in the performance, he had spirit (yes he did). I’m stuck. Could it be that America was turned off by the suit he wore? Simon hated it, but all I could see wrong with it was that it was about three sizes too big. Will this mystery EVER be solved?

So there was this girl named Taylor Vaifanua, and she is sang If I Ain’t Got You. It was good. HOWEVER, all I can remember about her is how her entire head shook whenever she used vibrato. I’m pretty sure the only things that are supposed to actually vibrate are the vocal cords, otherwise you just look like you’re affirming every lyric with a polite, yet somehow spastic, nod. Unfortunately, my vibrato causes me to shake my head from side to side.

I don’t care what you say about Alex Wagner-Trugman – I LOVE HIM, and if you don’t want him I will gladly take him off your hands. Don’t worry, I’ll make sure he’s fed properly and gets plenty of exercise and I definitely won’t spoil him with excessive attention and affection. Just hand me his leash and move on with your life. See? SEEEE? He doesn’t growl at me, but when he does it’s very cute in a sexually non-threatening kind of way. And, let’s be real – Elton John songs can only be improved with a little bit of growling and nerdy dance moves. I’m totally serious, you guys. I thought he was magical.

Be very, very quiet. I’m hunting 16-year-old bitches who enjoy butchering ABBA songs. That was… I can’t… I’m so upset… She is the devil and there is no cure.

This next guy, whose name is Ju’not (it doesn’t matter how many silent letters and punctuation marks one adds, it’s still Juno), chose to sing Hey There Delilah with a slow R&B slant, and it kind of worked, although that song is pedestrian and sluggish in its original arrangement so I’m not sure Ju’not improved it. He’s got a good voice, but the performance was boring and routine and nothing special and I really don’t care if his name is actually pronounced with the accent over the second syllable, which is even more confusing because it sounds like people are calling him y’know, but with a j sound. If I was one of his middle school teachers calling role I would just piss him off royally because rather than attempt to pull the correct pronunciation out of thin air like a soothsayer I would pronounce it exactly the way it looks, which is the only recourse a wise and rational person has in cases like these, even if my way of pronouncing his name calls to mind that special way Hebrews tie their shoes.

I have to hand it to Kristen McNamara: she worked out those wardrobe issues. After looking like such a hot mess in Hollywood, she appeared on stage with good hair and a cute red and pink dress. I’m thinking she might have gone too pretty, especially in the context of her song choice, which was Gimme One Reason, but hey… looking hot is its own reward. She’s got good chops, except for that disastrous crack on her last note. I liked her, but I don’t think she’ll hold up in this field.

Ya’ll, I really want to like Nathaniel Marshall. I understand why people do. But I cannot abide Sonic-the-Hedgehog haircuts and headbands and awkward step-touching and finger-snapping and squinty facial expressions and piercings that make me think luminescent insects are crawling around his mouth. On top of ALL of that, the singing was sub-par. This is such a change for me because I usually pull for the confused and tragically non-comformist gay boys because I remember that time and it is HARD, so my heart is full and bleeding and forcing its way out of my chest to give this poor, poor boy an iron-flavored bear hug, but… this was AWFUL! This reminds me of the great Meatloaf disaster of 2007 and we all remember how that went.

Felecia Barton would like us to partake of another helping of Alicia Keys, even though we’re still stuffed from the last one. The good news: she is much better than that Taylor girl, at least aesthetically. Sadly, there were some horrendous cracks on the high notes, and towards the end, her pitch-boat capsized into the sea of sharps and flats and she was never heard from again.

Scott MacIntyre performed a charming rendition of Mandolin Rain, and totally deserves the highest compliment of the night, which is: I went and bought this song immediately after the show. No, not Scott’s version, the real one, but Scott should take the compliment anyway. I have to be completely honest here, because if I can’t be completely honest on this, a relatively anonymous blog read only by strangers and friends who get me, then really, where can I be so? Anyway, I honestly have trouble watching him perform. Those eyes of his, which aren’t functional, are so penetrating and unblinking and intense… I just have to look away. I’m not being disrespectful of his disability (promise!), I’m just saying that I have to avert my filthy, ungrateful, fully-functional eyes while he performs. Thankfully, his voice is wonderful and I imagine he will do very well in this competition. There will be people claiming he is the lucky recipient of pity votes, but I’m telling you I don’t think he needs them.

Will Kendall Beard be the one to fill the country slot this year? We don’t have one yet, and while I never pull for them, I admit that things will seem sad and empty without some blonde girl singing about tractors and cheating husbands. She wants to be the next Taylor Swift as she performs Martina’s hit, This One’s For the Girls, and she comes very close. It was pitchy and stilted and basically off at all times – actually, she’s better than Taylor Swift.

Hola, Jorge! And hola, Jorge’s eyebrows! My gay is low, so thank goodness Jorge showed up to inject me with another syringe of Elton John. His version of Don’t Let the Sun Go Down On Me was slightly oversung and not so slightly out of key, but he is a cute young man and his hair has that indefinable quality that causes me to want to obsessively touch it. He wasn’t better than Scott, but he was certainly just as good as Von and JewKnot, so if he doesn’t make it through this time, he’ll be a shoo-in for the Wildcards.

Who’s in the pimp spot? Lil is in the pimp spot. And rightly so. Without a doubt, she was the best singer of the night. On a season that is strangely low on black, female talent, it was nice to hear a good R&B power ballad. Kind of like a homecoming. To be fair, it wasn’t as good as it could have been. I know she’s got better in there somewhere. Maybe it was nerves. The point is: none of these people stand a chance once she starts performing at 100%. As I was watching her, I kind of felt bad for the other girls who performed tonight. They were probably back-stage cursing their fates and packing their panties. But then I thought, all the other girls were pretty rotten – it isn’t like Lil forced out anyone good, so I felt better.

So, did America get it right again? After the jump...

I’m thinking Lil and Scott are givens, but who will get the third spot? I wrote down my three guesses prior to the results show and they were: Kendall (thanks to the country fan-girls), Kristen (because I thought she was pretty good), or Von (because he had such a huge presence in the Hollywood round – really, Von had all of them beat as far as screen-time). And THIS is why I don’t gamble. Somehow, Jorge beat all of them to the third stool. And, you know… I think I’m pleased with that.

It’s so bizarre how male-centric this Top 9 is. It’s almost like the producers planned it. They really picked some terrible girls this year, because even the female singers who made it seem overshadowed by some of these guys. Anyhow, I think I’m coming around to this whole three-week preliminary Top 36 arrangement, because we have successfully weeded out the craptastic singers (female and otherwise) who would have stank up the Top 12, resulting in about 5 weeks of boring television while we wait for the cannon-fodder to get the hell out. This Top 9, even without the final Wildcards, is a tremendous group. I think I like pretty much all of them (except Gokey) and they all seem to have generated positive buzz. How are we going to choose? It’s kind of scary but this is what makes a good viewing experience. Yes… now that I’ve talked that out, I think I’m behind this format completely. Ask me again tomorrow once the Wildcards are done – I may have changed my mind.

Speaking of the Wildcards, here they are!

Jasmine Murray
Jesse Langsmeth
Megan Corkrey
Tatiana Del Toro
Ricky Braddy
Von Smith
Matt Giraud
Anoop Desai

The judges revealed two Wildcards each, but I’m not sure if they represent their actual choices, or what… but I like them. Jasmine definitely deserved another shot. Her dismal performance was about song choice, and she knew it, so I think she can fix it. I’m super happy to see Jesse come back because I’m curious about what she’ll do. Megan was very disappointing the first time around, but she’s got something (not sure what), and I want to see it! And don’t even lie… you were desperate to have Tatiana back too. I said DON’T LIE.

Ricky Braddy was a big fave from Round 1 so big ups to Paula Abdul. Von Smith was pimped for so long they can’t possibly let him go that easily. I don’t like him but I suppose his voice is worth another chance. Matt Giraud kind of blew it with that Coldplay nonsense, even though Coldplay is so obviously not his thing, so hopefully he’ll go back to square one and work it out. And really… Anoop is the best thing ever. I’m all about it. Weirdly, Anoop didn’t seem too pleased about getting called back. I wonder what the hell that was all about?

Were there any oversights? I don’t think so, actually. For once, I’m pretty much on board with the judges. I was, however, surprised that none of the wildcards were used to rescue one of the country singers (Brent Keith, Kendall Beard) because the country quota has certainly not been met, unless they’re counting Michael Sarver, who doesn’t strike me as country, but maybe they can force him into it. And speaking of quotas, with these choices, we have clenched a Top 12 sans black male, which is odd and inconsistent with past seasons. Granted, only two black males made it to the Top 36 and neither were all that great (Stephen Fowler will never live down that tantrum in Hollywood and Ju’not didn’t get a second of screen-time + his uninspired performance in Round 3). The Internet is up in arms over the exclusion of Felicia Barton, but BE SERIOUS SHE WAS TERRIBLE. Other than that, I think the judges got it right.

So, after adding three more figurines to our Diversity Diorama, we have two white rocker girls, two male white-bread church singers, a white gay, a Hispanic gay, a roughneck, a black woman, a white guy with a disability… and a frikkin’ partridge in a pair tree. We’ve already lost our Diversity Diploma since we struck out with black men, but we could stand to add some more women at least, which I think we will, because we must, or the Top 12 is going to look some sort of intramural basketball team from hell.

…reacts to American Idol Top 36 Group B

2009-03-08T00:50:00.002-05:00

Yeah, so I guess I’ll comment on the rest of the American Idol preliminary rounds. I’m in a why-the-hell-not kind of mood.

Question: where are all the good female singers this year? I mean, has the addition of Kara to the judging panel made them incapable of recognizing female talent? If so, throw her ass out straightaway because this season has turned into a sausage-fest. Don’t get me wrong – the guys are awesome; there’s eye-candy AND talent this year in that department, but I’m sad that I don’t see any women capable of carrying on the Kelly/Carrie tradish. At least, I don’t see one yet.

Group A only gave us one female standout in Alexis (that is, unless you dig Tatiana, which I kind of do, but only because I like my reality tv served on a crazy bun with a heaping side of social ineptitude). Group B continued this trend, but with some slight improvements. For one thing, I could tell the girls apart, and I even managed to remember some of their names.

Jasmine Murray was a huge disappointment. I know the judges overuse the “song choice” critique, but that’s all there was to this debacle. I appreciate what Jasmine was going for (I think) with Sara Bareilles’s Love Story, but that song exposed all of her weaknesses when she needed to sing something that showed off her strengths. Based on that performance, it’s hard to know if she has any strengths at all. So sad, really.

The same can be said for Matt Giraud. I love Vida La Vida as much as the next person, but this was not his jam. I wonder if these contestants are psyching themselves out. No one wants to be called a one-note, but this was so far left-field for him (note: the rare appearance of a baseball reference. It’s like a unicorn around here). Here’s the thing: I would rather be called a one-note than an epic failure. It’s true: the judges get tired of the same thing over and over, but the audience tends to eat it up. Advice for Matt: do what you do well, and tell the judges to STFU (well, don’t… but maybe think it in your head).

Jeanine Vailes was an unknown prior to this performance of Maroon 5’s This Love, and afterwards… still an unknown. (note: she’ll fix this on the results show by wearing suspender-shorts and a flannel top. She’s not the first person to try lumberjack chic and she won’t be the last, but big ups for wearing something memorable.)

Nick Mitchell slash Norman Gentle. This guy… I don’t know. A part of me wants him to win the whole damn thing because he so sincere. It takes a lot of courage and self-esteem to humiliate yourself on TV. Do you think he knows that he embarrassed himself? Was that the whole point? I guess what I’m saying is: I don’t know how Nick wants me to take him. Am I laughing with him or at him? Or both? I think both, which is why his shtick doesn’t work. He needs to commit to one voice in his head and stick with it. Otherwise he is just wasting our time. I suppose he is a good singer, but I can’t suppose that we’ve seen him at his best because he was too busy humping the scenery and acting like a fool. I’m sad to say this, but, Nick: And I Am Telling You… pretty sure you’re going.

Allison Iraheta – LOVE HER! On a night when everyone else was mediocre, this gal came out and put it on blast. Her rock vocals were genuine, and she managed to hit all the notes. In fact, it was pitch perfect. It was the only truly exciting performance of the night in my humble opinion – it helps that I love to hear Alone in just about any context. I do want to mention, however, that on any other night it might not have gone over so well. It was so close to the original – I mean, there wasn’t any making-it-her-own. It was a carbon-copy - an AWESOME carbon-copy - but a carbon-copy none-the-less. That said, I’m very excited to hear her sing some more.

Kris Allen is, like, sooo cute. I don’t even mind that he’s a worship-leader, or youth pastor, or Jesus freak or whatever the kids are calling it these days. How many church musicians can we stuff into one season, ya’ll? If Kara doesn’t work out, will they replace her with the Holy Spirit? I wasn’t a huge fan of his rendition of Jacko’s Man in the Mirror, but it was proficient and that, apparently, is plenty to get past the rest of these losers.

Megan Corkrey showed up to sing Put Your Records On and single-handedly bring back crimped hair. Can we all agree that she failed on both counts? Unlike some of the others, I thought she made a good song choice. She just sucked at it. However, I like her and I can see what the judges see in her. I’m going to chalk this one up to nerves and bad dancing.

Matt Breitzke’s rendition of If I Could Only See was passable but utterly forgettable. Very karaoke. And really… we only have room for one blue-collar worker around here and the roughneck already won a stool.

I actually liked Jesse Langseth. I can’t imagine how hard it must be to show up on one of these preliminary shows and establish a presence when one hasn’t had a single hair on one’s head featured in any audition footage. Seriously, I don’t remember her at all from the previous episodes. Her performance of Betty Davis Eyes had plenty of soul, and I particularly like the Joss Stone quality of her voice. Definitely one of the better female performers of the night. (clap, clap… clap).

Everything I like about Kai Kalama is completely erased by his hair. I don’t like hair that isn’t a bad wig but looks like a bad wig anyway. Does that make sense? Let me elaborate: I like wigs that are wigs and I like hair that is hair, and I accept wigs that look like good hair and maybe even hair that looks like a good wig, and I always appreciate bad wigs that are bad for the sake of being bad. But hair that looks like a bad wig or wigs that look like bad hair are UNACCEPTABLE and that is Kai Kalama to me. Such a shame too, because he had a tender back-story involving a sick mother and a life on hold, but he didn’t milk it enough apparently (he should have talked to Gokey), because I didn’t feel anything. Let’s put him in the decent but forgettable pile with the others, shall we?

I have absolutely no opinion about Mishavonna Henson and her performance of Drops of Jupiter. Take that back. I hate that song so she was doomed with me. I do, however, love her name. I may name a future pet after her.

And here comes Adam Lambert. Remember what I said about wigs? Well, that applies here too, but to a lesser degree. It’s bad hair that looks like a bad wig, but not so bad as the one on that other guy. I’m going to stop trying to explain this to you. So except for the hair, he is like sex on that stage, or at least as close to sex as anyone can be when standing within 50 feet of Ryan Seacrest. There was self-indulgence and some over-singing, to be sure, but he was one of maybe three performers who actually proved they could sing, so… I got my Satisfaction, even if he can’t get any.

So who did America choose? Results are after the jump...

The top two were no surprise. Adam electrifies me in a way that I can’t explain, because if I could I think I would be ashamed, so I’ve decided to ignore everything and just look at him in hopes that things will become clear or I’ll pass out or something. And of course Allison made it through, because DUH. The final spot went to Kris Allen and I was a little surprised with that one. I don’t have the voting tallies in front of me (and I really don’t care) but I wouldn’t be shocked to find out that he just barely squeaked ahead of Jesse and Megan, thanks to the almighty force of his cute, which is great and powerful and absolutely correct. I’m going to dub it the Righteous Cute and form a cult, and my followers and I will wear Snuggies and eat only fruit-flavored popsicles until the Chosen Hotness returns.

I'm only a week late with this...

2009-02-28T23:15:00.003-05:00

Alright, let’s talk about the Oscars. This is the first time I’ve watched the entire ceremony in years (or really, ever) so I might as well blog about it.

Obviously, I loved Hugh Jackman. He’s kind of the only reason I watched. I hate that I’m that easy. Luckily, Hugh is more than just a handsome face. He was a charming host, indeed, and I liked the two musical numbers. The musical tribute to Musicals was a smidge under-rehearsed, but I’m always up for a dose of Beyonce, lip-syncing and nipple-slips and all. I LOVED the new format – it made the three-hour program seem to go by much faster. Some people are dogging the way they passed out the acting achievement awards (5 former winners gave a little speech to each nominee), but I thought it was fantastic. It gave each nominee due credit and also gave the award itself a sense of gravitas and distinction. Sometimes the other nominees get ignored, especially if there’s a clear favorite. For example, we all knew Heath Ledger would win for Best Supporting Actor (if he hadn’t, I think the Kodak Theatre would have spontaneously combusted), but I was glad that the other nominees, who didn’t have a prayer, got their asses kissed appropriately before losing.

I wasn’t invested in the awards themselves because I haven’t seen any of the movies, with the exception of The Dark Knight, so I have no comment or argument with how it all turned out. However, I did enjoy watching Sean Penn and Dustin Lance Black shame the gay-haters out there – that’s always fun. And I bought the Slumdog Millionare soundtrack less than five minutes after the ceremony ended, because GOD… I love Bollywood. For your info, if you see me anytime in the next few weeks, there’s a good chance I’ll scream Jai Ho in your face, that’s how much I love that song.

Enough about the awards and junk, let’s talk about the gowns! (after the jump)…

‘Twas a good year for Oscar fashions, my friends. Lots to see and lots to talk about. Unfortunately, though, there weren’t many epic fails to speak of. The world suffered a great loss when Cher stopped attending the Oscars. A great loss, indeed.

The Best:

Anne Hathway in Armani Prive

Anne Hathaway is definitely the winner this year. I love this gown. It’s everything an Oscar gown should be: glamorous, sparkly, and very fitted. I love how the beading swirls around her curves.

Kate Winslet in Atelier Yves Saint Laurent

Kate Winslet was resplendent in this grayish-bluish Yves Saint Laurent gown. I like the asymmetry and the lace. However, I think I would like it more without the asymmetry – strapless or with both straps – because sometimes it is better to just PICK ONE.

Amy Adams in Carolina Herrera

Amy Adams was one of the few actresses in red, and she stood out in a good way. I’m not keen on the swath of fabric pinned to her sternum because I feel like it hides what could have been a very eye-catching bodice. In fact, it almost looks like it IS hiding something. Perhaps she is pregnant, or maybe she had a mishap at dinner. Anyway, the necklace is… random, but she definitely needed something up there to avoid looking boring.

Natalie Portman in Rodarte

The Nataport looked stunning. LOVE the color. And the detailing in front, with the beading and the pleating and the twisting, is interesting without being busy. I’m not sure why she chose to match her lip-stick with the dress, but that’s a small complaint.

Alicia Keys in Armani Prive

Alicia Keys had a good night. I love the color on her and the construction of the bodice is clever and different. Normally, I would balk at the idea of bunching up the fabric around one boob, but in this case it’s flattering and elegant. And the slit is a nice touch because it shows her legs, which brings it on home how great this color is with her skin tone.

Taraji P. Hensen in Robert Cavalli

Girlfriend is wearing the hell out of this Roberto Cavalli gown. It is beautifully made, for one thing, and it fits her like magic. The tiered fabric reminds me of Christian’s and Chris March’s dress from the avant garde challenge of Project Runway: Season 4, which is probably why I like it so much. I will say that the choice of white makes this dress come dangerously close to looking like they wrapped her in toilet paper.

The not great, not bad:

Sarah Jessica Parker in Dior

SJP showed up dressed like a horny ballerina. At least the huge tulle gown is balanced by her massive boobs leaping out of the top of her bodice. Seriously, even I was distracted. I like how Matthew Broderick disappears into the background of this photo – all eyes go straight to the globes. Anyway – it’s a pretty dress. The color is, apparently, barely mint, but it appears almost white in most of the photos I’ve seen. I don’t hate it at all, but it was a challenging dress to pull off, which she proved by almost tripping over it as she came on stage with Daniel Craig.

Miley Cyrus in Zuhair Murad

Mily Cyrus is getting a lot of flack for this dress, but I’m thinking that has more to do with her than the actual gown. I’m actually kind of fascinated; it calls to mind flowers, and the ocean, and Dutch tiles – all at the same time. The worst thing about it is that awful shell-looking thing on her belt. I don’t get that at all.

Angelina Jolie in Elie Saab

Angelina looked gorgeous, as usual, so no one can put her in the ‘worst’ pile. But I can call her out for wearing another boring black dress. What saves it for me are the green earrings. Great choice, for sure.

Heidi Klum in Roland Mouret

Heidi’s dress is interesting, indeed. I wish I could have been there so I could inspect the area for the safety wires and mirrors. How is this dress staying together? Normally, I don’t like dresses that make me think of origami, but I’ll admit that this is kind of neat.

Just bad:

Tilda Swinton in Lanvin

Tildes is one of the tiniest women in the world and yet she is wearing something that makes her look lumpy. Why? And the colors are so dull. I think I could come around to liking the top, if it wasn’t for that awful skirt.

Sophia Loren in Armani Prive

Sophia Loren’s gown has been around for awhile, showing up on several Red Carpets this season, with limited results. I don’t know if it’s the color, the color in conjunction with her skin, or what, but I think she looks like a giant, beached jellyfish. Those curly things on the bottom remind me of calamari, which doesn’t help.

Jessica Biel in Prada

Jessica Biel’s dress must be ill because it looks like it just threw up. Either that, or its sticking its tongue out at America.

Beyonce Knowles in House of Dereon

Beyonce is wearing a House of Dereon creation that can only be described as an abomination. First of all: that gold pattern looks like a couch made in Boca Raton (in 1978). The seaming widens her and makes her look three times as big as she is. The bottom is so heavy and full that it makes her head look freakishly small. And why is she standing like that? Don’t air out your pits on the Red Carpet!

Lisa Rinna in Gustavo Cadile

Who invited Medusa?

Since I’ve been turned to stone, I’ll stop there. What did ya’ll think? Did I leave anyone out – for good or fug?

5,000 hits = anti-climax...

2009-02-27T23:32:00.002-05:00

At some point in the past month, unnoticed and unheralded, this blog reached its 5000th hit. Ya’ll, I’m not impressed.

I’m such a schizo when it comes to blogging – and not just when it comes to consistently updating. Indeed, I’ve always felt like this blog has some sort of borderline personality disorder. It’s random and unfocused and flaky (what does say about me, I wonder). Calling it a pop-culture blog is very generous, because I actually just blog about what I like with no regard for the stuff I don’t. But I do love the idea of people reading my words. I’m only human. And I really like looking at my stats to see where the hits are coming from (apparently, I have a strong following in Poland *shrugs*). So, I’m kind of half-way interested in exploring ways to increase my traffic.

All of the literature I’ve read about blogging points out that the most successful blogs establish a niche, or at least have a theme of sorts. Mine, on the contrary, follows a fanciful path, in tandem with the strange ebbs and flows of my interests and thoughts. The other thing good blogs do, apparently, is keep it short. Look at Perez Hilton, for example. He draws some graffiti on a picture and writes something bitchy, whereas I state a thesis and expound for pages and pages and pages, like you care. And finally, the popular blogs have original content filled with new information. I prefer to comment on things that are already out there.

*thinks about it* The results of my brooding are after the jump…

I’ve thought about it. Regarding the characteristics of successful blogs: I’m never going to be satisfied posting pithy opinions. I’m a thinking person and I believe opinions are useless if they aren’t backed up. So we can scratch that off. I can, however, try to be more original. Maybe I can try to write a few more editorial posts about what’s happening in the world… or something. What I can certainly do, I guess, is be more topical.

My most popular posts are definitely about TV, especially Reality TV. I’ve gone through so many weird phases with those posts, though. I started out writing full recaps, but that got to be too much. And why would anyone write recaps when there’s Television without Pity? So then I started doing reactions – off the cuff commentary, short and sweet, sometimes focusing on the clothes or whatever, and that’s all fun but I couldn’t help feeling that it was just like all the other garbage littering the interwebs. I’ve even tried recapping by formula, like Rich at FourFour and his ANTM recaps, or the fine young lady at Kroki Refur and her Supernatural recaps. But the idea of all that screen-capping and gif-making makes me tired. I would have to find some sort of unique spin on doing recaps that wouldn’t bore me or make me ill.

If this blog was to reflect my patterns of pop-culture consumption in any accurate way, it would be about music. Pop music is my first and true love. And I suppose I could do better about posting videos and news about my fav artists. But I’ll never be Arjanwrites or Stereogum. Why would people settle for me?

I’ve toyed with the idea of writing reviews for movies and books, but I don’t read enough or see enough movies to keep an active blog. And honestly, most of the time I don’t have very strong opinions about them, which would be boring for you.

No one wants to hear about work, so that’s out of the question. And I’m poor, so I don’t really do anything exciting or go anywhere exotic. Booooooring.

And then there’s the menzzz. It’s fun to post pictures of gorgeous guys, but I fancy myself a little more sophisticated. I don’t want to have an eye-candy blog; that’s just too easy.

I guess the real question is what I want the purpose of this blog to be. I think some bloggers are doing it for the money. Hits can generate some serious cash-flow, if one advertises correctly and the content is good. Making a buck, though, takes a lot of work. Basically, it’s a full-time job. I’m not sure I’ll ever be interested in blogging full-time – it seems pretty risky and I like having a day job. Another purpose could be keeping up with friends and possibly making new ones. I’m very grateful to the people who have found this blog and comment regularly, because it makes the experience rewarding and fun. But when a blog becomes too personal, it can become exclusive, which is not the direction for which I’m aiming. And really, if I wanted it to be super-personal, I’d write in a journal.

I suppose there’s always the possibility that I’m on the right track, as long as I start posting more regularly. Should I try to focus the blog more, or is it fine the way it is? Thoughts? Concerns? Funny stories?

Premeditating Dancing with the Stars(?) Season 8

2009-02-19T23:42:00.003-05:00

Here we are again – a new season of Dancing with Stars. What kind of shenanigans have the casting people been up to since picking Cloris Leachman?

Here’s the short list:

Belinda Carlisle – former Go-Go
David Alan Grier – comedian specializing in racial (and mostly not funny) humor
Jewel – Prolific singer-songwriter and terrible poet
Shawn Johnson – extremely flexible pixie
Lil Kim – Ex-con and rap star, enjoys showing up in public wearing bedazzled pasties (once fondled by Diana Ross)
Gilles Marini – his penis starred in the Sex and the City movie
Ty Murray – married to Jewel and works in something called Rodeo
Steve-O – Jackass famous for playing a Jackass on a show called Jackass
Nancy O’Dell – holds a microphone for a living
Denise Richardson – used to be married to Charlie Sheen, now stars in a reality tv show about how she used to be married to Charlie Sheen
Lawrence Taylor – this year’s guy who used to play football and was apparently very good at it
Chuck Wicks – sings country and dates Julianne Hough
Steve Wozniak – rich, smart, and besties with Kathy Griffin

The twist this year seems to be pre-established relationships between contestants and partners, which might make it more excited, but will more likely piss me off because of the havoc it will wreak upon the voting. Jewel is married to Ty. Maksim is engaged to Karina (gag!), and Julianne is practically engaged to her partner Chuck. I swear to God, if he proposes to her at any point during a live telecast I will stop watching this show forever.

Anyway – let’s go through them one by one, paying special attention to their chances in the competition, their professional partners, and whether or not they qualify as a star (answer: nope).

Ah Belinda Carlisle… it’s OK that she looks a little stretched out in the face. We lived through Pricilla Presley, so this is nothing. I’m excited to see how she does; I mean, we know she’s got the beat (yuck, yuck) so I think she’ll be proficient at least. And unless she’s found religion or something, I know she has spunk and sass and sexy, so the Latin dances won’t intimidate her like they have so many of the other women on this show. She is paired with Jonathan Roberts, whose best partner so far has been Marie Osmond. That is, until he let her totally trump his authority by forcing him to choreograph some sort of puppetmaster/toyland danse macabre in the finals, from which I may never recover.

I don’t think David Alan Grier has been funny since In Living Color, which isn’t any indication of his dancing abilities, but it might be an indication of how unexcited I am to see him on my television screen. The bright side, I suppose, is he is paired with Kym Johnson, who remains one of my favorite professionals. Kym has come sooo close to winning a trophy, not once but twice, so I find myself in the awkward position of pulling for David Alan Grier. And I don’t think I like it.

The only Jewel album I own is that pop album she released back in ’03 (I think), which was a critical and commercial bomb. I, however, loved it, especially the first single and razorblade commercial, Intuition. But back to the topic at hand, I’ve always liked her, despite her tendency to speak in dizzy metaphors and disconnected parallelisms. Her partner is Dmitry Chaplin, the first of three So You Think You Can Dance alums. I didn’t watch his season of SYTYCD, but I’ve seen the videos, and ya’ll… he is HOT. This could get awkward, because this boy is capable of some seriously fiery chemistry with his partners and psssttt… her husband is standing right there.

Ty Murray, who is famous because he’s married to Jewel, which is as good a reason to be called a star as any, especially when we’re talking about this show, competes in the rodeo. I suppose I should probably steel myself for waltzes and tangos set to songs about boots and tractors and dead children. How many performances will it take before he takes off his Stetson? Well… we’ll probably never know -- $10 he’s the first to go. Oh wait, I take that back. Show won’t let that happen, not after all the trouble they went to casting a real married couple. He’ll be dancing with Chelsie Hightower, our Mormon vixen from the last season of SYTYCD. I love her and everything, but seeing her dance without Mark will make me emotional, and not in the good way.

Awwww… it’s Shawn Johnson! Despite being two years younger than Cody Linley (the youngest contestant ever, until now), I predict she’ll show more poise and grace than most of the women with whom she is competing. And maybe we’ll get to hear Bela Karoly yell at her during rehearsals (how awesome would that be!?). She is paired with Mark Ballas, which makes me ECSTATIC because I’m pretty sure Shawn will do well, which means weeks and weeks of Mark Ballas on my screen. The only thing that disappoints me: Mark won’t be able to sex up the dances as much as he (and I) would like, because that would be kind of statutory.

Apparently this show doesn’t do a background check because here is Li’l Kim. Perhaps Show isn’t concerned about her rap-sheet because she wasn’t incarcerated for a violent crime (perjury and conspiracy ain’t no big thang). Personally, I love her. She’s outrageous and unpredictable, or at least that’s what her wardrobe choices would indicate. In the most bizarre and incongruous pairing since peanut butter and cheese, Li’l Kim will dance with Derek Hough, who is as whitebread as they come. I’m thinking they’ll get along just fine, but wow… I didn’t see that one coming at all.

Gilles Marini, better known as Dante in the Sex and the City movie, is this year’s completely unknown/kind-of-famous-but-only-for-one-thing (and we all know what that thing is…) Latin hunk, following in a long line of gorgeous and successful studs like Christian de la Fuente, Helio Castoneves, and of course, Mario Lopez. I don’t think I’ve ever heard him speak, other than his two lines in the movie, so I don’t know what to expect from him at all. Not that it matters – have you seen him? His partner is Cheryl Burke, and I think I like her less and less every year. Not really sure why.

Steve-O? Really? The thing is: this show is an amazing form of career rehabilitation. So many of the contestants have used this show as a platform from which to make a comeback, and it pisses me off that someone out there thinks Steve-O deserves such an opportunity. I mean, he is absolutely insane. Why would this show invest in a guy who likes to staple his balls together? It isn’t like he’ll be allowed to do any of that stuff on live TV, and frankly, I don’t think he has anything else to offer. You see, people like Steve-O do outrageous things, like pissing on reporters on the red carpet, or showing up for a talkshow completely blitzed and breaking furniture, because they didn’t get enough love and attention as a child, or something. They MUST be the center of attention. People like Steve-O, who are devoid of intelligence and personality, find that the only way to attract the amount of attention they crave is to commit gross acts of self-destruction and humiliation, which they claim they enjoy doing because it makes people laugh. Yeah, we’re laughing, but not because it’s funny. We’re laughing because it’s so pathetic, we’re not really sure what else to do. When Jackass was on the air, I remember asking myself why any sane person would do stunts like the ones they did. Some of them, I think, were after fame. Some were just stupid. And still others were just weak and found themselves being pressured into doing things because it would make them cool in the eyes of their bros. A few of the guys were even kind of endearing because they seemed to realize how amazingly stupid it all was, even as they let the camera film them eating feces. Steve-O, however… seemed different. There was something about him that was out of control… kind of unhinged. I understand that he has a high pain threshold, and that’s great, but a lot of the things he did weren’t even funny, so all he was really doing was tearing up his body for no reason. I’m saying: the boy ain’t right. And poor Lacey Schwimmer is going to have to deal with him. Oh, Girl… from a high-class Gay to a probably high masochist. My condolences.

I don’t watch those pre-primetime entertainment shows, so the only thing I know about Nancy O’Dell is that she helped Wendy Pepper make it to the finals of Project Runway, thus putting her on my shit list for life. She’s pretty, though. She is paired with Tony Dovalani, who hasn’t gotten close to winning this show in a really long time. I’m starting to think he’s bad luck. And why do they always stick him with the older ladies (not that Nancy O’Dell is all that old, but compared to everyone else…)? Is he some sort of expert in old lady dancing or something? What, was Mark Ballas’s dad not available?

I don’t like Denise Richardson. I don’t think you like Denise Richardson. But apparently, some strange sub-set of some demographic does… how else do you explain her reality show getting renewed for a second season? I saw Wild Things (didn’t care for it) and that’s about as far as my knowledge of her goes, other than her bitter divorce and custody battle with Charlie Sheen, for which I couldn’t care less. So here again, I find myself forced to pull for someone I don’t really like. Why? MAXSIM! The good news is I think she’s perfectly capable of making it far. She’s got an athletic build and they look great together. The people online seem concerned about her ability to focus and keep up with everything, but Maxsim has a way of bringing out the best in his partners, usually by making them cry. God, I love him. (Damn you, Karina Smirnoff!!)

Lawrence Taylor is the new former football player who will most likely make it to the finals unless he is just completely uncoordinated and/or mentally slow. As usual, I have no idea who he is. He’ll be dancing with Edyta – and girlfriend, if this isn’t your year I think you should probably just give up.

Chuck Wicks is some sort of country artist, although I certainly haven’t heard of him. Of course, that’s not even the point. He is dating Julianne Hough, who also happens to be his partner. Geez, Show: talk about stacking the deck. What the hell? For that, I will NOT be pulling for this couple, even though I just adore Julianne. I’m sorry – I cannot support outright favoritism from the producers.

And finally, that big teddy bear of a man, Steve Wozniak, who is probably the cutest, most adorable, most socially awkward man in the entire world. I’m still not over his break-up with Kathy Griffin (Ok, it wasn’t so much a break-up as much as a never-happened, but still…). He won’t last long in this competition, I don’t think. I can’t imagine that he has any kind of grace or panache, even if he has a spitfire like Karina helping him out. A part of me think these two will clash – Karina can be very impatient and Steve is going to need a lot of TLC. But then again, he is so sweet, perhaps Karina will warm to him and be less of a bitch. We’ll see.

Ok, so. Obviously I have to pull for Shawn Johnson and Mark Ballas. That’s the easy choice and I’m all about convenience. But I’m looking out hard for Max/Denise and Jewel/Dmitry. And of course, Steve (but not Karina).

MVD 2-19-09 The Bird and the Bee / Love Letter to Japan

2009-02-19T21:25:00.002-05:00

How dumb is it that I’m calling this a Music Video of the Day when I haven’t posted an MVD since last June? That’ll learn me to start things I have no intention of finishing.

Anyway – I’m obsessed with this song. It’s off The Bird and the Bee’s second album, entitled Ray Guns Are Not Just the Future. If you haven’t heard of The Bird and the Bee, it’s a pair of indie pop artists named Greg Kurstin and Inara George. Inara is the vocalist and her stylings are breathy and seductive and sweet, qualities which are very appropriate for the retro, throwback vibe they’re going for, but also ironic and satirical when she sings songs with lyrics like, “Would you be my f*cking boyfriend?”

Most of their stuff is a kind of mélange of retro styles (lounge, psychedelia, folk, jazz) infused with electro-pop and dance. In other words: heaven. Today’s selection, however, falls into the pure pop category.

I’ve been humming and singing and caterwauling the chorus around the office for the past week or so, and my co-workers are none too pleased. I think they’re having flashbacks of the Womanizer era, a time when not even the hounds of hell could stop me from constantly chanting the chorus of Britney’s first single from Circus. After a brief, yet exhaustive meeting (we meet about everything, don’t you know?), they decided that although this new phase was annoying, it was infinitely better than before, because at least this song has a few more words besides ‘womanizer’ and ‘oh, oh, oh’. While they credit me for my personal growth, I was warned that this junk would most definitely be coming up on my evaluations. I wonder: is it illegal to discriminate against one’s pop music preferences?

… Reacts to the American Idol Top 36 Group A

2009-02-18T23:20:00.002-05:00

Just so you know, I’m typing this about one hour before watching the results so my commentary isn’t colored by the outcome. It’s more honest that way, no?

Aside: this is Kara Diogaurdi's first live show. How are we feeling about her? I think I like her. She's a little bit of lucidity sitting between two lumps of dumbass. By that I mean, she compensates for Randy and Paula without preventing us from enjoying their altogether pointless, but occasionally entertaining, presence. Well played, show... well played. /Aside.

A blanket comment about the six girls who performed: they all sucked. If I had my way, not a single one of them would move on to the Top 12. The worst offender was definitely Stevie Wright, who had the worst performance I’ve ever seen on live television. Poor dear, bless her heart, I truly felt sorry for her, which is something I try very hard never to do, especially when it concerns a contestant on Reality TV. She was nervous and scared and totally in over her head, and the arrangement and key she chose didn’t do her any favors, either. She seems like a great girl, so I hope she can move on from this without taking it too much to heart. The others were forgettable and bad; Casey, Anne Marie, and Jackie gave us weak vocals paired with awkward stage presences (Jackie also decided to wear her crazypants, which… unhelpful). Their performances were so awkward, in fact, that I was unable to sit through any of them without my finger poised over the mute button, which I pressed every time I could no longer handle the horror (often). Tatiana, meanwhile, gave a decent performance of a song I just adore, but, just like everyone else in the world, I couldn’t get her behavior during Hollywood week out of my mental periphery. Thus, she is doomed, despite of all her efforts to corral her crazy. I think Alexis is the sure-fire choice for the Top 12, even though I wasn’t particularly enthused with her Aretha Franklin tribute. She was certainly the best of the worst, though.

The men, thank GOD, were a different story. I didn’t like Stephen Fowler’s Michael Jackson cover. However, I heard enough to recognize his potential. His failure was his song choice, which is unfortunate, but hey… that’s life. Brent Keith is certainly easy on the eyes, and I applaud his (attempted) strategy of singing something sincere and true to the artist he wants to be, but his nerves got the best of him. Michael Sarver is a personal fav of mine from the auditions and Hollywood, but I can’t say I enjoyed his very karaoke version of Gavin Degraw’s I Don’t Wanna Be. Having said all that, all of those guys were better than every girl, in my humble opinion.

Ricky Braddy was a revelation and I can’t understand why the show would throw him to the wolves like they did. As good as he is, we had never really seen him until last night, so he’s cannon fodder. I can’t help but feel like the show sabotaged an amazing singer. A singer they didn’t sabotage is Anoop, who I’m totally in love with, you guys. I loved his song choice – it was unexpected but welcome – and he interpreted it very well. Anoop would be the obvious choice for the Top 12 if it wasn’t for Danny Gokey.

Ya’ll, I have beef with this guy (do not yell at me, please). I can’t deny that he is talented, but I can’t get over how much Show is manipulating me into liking him. I mean, talk about favoritism. He has been given the pimp treatment from the very first time he said ‘dead wife’. I wish this show wasn’t so desperately transparent about where it would like us to park our emotional RVs. Like, why does his sad story make him more likeable (and more deserving of screen time and positive edits) then any other contestant? Of course, I’m sorry that his wife died… that is, well… it’s awful. But I’m not sure I can appreciate using that terrible circumstance as his hook. I realize that Show might be more guilty of exploiting his wife’s death than he, because I don’t think anyone would consciously do it, but I… I don’t know… it makes me squirm. And then he decides to sing Hero and dedicates it to all the people going through hard stuff (which is everyone, true, but he’s really referring to himself), and I’m like, I GET IT! I KNOW! You’re a GOD DAMN INSPIRATION! You’ve been through HELL but now you’re RISING ABOVE and don’t we all WISH we were as CAPABLE of surviving CRIPPLING GRIEF with that kind of GRACE??!

What I’m asking: would America like him AT ALL if he didn’t have his sob story? True, he has a great voice and he’s cute and his bromance with Jamar was ingratiating, but really… would he be any kind of front-runner if the show hadn’t decided to constantly mention the untimely passing of his spouse (over and over and over) at the expense of all the other contestants, who may or may not have lost loved ones recently, but perhaps decided not to cry about it in front of a camera? Does it make you like him any LESS if you let it sink in that he might be using his wife’s death as a way to connect with the voting public, ie the entity that controls his fate on a gameshow? Does it make you at all uncomfortable that the odds are you wouldn’t even know his name if he hadn’t decided to talk about his dead wife the very first chance he got, regardless of his intentions? Without the fortunate ingredient of pity added to his storyline, would we give a crap about him at all?

My answer is yes, of course I would. He’s obviously a good person and the boy can sing. I loved (LOVED) his performance of Hero – after all, it was one of the few performances off the night that didn’t make me wince or choke or any other kind off unpleasant, involuntary muscle spasm - and I’m completely on board with America if America so chooses to put him in the Top 12. The truth is, I’m not a heartless bitch – and I don’t think he would ever exploit his situation for personal gain. But I do think he is using American Idol as some sort of platform, whether it’s building awareness about the disease that took his wife, or simply giving people hope or whatever… but that is not, I mean, really not, why I watch this show. Call me cynical, but I like my reality t.v. trashy and unwholesome and fame-whorey… you know, the way things used to be...

So: there’s no way Danny Gokey won’t claim the first spot in the Top 12, and I'm sure he will be followed by Alexis (by default). Since they are going to make me choose, I want Anoop to grab Spot No.3, while also reserving a Wildcard Spot for Ricky Braddy.

Woot! I finished just in time for the results show!...

… Reacts to the Results of American Idol Top 36 Group A after the jump...

2 out of 3… not bad, not bad. I winced just a little bit when Michael Sarver beat out Anoop, but I’m not unhappy. Michael is incredibly sexy – totally my type – and I think he’ll be great in the competition, IF (note, big if) he can pick the right songs.

I’m crossing my fingers Anoop can sneak in with a Wildcard.

Oh, and how disappointing that Tatiana mostly kept it together as the ax came down. HOW DARE SHE RETAIN HER DIGNITY! Is it weird that I think I’m going to miss her?

Adieu, crazy lady, adieu… your insanity is matched only by your entertainment value.

It’s time to play catch-up…

2009-02-16T22:30:00.004-05:00

You Guuuuuuuuyyyyysssss….

I can’t believe I haven’t posted since Aretha totally stole Obama’s thunder at the inauguration, although her beautiful mug (and that glorious piece of madhattery) isn’t the worst thing that has stalled at the top of this humble blog in its history. Indeed, this particular hiatus was entirely unintentional. Well… maybe it was a teensy bit intentional, but only because I’m a damn sloth. It used to be I had hours upon hours everyday to plan, meditate and write for this blog, but you see… times have changed.

My new job is fantastic. For the first time since I’ve worked for my company, I’m actually busy. Like, balls to the wall from clock in to clock out. I have even found myself, and dare I say it?, totally STRESSED OUT! I come home at night completely wiped, with just enough energy to cook dinner and check my email. After that, it’s only a matter of time before I lose consciousness, and I usually fill that little bit of time with mindless television or listening to a new playlist on my iPod. Oh, I’ve tried to write some things, but after a couple of sentences, my prose descends into madness, and if that’s the kind of stuff you like, you might as well just read something like this.

What a terrible time to be braindead! So much has happened in the culture of pop…

1. The Feasts of Fug that are the Grammies and the Golden Globes came and went…

2. Speaking of the Grammies, Jennifer Hudson totally makes me cry… like, every time I see her, I’m reduced to a quivering, slobbering mess…

3. Christian Bale went off on some poor lighting techie and got parodied more than the Single Ladies video…

4. I still haven’t seen any of the big contenders for this year’s Academy Awards (except for Dark Knight), but I still plan on watching the ceremony because of HUGH JACKMAN…

5. I did, however, see New in Town, which was kind of horrible (better luck next time, Harry Connick, Jr.) …

6. Kelly Clarkson’s new single came out and I, predictably, couldn’t love it more if it was wrapped in bacon and served on a Krispy Kreme…

7. In other music news, there is no news. We’re in the dead time between the holiday blitz and summer singles, and the only bright spot is, yep, Kelly Clarkson (album releases March 10 [write that down])…

8. We're ankle-deep into the best season of Supernatural EVER!! Are you watching? Well, why the hell not!?

9. American Idol has finally slogged through the audition rounds and the Top 36 duke it out for spots in the Top 12, starting this week. Personally, I’m on Team Anoop…

10. The new cast of Dancing with the Stars has been announced and I think I actually miss Cloris Leachman (and I can’t believe I just said that)…

11. The Amazing Race 14 and Survivor 18: Tocantins (toe-can-sheens) (alt. token-cheese) (alt. toucan-jeans) are up and running, the former looking mighty entertaining and the latter looking zzzzzzz…

12. And Chris Brown totally beat the crap out of Rihanna and the rumors are flying -- kind of like his fists! Was it a STD? A love triangle? Was Chris passing bad checks? Did Rihanna forget the safeword?

In personal news…

1. I just shelled out a nice wad of cash to join a gym, which is great news for my health and well-being, but very bad news for this blog…

2. I, along with some friends at work, have started a bookclub, which is something I’ve always wanted to do. We picked The Memory of Running as our first selection…

3. Happy Belated Birthday to Li’l Sis, who turned 22 (red velvet cupcakes, mmmm…) and Happy Belated Birthday to Niecikins, who turned 0.5. I heard she celebrated by attempting to crawl for the first time, although she only managed to scoot backwards a little bit. THEY GROW UP SO FAST!! I guess this means I should probably get cracking on that baby blanket I promised to have done by the time she turns 1.

4. The weather is turning warmer and that always brightens me up. I’m even more pleased that I managed to get through most of the winter without getting sick. Big hugs to all of you suffering out there; I’ve heard this year’s flu strains are particular menacing. Here’s a virtual bowl of chicken soup.

I’m crossing my fingers that I feel inspired to start posting again consistently, even if it’s just to comment on the reality T.V. shenanigans. But if I don’t, you can always yell at me by email… reevadubois@gmail.com

Hail to the Hat...

2009-01-20T21:22:00.002-05:00

I don't remember voting for it, but now that it's out there...

Judging on the web traffic, you would think Aretha's hat took the oath of office today. I think Obama should give that bow a cabinet position, don't you? Maybe Secretary of Sparkle?

Seriously though, I loved the President's speech. I can't remember the last time I was able to listen to an entire political speech without getting apoplectic with rage. Even when Bush said things I agreed with (which happened more often than I would ever admit in public), his delivery and voice and mannerisms seemed so patronizing and arrogant to me that I couldn't get through more than a couple of minutes. Today, however, I listened; I absorbed; I feel like I may have learned something. I don't have any delusions that President Obama will be any more successful managing the current crises than his predecessor, but I most certainly appreciate his ability to create an atmosphere of hope and change. He seems to have inspired the country to be more positive, more pro-active, more open... and really, that's what he will need to make the changes that we so desperately need.

Good luck, Mr. President. I, for one, am completely in your corner.

And Aretha, dear lady... you are CRAZY and so was your inauguration day bonnet. Keep up the good work.

Oh, Hai! Sandra Bullock…

2009-01-19T20:49:00.001-05:00

I don’t know if I’m just out of the loop or what, but I can’t remember the last time there were so many romantic comedies about to come out. Not only are there lots, but our favorite leading ladies are getting back into the action, as well. Maybe it’s the economy, or the war(s), or even just the weather, but nothing entices Hollywood to make light, feel-good, tooth-rotting, sickeningly sweet, romantic-comedy fare like a nation teetering on the brink of IMPENDING DOOM!!

When I think of modern Romantic Comedies, I think of actresses. The men in these movies are props, after all. I think of Meg Ryan, Drew Barrymore, JLo, Renee Zellweger, and of course, Sandra Bullock, or as I refer to her, Sandy B. Many other actresses have made some great turns as romantic leads, but these are the five that I think define the genre. (Runners-up would probably include Kate Hudson, Reese Witherspoon, Julia Stiles, and Cameron Diaz, and if we were giving out Honorable Mentions, I would have to include Debra Messing for The Wedding Date, and that chick from The Cutting Edge).

I can’t explain why I love these movies so much, especially those from Sandy B.’s portfolio, because, for the most part, they are TERRIBLE! But they are also endearing, and funny, and damn it all, they’re entertaining.

Sandy B. has been absent from the Rom-Com racket for quite some time, probably in an attempt to salvage her reputation as a serious actress, for which I cannot spite her. Her last appearance in a rom-com was opposite Hugh Grant in Two Weeks Notice in 2002 (TOTAL FAVORITE!). Since then, she has mostly dabbled in dramas and suspense thrillers, which all did OK, but I don’t think any of them could be called breakthroughs.

Aside: if you’re following along with me in her IMDB profile, you may notice a certain movie filmed between Two Weeks Notice and the present day entitled Miss Congeniality 2: Armed and Fabulous, and you may also argue that this film could be classified as a romantic comedy, and you would be totally right. However, I think it practical and prudent to pretend that that movie NEVER HAPPENED because it is an ABOMINATION!

Ahem… fast forward to NOW and Sandy B. has not one, but two, rom-coms slated for release in early 2009, starting with one called All About Steve, which comes out in March.

First things first: I HATE HER HAIR!! But aside from that, this looks really cute. I think Sandy B. is at her best when she’s playing a misfit, and this character looks adequately kooky. The lead guy and the title’s namesake is Bradley Cooper, and other than seeing him pop up in the occasional TV show, I don’t know him all that well. More importantly, though, this trailer reminds me of the great comedic delivery and top-notch physical comedy Sandy B. is capable of when given good material.

Next up, and releasing in June (not that far off if you think about it), is The Proposal.

Ok, how about some pros and cons:

Pro: RYAN REYNOLDS!! That man… gah! It’s very hard to find men who are equally appealing in a suit as they are shirtless, and very helpfully, Hollywood has found one for us. THANK YOU!

Con: Sandy B. plays a female executive who is a bitch. How utterly original.

Pro: I will say Sandy’s hair is much better here.

Con: The premise is kind of out there. In what world would a boss threaten to fire an employee if he/she doesn’t marry him/her so that he/she could weasel out of an immigration issue? I mean, I suppose it could happen, but if I were in Ryan’s place, I’d just call my lawyer and sue for harassment and conspiracy. There’s nothing hard about it.

Pro: Betty Frikkin’ White

So, yes, I’m excited about both of these movies. I was afraid that Sandra Bullock had turned her nose up at romantic comedies, so I’m excited to see her back in her strongest suit. I don’t have a whole lot of hope that either of these movies will be amazing, but Sandy B. has a way of being great even if the material is flat.

Li’l Sis recommends…

2009-01-13T22:15:00.003-05:00

Li’l Sis called to tell me that we MUST see this movie… (Ma’am, yes, Ma’am!)

New In Town

The presence of Harry Connick, Jr. is a definite plus. The only rom-com I can remember him in is Hope Floats, which is an all-time favorite. The Zellweger, on the other hand, is worrisome. I never know whether I like her or not. She’s very hit or miss with me. Chicago was a hit and the Bridget Jones movies are classic. And she was exquisite in Down With Love. Ok, so I pretty much like everything she's in, so I’ve just argued with myself, apparently. Perhaps my wishy-washiness can be chalked up to things like this…

I mean… yikes.

But yes, I’ll see this movie, because Li’l Sis is a terrific movie-mate, and I’ve never said no to a good, old-fashioned, fish-out-of-water, straight-out-of-the-textbook, formulaic romantic comedy. Predictability is a like a salve on the messy warts of existence. Two tickets, please.

Holiday debriefing…

2009-01-11T23:24:00.003-05:00

Since this year’s holiday plans did not include traveling, I decided to make a to-do list of vacation activities, not only to avoid boredom, but to give me crap to blog about. It went like this…

1. Clean apartment from top to bottom

Not a particularly fascinating blog topic, but since we’re here… I did clean from top to bottom (bottom to top) and once I recovered from the headache caused by my very liberal use of bleach in the bathroom, I was quite pleased with the result. It didn’t even take that long. Having my own place has made me much neater, although I’m still prone to clutter (magazines, books, clothes). What I’m not so good at is dusting and organizing. I still think dusting is a waste of precious time, but organizing is always a good thing because it helps me gain control in a world of chaos.

2. See at least one movie in a theatre

Li’l Sis and I took in Twilight (finally!). It was alright. I thought the girl playing Bella did a good job, in that she was just as frustrating on screen as she is in the book. I mean, I don’t pretend to understand the hearts and minds of teenage girls, but would any self-respecting emo, hormonal, impressionable, high school girl act like Bella? Granted, Robert Pattinson is swoon-worthy, but he eats wild animals, sparkles, and doesn’t seem to own a hairbrush. Love is great and all, but not when bodily harm is involved. In other words, JUST BITE HER ALREADY! Anyway, I did like the movie, but only because I’ve decided not to let my dissatisfaction with the conclusion of the series color my appreciation for the first book.

3. Start a new knitting project

I can’t say I succeeded here. I thought about it a lot; I looked through all of my patterns and books, organized my yarn, etc… but I didn’t actually settle on anything. I crave a massive project, but looking at all the barely started, half-finished, sitting in a bag, never to be seen again projects next to my yarn stash gave me pause. I should probably finish some of those before starting something else, but I couldn’t find the motivation. Therefore, this holiday activity will have to rollover.

4. Listen to all the CDs I’ve purchased this year

So THAT’S where all my money goes! I have a terrible habit of buying music and then not listening to it, which is just CRAZY, considering how much I’ve spent. I managed to plug through everything between lots of walks and mindless internet-browsing, and I was very proud of myself when I was finished. However, since I listened to almost 50 albums (I know, it’s ridiculous) practically back-to-back, I don’t remember any of it. Perhaps it wasn’t really worth it?

5. Read the entire Harry Potter series

I’ve actually been meaning to do this for quite some time. I was so exhausted after the build-up, release, and manic speed-read through the final book two summers ago (god, has it been that long?), that I figured I needed a break. And since movie 6 comes out this summer, it seemed like I was ripe for a review. I’ve read the first four books more times than I care to admit (actually, I can’t admit anything because I’ve lost count), but prior to this holiday Potter-blitz, I’d only read the last three books one time each. I know, I’m a bad Potter-fan. I thought this would be an easy thing, but I underestimated how long and involved these books are. I have just now finished reading all seven, and it is one week past Christmas vacation. I’m really quite tired.

Since this was my first complete read-through of all seven books, I was able to take in the entire scope of the series. It really is an amazing feat of literature. Some of the best fantasy fiction being written today is absolute GARBAGE compared to Harry Potter. Often times, these huge, sprawling epics are littered with unworthy installments. Even The Lord of the Rings has been criticized for the plodding and drama-leaking second book (The Two Towers), and that’s frikkin’ JRR Tolkien, for god’s sake. But all seven books in Rowling’s series are gems; perfect within themselves, and yet perfect parts to the whole, too. One of my main goals after this re-read was to be able to confirm which one of the seven is my favorite. It’s still The Prisoner of Azkaban, but now that I see how they all fit together, The Half-Blood Prince almost caused an upset.

I love PoA because of the seamless blend of magic, mystery, and action. While the first two books are genius, I feel like the darker tone and thrilling twists of this third novel make it the one in which the series begins to take off. But H-BP is really amazing, too. I didn’t fully appreciate it the first time through (all those years ago), but it really is a masterpiece. Such a fitting prelude to the final book…

Finally, I’m glad I did this because now I can say I actually like the last book. I won’t lie… when I first read it, I was a tad disappointed. I suppose I thought it would end differently (too many nights spent on fan-sites soaking in all those theories about how the series would end kind of backfired), and I found so much of it to be frustrating (why are we still camping!? DO SOMETHING!). I’ll also admit that I was incredibly confused at the end when I read it the first time, which probably informed my bad attitude about it. This time, I followed the twists and turns much better, so it was fascinating rather than tedious. But let’s be real: all those horcruxes and all those hallows – that’s a lot to keep up with. No wonder I was lost. But now that I understand everything, this book is a tremendously entertaining climax to a tremendously awesome series. I doubt very much that any series will ever be as good, or as universally beloved. That is, unless she plans to do a spin-off. Personally, I think she is. How else do you explain that awful, awful epilogue?

(and don’t get snippy with me. You know that epilogue was bad. Unnecessary, sentimental, pointless… awful)

Oh, and as a sidebar: I also read the recently released Tales of Beedle the Bard. Very cute.

6. And finally… get a root canal

My mouth added this one to the list last-minute. See what had happened was… one of my wisdom teeth had a bad day and decided to end it all by coming down hard on a stale pretzel and breaking in half. OH THE PAIN!! So, yeah, I got a root canal. It wasn’t nearly as bad as I thought. It was almost pleasant. Just kind of sat there for 20 minutes with some dude’s hand in mouth. No biggie.

This cover would suck without Photoshop…

2009-01-08T22:12:00.002-05:00

Behold! The cover of Kelly Clarkson’s new single, slated for release on January 19, 2009.

Note the return to blonde highlights and bright colors and sense of fun and sexy. It appears that Kelly has decided to return to her pop/rock image a la Since You Been Gone, and my reaction is all kinds of THANK GOD!

Don’t misunderstand me. I really liked her previous effort, My December, even though many considered it a failure. That album got caught up in some serious PR drama that prevented it from getting the recognition it deserved. Yeah, it was dark and serious and a tad self-indulgent, but there was also some skillful song-writing and amazing singing. And I just can’t knock someone like Kelly, who won her career on a TV show, for wanting to add a little bit of credibility to her portfolio, even if her sales suffer.

But let’s not kid ourselves, Breakaway was AWESOME, and My December didn’t even come close.

It isn’t exactly safe to assume that her new album, All I Ever Wanted, will be closer to Breakaway than My December, but the cover certainly implies a return to form…

To be honest, I was almost CERTAIN that her next album would be country. I mean, you don’t spend two years with Reba McIntyre without developing a twang. But all the insider gossip alludes to a fun, light, rockety-poppety release and I’m ecstatic. The album drops on March 17 [marks calendar with giant permanent marker].

This is Cam Gigandet...

2009-01-01T16:49:00.003-05:00

He is wearing a skirt. And argyle stockings. And strappy boots. And the piece de resistance: a twee little man-purse.

What do we make of this?

Well, first… I liked Cam in Twilight, even though he only had like five lines. He was adequately smoldering and shirtless during his brief appearances on screen so I say job well done.

But this…

Ok, let’s deconstruct.

First of all, this is an actual kilt. My first reaction when I saw it was to say, OMG he’s wearing a pleated skirt. (I don’t have any kind of problem with men in skirts/dresses/all forms of non-pants; actually, I think it’s kind of awesome, but it has to be done right…the man skirt surfaces every year in one form or the other, but it has yet to really catch on). But what Cam is wearing, I believe, is a Utilikilt. Yeah, I know right? Who even knew? But apparently they exist.

So, Okay, it’s a kilt. Maybe it’s the fact that it falls above the knee, as opposed to below the knee which is wear a kilt would normally fall, that makes Cam look like he’s about to enroll in a particularly progressive Catholic school. I still think it looks like a skirt.

Second, those socks. God I hope they’re socks. They’re either knee-highs (what time does the bell ring, Sister Mary Francis?) or stockings, but because of the kilt, they are dangerously close to looking like tights, which is probably more than I can handle. Then again, tights would be the polite thing to do, especially if he’s wearing the kilt the way nature intended.

The boots are a stroke of genius, though. They add a touch of masculinity to a look that is careening recklessly towards cross-dresser, so I have to give that one to him.

Now, I can totally get behind the man-purse, or murse. I wish the world would just get over it. I hate stuffing all my crap into my pockets! No wonder I’m so attached to my hoodies – I can store my whole universe in the kangaroo pouch. I wouldn’t have to resort to a dumpy looking hoodie if the world would let me carry a purse. As it is, I carry a bag most of the time (my pockets just can’t accommodate my iPod, checkbook, lunchtime reading, camera, etc.), but it’s like a gymbag, for god’s sake. I used to carry a sleek, leather messenger bag, but I got tired of the nasty looks. I got tired of telling people around here that in the big cities, ALL MEN CARRY BAGS LIKE THESE! So, I’m totally on his side on the murse issue.

When you add everything together… it’s a look. I don’t hate it. He’s still hot. But I’m almost positive he dressed like this to stir up the paparazzi.

So, as I approach him to pin this Red Badge of Sartorial Courage upon his chest, I’m also asking him if this was some sort of dare, and if so I hope it was worth it.

Ye Olde Blog Banners…

2009-01-01T08:13:00.001-05:00

I’ve noticed that whenever this blog gets linked somewhere, the linker usually mentions the blog banners. It usually goes something like, “Reeva Dubois is amazing… blah blah blah… astoundingly entertaining… blah blah blah… out of his mind…blah… I like his banner.”

My original intention was to change the banner weekly, and trust me, I have the banners to do it – I’ve made TONS – but I can barely be counted upon to even update weekly, so I let that project go. However, I’ve collected every banner I’ve ever used in a cute little archive, which is now available to you, my dear readers (all 10 of you). Go here…

There aren’t a whole lot. I was actually kind of surprised… it certainly feels like I’ve used more. As you can see, the collection is largely comprised of movie stills with a couple of TV shows thrown in for color. I’ve been itching to branch out into some music and book related banners, hence the Beyonce banner above. I’m particularly happy with that one; not only does it directly address my favorite thing at the moment (yeah, I’m still obsessed with that video), but it worked out brilliantly from an aesthetic standpoint. It looks like Beyonce is totally screaming my name in her hench-single-lady’s face.

I woke up this morning all set to change the banner, you know – start fresh, but I don’t think I’m ready to let Beyonce go just yet. But I’ve cooked up some good ones for down the road. Until such time, are there any requests?

Put your paws up...

2008-12-29T08:42:00.003-05:00

Marley and Me / John Grogan

It’s absolutely impossible for me to be objective about a book like this, so I’m not even going to try.

I LOVED LOVED LOVED THIS BOOK! How’s that for a review?

Shame on me for just now reading it, considering that it’s been out for over three years. I decided to read it after seeing the theatrical trailer for the movie, starring Owen Wilson and Jennifer Aniston…

I will see, own, and watch this movie over and over and over… guaranteed. I don't even care that it stars Owen Wilson and his crazy nose.

If you have even the slightest bit of softness in your heart for our canine companions, then this book is a must-read. Although Grogan sells this book as the story of the world’s worst dog, the sentiments found within are universal for anyone who has loved a dog, no matter how poorly behaved. Marley is a terror… an eater of furniture, a tugger of leashes, a menace to all who share his sidewalk, and yet he’s also one of his family’s greatest joys.

I was surprised at all of the experiences I had in common with Grogan and Marley. My late puppy, Beauregard (rest his soul), could never be called a bad dog, but he got into the same mischief and had the same dog-like problems as Marley, and we loved him despite all of it.

The beauty of owning a dog, or any pet for that matter, is the sense of perspective they provide. Many young people can credit their very mature attitudes about responsibility and empathy to a stint with a family pet, and many adults can view their pets as early crash courses in child-rearing. Even though the stakes aren’t quite so high when raising a dog, it’s easy to see how the experience translates into caring for an infant. Neither a dog nor an infant can say thank you, and yet we, as parents/owners continue cleaning, feeding, teaching, and loving.

The incredible adventure of keeping a living thing alive is at the center of Grogan’s book. The fact that Marley is such a challenging dog only seems to add to the mystery, rather than take away. Why does the author hang on to this bulldozer on four legs? Why does he tolerate the never-ending inconvenience, not to mention the property damage? How does Marley manage to infuriate him and endear himself to him at the same time (it’s a neat trick that all dogs seem to have)? The easy answer is because he loves the stupid animal, and honestly… who wouldn’t?

One thing this book did very well, enough to make me cry buckets, was express the idea that love has a weird way of erasing all the bad things and leaving only the good. No amount of scratched walls or busted windows or piles of poo can eclipse the years of companionship, entertainment, and comfort that Marley provides for the author and his family. Almost of all my memories of Beauregard are warm and fuzzy, and even the ones focused on his misbehavior - like the time he bit me (hard) while I tried to take a box of Cheez-nips away – tend to make me laugh, rather than inspire any negative feeling. To be honest, I’m hard pressed to think of any truly terrible moments. The only one that pops out is a mental image of my poor, victimized mother screaming to the heavens, “THIS IS WHY WE DON’T HAVE NICE THINGS!!!” Ok, that one makes me laugh, too (sorry, mom).

To summarize and conclude: I love dogs. I love this book. The End.

Ho-ho-hum...

2008-12-24T21:37:00.002-05:00

Rather than write some long-winded to-do, I'm just going to post this video of one of my favorite Christmas songs...

It's a little dark, a little sad... it's Christmas.

Merry Christmas to all my readers and friends!

Britney and her Circus…

2008-12-19T23:10:00.003-05:00

First off – why has my traffic dropped off so much lately? Are ya’ll tired of my obsessive posts about Beyonce? Do you find me boring? Is the magic already gone? At first I was depressed, but now I’m just pissed. This stuff is frikkin’ FASCINATING!!

I suppose one of the reasons for the slump in traffic might be my erratic posting… sometimes it’s three times a week, sometimes it’s three times a month. What can I say – maybe I’m manic-depressive when it comes to blogging, which is odd because I’m not moody in real life at all (HA!!).

One should not assume, however, that just because I’m not blogging in any kind of predictable way means that I’m not gorging at the pop-culture buffet. Quite the opposite is true. I’ve been reading and watching movies and listening to good music just as much as ever. I have noticed a steep decline in my TV watching, which I consider a good thing, although I’m not sure how it happened. I stopped watching just about everything – Pushing Daisies, Ugly Betty, Survivor – all of it. Wait… I just realized something. I stopped watching TV altogether when the last Supernatural of the year aired. Apparently, without the Padalecki and the Ackles to lure me in, I have no need for the tube whatsoever. I’m Ok with that.

Aaaaanyway… the business at hand…

Britney Spears / Circus

Let it be known throughout the land that no one was invested in Britney’s comeback more than I, not only because I’ve been a fan since the days of the Mickey Mouse Club (ah, memories), but also because I love a good underdog story. There will never be enough interviews, E! True Hollywood Stories, or MTV documentaries to accurately explain her painfully rapid and epically entertaining spiral into baldness and forced hospitalizations, at least to my satisfaction, but if one assumes she did hit rock bottom sometime around that horrific display at the 2007 VMAs, I think her new album and it’s reception by the critics and the masses is nothing short of miraculous. And I say, well done, Britney. Well. Done.

But let’s be real. She still ain’t all there. And this album ain’t all that great.

I’m willing to concede that my expectations may have been a trifle high. I LOVED Blackout and she was barely conscious when she slapped that album together. Maybe I thought lucidity and sobriety would help Britney get to a whole other level, and while I’m certain that some aspects of her life have improved, this album was kind of disappointment. What I’m saying is that I expected to love this album. I’d even made a spot for it in my Top 10 albums of all time, that’s how sure I was about it. Alas, I was premature, and a perfectly good album that under any normal circumstances I would be raving about, turned out to be just OK for me (and I’m sorry for invoking Randy Jackson there).

Down to the nitty-gritty: I love the singles, Womanizer and Circus. Womanizer and the accompanying Toxie-esque video makes sense as the perfect comeback vehicle; a return to the Britney as Dancing Vixen Bent On Revenge formula. The song, however, is pretty weak… repetitive and dull. Circus is much better, though. The circus metaphor, while a tad predictable (and maybe even a little lame), is mighty appropriate for Ms. Spears, and it gives her every opportunity to shine. And it’s hands-down a better song.

Elsewhere on the album, the high points are few and far between. I really like the first ballad, Out From Under. For one thing, it’s real singing, which I’ve missed from her. That’s not to say her vocals have improved, but I’m all about honesty and legitimacy. And let’s be realz, if we cared about vocals in a serious way, Madonna wouldn’t have a career, but at least Madonna attempts to sing, so I’m happy to see Britney following suit. Secondly, it’s a poignant reminder of what Britney has been through, and I’m not just talking about KFed but ALL OF IT and it’s good that she addresses it. Of course, the song implies that the bad times are behind her now, and… baby steps, BritBrit… baby steps.

Kill the Lights is yet another kiss-off to the paparazzi, and you know… I’m getting confused. Here’s a girl that swears up and down in interviews that the fame and the attention and the pictures and the tabloids really mess with her head. I’d go as far as to say that she blames fame for most of her problems, and yet, here she is again, playing up to the whole idea. It’s like she’s saying, “I really get tired of the whole fame thing, so now I’m going to sing a song about how awesome it is and how awesome I am for being able to live with it.” Maybe I’m reading into it. But whatever, it’s a good song.

The rest of the album is kind of vanilla, except for maybe If You Seek Amy, which is pretty juvenile (very middle school) once you get the joke. And while I really can’t stomach My Baby, a tender ode to her babies, I’ll hand it to her for putting a personal song on the album. I think she needs all the humanizing she can get. All the rest are passable pop fare… the technical term is filler.

So all in all, Circus is a perfectly good album. It’s my fault for expecting something earth-shattering. I think she’ll get some big hits out of it, some of which may join Baby One More Time and Toxic in the Greatest Hits category, but I think time will prove that this album was more about her than the music, which, since it’s Britney, may be the way it’s supposed to be.

The Holiday Procrastination continues…

2008-12-16T23:25:00.001-05:00

…And I still haven’t done any of my shopping. Strangely, I’m fully stocked with wrapping paper, bows, cards, and other packaging materials. All of it is currently sitting idly in my living room, glaring at me. I’ve never seen such angry-looking wrapping paper.

My Christmas tree is up and decorated. And ya’ll… it’s kind of a disaster.

When I went to Target last weekend to buy my fake tree, I pretty much knew this venture would be a lost cause. Apparently, one is supposed to buy the fake Christmas trees the day after Thanksgiving. Since I didn’t get that memo (one memo among several other important memos), I had slim pickings in the fake tree aisle. Ultimately, I selected a 6-foot tree with colored lights.

I should probably mention that I purchased all of my ornaments about a month ago, because I managed to hit a sale at Michael’s entirely by accident. My theme was “No Sex for Christmas,” --- all blue balls and frigid silver and white tinsel all at reasonable prices.

As the lady scanned in my fake tree with multi-colored lights, the tiny gay man with exquisite tastes who resides somewhere in my right-dominated brain began to wring his hands with agitation. I had to assure him as we pulled out of the parking lot that the colored lights wouldn’t interfere with my cold and wintry ornamental motif, and even if it did, this was the only decent tree left in the store and I was absolutely NOT going to Walmart, so don’t even ask.

But honestly, I might have been just a teensy bit worried, too.

When I got home, I put the tree together. It was just as easy as the box implied; although I did have to wrestle some of the branches into position to keep my tree from looking like three hurricane-ravaged beach umbrellas stacked one on top of the other. After putting the tree in place, I tested the lights and I was pleased with the results. The lights, though indeed multi-colored, didn’t seem garish or tacky, mostly because there weren’t as many as I’d feared.

I unplugged the light display and began the decorating process, starting with my cheap silver tinsel. With the tinsel perfectly wound in a tight spiral, it was time for the blue, white, and silver balls. My plan was simple: a healthy amount of large balls strategically placed evenly around the tree, followed by twice as many medium balls to surround them, and finishing with a healthy smattering of small balls to fill in the empty spaces. The end result was breath-taking; a glittering, shiny, absolutely chilling display of wintry spirit, that could be perceived as depressing, if it wasn’t so gosh darn sparkly.

The tiny gay man in my head squeee’d with delight at the classy and elegant holiday concoction before him. It was as if we had just single-handedly saved Christmas.

And then I plugged in the lights.

Cue the trombone… Wah, wah, waaaaaaaahhhhhhhh…

Believe me, I’ve tried to take a photo that captures the fug I have unleashed upon my apartment (and the world), but my camera can’t seem to do it justice. Apparently, this kind of fug is so powerful, it is also elusive. You’ll just have to trust me when I say that the colored lights drown out all the beautiful and poignant things I was trying to do with the ornaments, leaving me with just another tickety-tack fake Christmas tree.

The tiny gay man in my head was INCONSOLABLE.

That was about two weekends ago. Now that I’ve lived with the Holiday Monstrosity (as I’ve begun to call it) for almost two weeks, I’ve almost become attached to it in spite of myself (don’t tell the tiny gay man). I considered going out and buying new ornaments – some red, gold, and green things that may compliment all those dizzying colors better than my blues, whites, and silvers. I also considered buying some strings of white lights to put over the colored ones (which come attached to the tree). But then I thought… how completely out of the spirit could I be? I’ve already spent waaaay too much money on this venture (tree, ornaments, tree-skirt, etc.), how silly would I have to be to rationalize going out and spending even more? I should just be grateful I have a tree at all.

Yes, I may just have to learn to love this tree, in all its fugly glory. Maybe the lights don’t match the ornaments; maybe the colors are so loud and inappropriate they could trigger epilepsy; maybe the tree is listing to the left so much that it could renamed the Leaning Tower of Bethlehem; maybe all of these things.

But it’s still a Christmas tree and it’s still mine. And I love it (I think).

Orcs / Stan Nicholls...

2008-12-09T21:16:00.002-05:00

This trilogy had a lot of potential – a fantasy epic told from the perspective of a race of creatures often maligned in the literature. I usually love this twist on the standard canon (my favorite is probably Wicked by Gregory Maguire), but this one left my very disappointed. It started strong enough, but over about 800 pages, every cliché, every derivative plot element, every undeveloped character started grating on my already impatient nerves.

I’m not saying I could write a better novel, but everything about this book seemed half-assed. By the end, I wanted to forget I had even read it. I don’t spoil endings, but the final 20 pages of this book turned this series from a half-way satisfactory read into a complete waste of time.

The first book is actually quite good. The characters are adequately motivated and the tension is well-paced. I wish I’d stopped there. By the middle of the third novel, I felt like I was reading the narrative attached to a bad platform video game. The action was transparent, predictable, and thus… boring. And seriously, how many times can one read the exact same fight scene?

I don’t make a habit of writing bad reviews, but I was so disappointed in this one that I felt the need to purge the bad energy. I feel better now.

The Padalecki is shirtless… and rippling…

2008-12-08T23:24:00.003-05:00

It took every ounce of willpower to resist typing that subject line in ALL CAPS!!

My reasons for posting a photo of an absolutely RIPPED Padalecki are two-fold. One: the obvious – he’s a favorite of mine and he’s shirtless, which equals obligatory post. Second: Li’l Sis and I were just discussing the Padalecki’s new trend towards Beefy and how that made us feel. I was decidedly thumbs up while she found it rather unsettling.

Indeed, Sam Winchester has been developing rapidly in the chest, back, and guns for several seasons of Supernatural, but it has been hard to gauge just how rapidly due to the show’s cruel tendency to dress him in bulky flannel. We got a little peek in a recent episode when he got down with a demon (mostly back and guns), but not enough to accurately assess just how much gym time he has been getting.

Now, thanks to this candid photo taken on the set of his new movie, Friday the 13th: Part AGAIN? REALLY?, we can tell just how intense those workouts have been.

I’m curious to know what Li’l Sis is thinking now… I’m sorry this post turned out to be an email to Li’l Sis (and to be honest, it kind of started that way), but I didn’t see any reason to be exclusive. The Padalecki is for everyone, after all.

So, what say you, Li’l Sis?

Pic Source: Superherofan.net

All my viral ladies…

2008-12-02T22:03:00.004-05:00

Now put your hands up!

I just knew Beyonce’s single, Single Ladies (Put a Ring On It), was going to be HEE-uge. And GOD I love it when I’m right.

A few short weeks after the video became available, the internet exploded with tributes and imitations, resulting in a frenzy of promotion that culminated in several fantastic live performances of the song on T.V. What Beyonce has figured out, along with Madonna, Lady Gaga, and P!nk, is that in order to actually sell records, the whole package has to be stellar – the very top of their game. Well, Beyonce has surely outdone herself with this single.

Great Song? Check.
Amazing Video? Check.
Brilliant live performances? Check.
Message that connects with her audience? Check.
All of the above perfectly packaged, mass-produced, and reasonably priced? Check, check, and check.

When I first saw the video, which may be my favorite video EVER!!, I remember thinking, “How is she going to recreate this in live performances?” I mean, I practically passed out afterwards, and I was just watching. How would Beyonce pull off singing and dancing this incredible routine?? The answer seems to be, by not singing and dancing. Well, more like, half singing and half dancing. I thought it would disappoint me, but after watching the SNL performance and her show-stopping turn on the American Music Awards, I think I’m totally OK with it.

My favorite part? Oh yes…

Don’t pull too hard, though, lest you pull out your weave, girl.

Beyonce’s ability to shine with this song in a live setting just confirms for me that this song will be a huge phenomenon. I got further proof today when I saw some of my co-worker’s playing around with the choreography in the break room. Get this: these co-workers are a 50 year old black woman, a thirty something white woman, and their assistants (two twenty something black girls). That white woman held her own, and it was obvious that the 50 year old woman not only knew the choreography, but had studied it in depth. For a moment, I didn’t feel weird about how many views I had logged on the video’s YouTube page. Clearly, I’m not the only one.

And yes, of course I joined them!

Indeed, this video/song/dance routine has struck a collective nerve across all ages and backgrounds. But no particular group loves it more than the gays on YouTube. They say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, hence the literally hundreds of videos of gay men strutting their stuff on the internets. Among all of them, I think my favorite is this one…

Applause, applause, applause. ALTHOUGH do put some clothes on, sister, because your man might be hard-pressed to put a ring on it if it’s wrapped in tissue in a zip-loc bag on its way to the ER to be re-attached to a blackened nub. Just sayin’.

Oh, Tannenfug – Oh, Tannenfug…

2008-11-30T23:54:00.002-05:00

Get excited! I purchased my very first Christmas tree this afternoon. It is green, it is festive and shiny. It is also fake (sorry, Li’l Sis).

I haven’t taken it out of the box yet, because I still haven’t decided how to decorate it. And there is still some discussion as to where it will go in my ever-so-small apartment. But trust… once it is up and fully decked with holly, I will post some pictures. The presents that go around it? Well, that’s entirely up to you guys.

As excited as I am about my new Christmas tree, please be assured that I, unlike Madonna, will never wear it to work.

taps edge of wineglass with spoon

2008-11-26T22:38:00.003-05:00

Ahem…

*glares at everyone still running their mouths*

I say, AHEM!!!

I’d like to propose a toast.

Every year at this time, we gather together around a giant bird that’s been yanked, pulled, gored, and otherwise molested until it achieves the most glorious honor of sitting in the center of our table amongst mounds of various traditional side dishes for just a few moments before we rip into it like a pack of voracious, yet well-mannered, hyenas. But before we do, let us all take a moment to reflect on all the things for which we are thankful. I’ll go first.

I’m thankful for so many things, really. Britney Spears, whose new album drops on Dec. 2… the cute, argyle socks I bought at Target… pizza with cheese baked into the crust…

I’m also thankful for my 3-month old niece, who is destined to become the jewel of our bloodline and the savior of all things good and true… for the imminent return of Li’l Sis from across the wide ocean… for my family and friends… for my new job, which at the moment seems secure and exciting and fulfilling… for my health and independence…

But most of all, and I say this with the utmost sincerity, I’m thankful for Hugh Jackman.

May he continue to be hounded by photographers, now and forever.

Cheers! And Happy Thanksgiving!

And speaking of Kristin Chenoweth...

2008-11-21T21:57:00.004-05:00

I found this clip of Kristin singing the role of Cunegonde in Bernstein's Candide. This is from the "Live on Broadway" performance, and it's an amazing show; it's a mega-campified version of the operetta, at least, compared to what I'm used to. Anyway, I think it’s a perfect example of Kristin’s talents. She’s funny. She’s cute. And Dayum… girlfriend can sing. Enjoy!

B.T.Dubs… if you liked that and want to see more, the whole show is available on YouTube, starting here. Hey, if you have two hours to kill, there’s worse ways to spend your time. And if you watched the video, you spotted Patti LuPone, which means watching is obligatory.

Ironically enough…

2008-11-21T21:41:00.005-05:00

One of my favorite shows, Pushing Daisies, is now… pushing daisies. Cheap, easy jokes aside, ABC announced today that they will not order more episodes for the show. While that’s not an official cancellation, it’s as good as such, so I’ll be wearing black tomorrow.

As much as I loved the show, I, along with practically everyone else, knew this was coming. The show, while still most excellent, had lost a little bit of its charm since the first season. We could blame the writers’ strike and the less than ideal timeslot, but I think the show probably did itself in. The whole idea behind the show: a cute, yet emotionally stunted pie-maker with the ability to raise the dead resurrects his murdered childhood sweetheart and they fall in love and make pies and attempt to build a life together despite the challenges of not being to touch and the girl having to stay in seclusion because everyone thinks she’s dead.

That’s a great story, no doubt, but every episode seems to rehash the same conflicts from the very first episode, and frankly, it gets old. The genius of the show, I think, lies in the ability of the writers to continuously introduce new obstacles and conflicts – Chuck’s relationship with her aunts, Olive’s unrequited love for Ned, and Ned’s eccentricities – against a backdrop of weekly adventures of murder/mystery/mayhem. And yet, that genius isn’t translating into viewers. I wonder of this show has fallen victim to the Serial Sickness, the unpredictable and lethal disease that plagues shows with a complicated plot and story-arcs lasting more than a week… A new viewer might find it difficult to jump in the middle, and meanwhile, the old viewers can’t stomach the constant rehashing and recapping. I mean, I’m a big fan, but if I have to hear Ned’s powers explained one more time, I may just tune out, too.

When you consider how bad the ratings have been for the second season, it’s easy to understand why ABC pulled the plug. Although, I wish they would let it finish out the rest of the season. The show won three Emmy’s, for god’s sake…

The good news, I suppose, would be the fanbase. Pushing Daisies has acquired a small but devoted fandom that will always be ready and willing to consume more. So the show might be dead, but the characters and story-lines will probably live on. There’s talk of a comic book, and perhaps even a movie. I would pay to see it, as long as the first 15 minutes aren’t spent explaining Ned’s powers… AGAIN!

All that said, I will miss this show very much… find out what and who I will miss most after the jump…

1. Lee Pace as Ned

Isn’t he a cutie? He’s such a good example of unconventionally attractive, I think. All the staples are there (tall, dark, handsome), but there’s a boyish, gawkish, nerdiness there too, which, when combined, equals swoon.

2. Chi McBride as Emerson Cod

This is just a brilliant character. He’s surly and sarcastic, but his heart is as big as his giant bald head. He also knits (big bonus). Most of the show’s best one-liners are uttered by Mr. McBride and his personal story-line has been particularly moving. I do hope we get to meet his daughter before the curtain goes down.

3. The styling

Much fuss was made about the show’s use of color, scenery, and music when it premiered, and rightly so… the vision and scope of the show are very ambitious. Considering the plot, this show could have gone very dark, but instead, everything is super-bright, super-fuzzy, and super-adorable. The whole production is visually stunning, and I’ll be sad to see that go away.

4. The Aunts

Talk about perfect casting. Swoosie Kurtz as the drunk, one-eyed menace and Ellen Greene as her withdrawn, sentimental sister are revelations on the small screen. If this show had performed better, they could have spun off their own show about synchronized swimming and highballs. Classic!

5. And finally, Kristin Chenoweth

This might be the saddest part of all! I love Kristin so much – it sucks that her first big chance at TV success has fallen away. I hope something else comes her way that is just as magical and perfectly suited to her. Her rendition of Hopelessly Devoted to You was one of the main reasons I fell in love with this show, and I’ll never forget Olive Snook’s adventures in the nunnery.

Oh, HUSH! Of course I love Anna Friel.

I’m not worried about her at all. She’s gorgeous and talented – she’ll find work again very soon.

And since I’ve managed to mention the entire cast, I’d be remiss to leave out Digby.

Dear, sweet, undead dog, Digby: I will miss you most of all.

Gawd, I can't help myself...

2008-11-20T23:19:00.003-05:00

But I must post this picture of Sarah Brightman...

I mean, how much does that outfit even weigh? Not many divas can pull off a stage costume that is so sculptural it's almost an architectural masterpiece. Well, I don't know about masterpiece, but it's something to look at. That's for sure.

... I was going to say more, but I think my eyes need to vomit.

pic via Go Fug Yourself.

My latest purchazzies…

2008-11-18T21:55:00.002-05:00

Wall-E

With the possible exception of Sex and the City, Wall-E is my favorite movie of 2008. It seems fitting that this film was the first movie I ever attended in the theatres solo. It felt like a personal experience. For once, I didn’t have to defend my opinion about it afterwards, which helped me retain my first impression of complete and total adoration.

As far as animated movies go, Disney has always worn the anthropomorphic crown, and this movie adds another jewel. Even though Wall-E communicates only in clicks and whistles, he is a fully-realized three-dimensional character, capable of owning the screen for more than half of the movie by sheer charm and wit. I’d say he is more relatable than most screen actors are, and they have the advantage of being, like… real and stuff. I loved him so much by the end of the film; I wanted to cuddle with him like a stuffed animal, if such a thing wouldn’t result in bruising and smashed-in teeth.

When I watched the movie for the first time, I barely noticed the environmental messages, which seemed to take over the discussion during the movie’s run. Maybe it didn’t take a whole lot of suspension of belief on my part to be convinced that the planet may, at some point in the future, be overrun with garbage… enough garbage to necessitate a full-scale evacuation of the human race. I don’t know – it just doesn’t seem farfetched to me.

Maybe I was just glad that Wall-E was a nice trash-collecting robot after somehow developing sentience. If it were me, I would have been pissed.

Enya, And Winter Came

Umm… WOW!!

Have I said it enough? I love… love… LOVE this lady. I knew in my gut that she would totally own the Holiday genre, and sure enough, this might be my favorite Christmas album of all time (sorry, Mariah).

There are only two traditional Christmas songs on the album: O Come, O Come Emmanuel and Oiche Chiuin (Silent Night). Both are exquisitely arranged in that they are true to the originals but indelibly marked by Enya’s unique sound and aesthetic. I’m particularly enraptured by Oiche Chiuin, which is a deceptively simple chorale arrangement of the hymn. Gaelic is such a beautiful language as it is, but with Enya’s trademark swelling and harmonies, it’s almost other worldly. This is what I want to hear right before I’m welcomed into the Magical Discotech in the Sky.

Also on the album are some attempts at original Christmas carols, including White Is in the Winter Night and One Toy Soldier. The first is all sleighbells, mistletoe, and other holiday references; an upbeat celebration of the sight and sounds of Christmas. One Toy Soldier is a fantastic piece which conjures the warm memories of Christmas morning, complete with brand new toys waiting under the tree. Another stellar track is Last Time By Moonlight, in which two lovers pause during a stroll under the stars and beg one another to remember this moment forever, because no one knows what lies ahead.

Throughout the album, Enya and her lyricist, Roma Ryan, continue to be fascinated by colors, nature scenes, and the seasons of the year. The album feels like a natural progression of all her preceding albums, which seems to corroborate with my theory that Enya is actually writing a massive song-cycle that we won’t really understand until her entire body of work is released. God, I hope I never see that day.

Will and Grace: 8th and final season

I’ve been waiting patiently (or not so patiently, akshully) for the final season of Will and Grace to be released ever since I let it get past me when it originally aired. I think I might have been waiting tables, and there’s yet another reason to be bitter about that.

Most of my favorite memories of college are locked up in this show *winks at Erin*, so rifling my way through these final episodes was a very sentimental experience, to say the least. I can’t begin to explain how much this show informs my own humor and sensibilities, but if I ever have to tell people what I find funny, this show is always the first example.

The last season, unfortunately, is probably the weakest opus in the set. It’s understandable, I suppose. The actors seem bored, the writing is tired, and the jokes just don’t hit like they used to – probably because most of them are the exact same jokes as before. From Season 4 through 6, this show seemed to rely on stunt-casting to keep it fresh, with decent results (there were only a few misfires (Madonna (yeah, I said it))), but by the time Taye Diggs was brought in to play Will’s love interest, it felt desperate… even though I love me some Taye Diggs.

All that said, I thought Season 8, along with the amazing finale, wrapped my favorite show up satisfactorily. That finale was something, wasn’t it? I know a lot of people hate sentiment in finales, especially from characters who don’t normally act sentimentally, but this show always had a chewy, creamy center, so why not let it end sweetly? The finale tried to answer the question that hung over the show since its inception: can a gay man and a straight woman really have a life-long friendship (that isn’t completely unhealthy and destructive to both)? The idea of Will and Grace seems to say, “Yes, it can”, but I think what it’s trying to say is, “Yes, I hope it can.” The obstacles facing a hag and her fag are unique and kind of unexplored in mainstream culture. The show did explore many of these obstacles through its run, and all of them ended well for the most part, which, let’s face it, doesn’t happen in real life. Trust me. The finale presents us with Will and Grace facing the classic killer of relationships such as thiers, which is: despite all their efforts to be everything for the other, neither will ever feel complete without non-platonic love.

In the finale, Will and Grace face this challenge, and for once, they do as they should: they fall apart and lose touch. Such is the life-cycle of a fruit and his fly. Buuuut, since it just can’t end like that, Will and Grace meet up again later in life, because, of all things, their kids meet in college and get married. Yeah, like that would ever happen. But it’s sweet and fantastical and SOBS.

As for me, I do believe a gay man and a straight woman can be life-long friends. That is, as long as both parties are mature and stable and relatively independent. I’m sure those kinds of people exist, although I can’t say I’ve met one. The truth is, and I believe Karen Walker said it best, “Every relationship between a gay man and a straight woman has an expiration date.” I can testify that truer words have never been spoken. Heartbreaking… but true.

What isn’t heartbreaking? My collection, which is now…

... complete.

Please forgive me posting a picture of my Will and Grace collection, of all things. When did I get so nerdy?

Prop 8 and why I’m glad it passed…

2008-11-14T22:13:00.004-05:00

I wrote this post about a week ago after a heartrending two hours worth of videos and commentaries concerning the fallout of the passage of Proposition 8 in California. I hesitated to post it because it doesn’t really fit in with the rest of the blog, and I’m so hell-bent on keeping things light around here. But this is important. I don’t live in a battleground state and I don’t have the time or the money to travel to one of the national protests, so this is just my way of voicing how I feel about this issue. No matter what side of the argument you are on, it is safe to say that these issues – gay rights, same-sex marriage, civil rights – affect us all, and for me personally, these issues affect me daily in intense emotional ways, so you can’t blame me for hopping on my soapbox every now and then.

You might not read the same blogs I do, but I have followed the Prop 8 story from the beginning. Of all places in the country to do it, some Californians were attempting to pass a constitutional amendment banning same-sex marriage, a measure provoked by the state’s Supreme Court ruling which called such a ban unconstitutional six months previously. At first, the proposition was largely ignored; similar initiatives had failed in the past, others had passed but were overturned, and many believed the most liberal state in the union would take no part in discrimination. But with the financial help of the Catholic Church, the Mormons, and other religious organizations/individuals around the country, the proposition began to gather more and more steam. Only when the polls began to show a startling amount of support for the proposition did the opposition fully organize. But it was too late. On Nov. 4, 2008, the same day the country elected its first African-American President, the gay rights movement was flung backwards on its ass. Hard.

The same-sex marriage issue is tricky. It’s a mish-mash of clashes. It’s religion vs. civil rights. It’s tradition vs. progress. It’s church vs. state. This kind of debate divides whole communities of people, from the small family unit all the way up to the national political parties. And with the passing of Prop 8 in California, the argument has finally come to a head.

That’s why I’m glad Prop 8 passed. Don’t get me wrong… I was devastated at first. For the past three election cycles, states have put the question of same-sex marriage on the ballot, all of which resulted in bans. I don’t know the number, but for the most part, same-sex marriage is illegal from sea to shining sea. It wasn’t easy to stomach the first time, and watching the citizens of California do it all over again made me ill.

But the outcome has been more than satisfactory.

In the life-cycle of every civil rights movement, there is a moment of stand-off; the moment when the proverbial wall goes up. I believe the passage of Prop 8 is THE WALL. This moment has been a long time in coming for the GLBT community in America. For so many years, gay people have been inching slowly – from tolerance, to acceptance, to understanding – toward the ultimate goal of full and equal treatment under the law. For too long, gay people have accepted the fact that they are second-class citizens, subjected to the tyranny of a bigoted, uneducated, morally self-righteous majority. For too long, gay people haven’t felt safe enough or strong enough to confront their enemies. Well… no more.

The passage of Prop 8 built a wall, indeed, but it also opened a floodgate. That flood WILL force that wall down, and with it, the injustices that have plagued the gay community for decades.

So here’s this Wall. If you aren’t lucky enough to be gay or a religious fundamentalist, you get to make a choice. You’ve been lucky for the past 20 years or so, because aside from the occasional outburst, the discrimination of gay people has been the status quo. But the time is coming when you will have to stand up and announce which side of the wall you are on. It’s a difficult choice – you’ll have to think about all the gay people you have known and maybe loved. You’ll have to think about the years and years you’ve spent listening to preachers/priests demonize the love that can exist between two men or two women. You’ll have to decide what is more important to you – equality or religion. And once you’ve chosen, will you be willing to accept the consequences?

I have no doubt – NONE – that the fallout of Prop 8 will ultimately lead to the federal legalization of same-sex marriage. It might not be next year or ten years from now, but it’s on its way. The gays around this country are organizing, protesting, reaching out to those who continue to misunderstand our lives and stories, and since I have faith in America and everything she represents, I know we will win. That’s why I’m glad Prop 8 passed – it has given the gay rights movement a solid foundation from which to throw an Almighty Tantrum, and we will NEVER shut up about it.