Good God, is it July already?

I hope everyone had a happy, trauma-free Fourth of July. Li’l Sis and I are still recovering from Sibling Smash 2008 in Washington, D.C. – and I totally plan on recapping all the festivities. Just not right now, for I am tired.

My blogging may be few and far between from now on. I’ve just moved offices (and jobs) and while I wish I could say I will be too busy to blog, the truth is my computer is rather out in the open, so surreptitious So You Think You Can Dance recaps may not be possible (I know you're devastated - try to remain calm).

The short version of everything: last Tuesday, my new boss called me and told me to pack my stuff. I was surprised because I had been told that there was no space for me down in her office, so I would not be physically moving, but my new boss was frantic to get me out of my old place, probably figuring that my old boss would continue to badger me with my old responsibilities. Rather than wait for an office to open up, my new boss decided to plant me in her office suite’s workroom/kitchen. Yeah, I know. I’m trying very hard not to be offended (my pride is a dangerous, fickle thing), and I have to constantly remind myself that this move is part of a much larger master plan to demoralize my old boss and set me up for a grander situation down the road. Buuuuuuttttt, I’m in the kitchen. Right next to the coffee maker. And the supply closet. So on Tuesday and Wednesday, I spent time packing up my desk, throwing out old stuff, dusting, and so on... and in between all that, I had to help my old boss hold her sh*t together. There were tears, but I'm pretty sure she was only crying because she was slowly realizing all the boring, mundane, officey crap she would have to do herself now that I was gone. I wanted to say SUCK IT UP! but I couldn't get a word in over the sobs.

Anyway, the new space is... well, it is what it is, but at least the people are nice.



I feel like I’m slowly turning into that guy from Office Space; the one who couldn’t bear to be parted from his stapler. True story: I totally kept my old stapler. I love it and it is mine. *Aside* If you haven't seen Office Space, then you have no idea what I'm talking about. That's a shame. Go rent it (haste post-post haste)... it may change your life a little bit). *Aside complete*

The past few weeks at work have been so surreal. Anyone who knows me is aware of my paranoid streak, a trait that has served me well in the past, if not made me just a teensy bit misanthropic. On the surface, I sense that all the players involved in my reassignment have the best intentions, for me and for themselves, but I can’t help but feel, simultaneously, a huge cloud of indifference hovering over the entire production. In other words, while they mean no malice, they don’t have my best interests in mind, either. I’m also getting weirded out by all the niceties being thrown my way: assurances that the move is a huge compliment and promises of future pay-offs. My new boss likes to plead for patience and demand my adaptability at the same time. All of these things, taken together, only convince me further that no one, least of all the people in charge, have any clue what is going on or what they are doing. If they are soooo confident in my abilities in regards to the position they have created for me, then why do they insist on tossing me about like a swimming-pool noodle, instead of treating me like a new, valued employee? And if this is all about my old, unpopular boss, why did I get stuck with all the inconvenience and stress of reassignment?

It’s really no wonder that I’ve had a hankering to play chess lately. For once I’d like to a knight or a bishop, instead of lowly pawn.

Le Sigh...

I haven't been feeling very organized lately. Seems like the perfect time for a list...

1. My job negotiations started today. I met with my new supervisor, her supervisor, and HR. It started out bad - they told me I wasn't going to get a raise. Well, CLEARLY they don't even know me. Like, at all. After an hour, I managed to convince them that a raise was not only a good thing, but the right thing. The good news is I'll probably get the raise I've been hoping for. The bad news is they have to start the process all over again to make that happen. I may have to wait up to six months before any salary change takes place. HR fell over themselves promising it wouldn't take that long, but I've been around enough HR people to know that I shouldn't expect anything until, oh... Christmas. Well, a raise is a pretty good present, I suppose. Meanwhile, I need to stay positive and keep my attitude in check and NOT focus on the fact that a lot can happen in six months - a very hard thing for yours truly.

2. I've been knee-deep in Alanis Morisette for the past couple of days. I celebrated her new album by listening to all her others before going to buy it. It was like my own personal Angst-by-Alanis Fest. Her lyrics are soooo amazing, even if they do make me giggle sometimes (I mean, talk about overwraught!). The new album is, as expected, incredibly wonderful. For me, it harkens back to her first two albums, in that it's so intimate and emotional. Alanis is one of my favorite song-writers because the emotions are so raw... she somehow manages to find that perfect emotional clarity... one can't help but relate. In fact, the new album is so deeply personal that I kind of feel uncomfortable at times. She's brave to expose herself through her music like she does. And seriously, if I dated Ryan Reynolds for even a hot minute and he dumped me and got engaged very shortly thereafter, I promise you I wouldn't be writing an album about it. I'd be too busy stalking him (I mean, have you seen him? Maybe I'll stalk him anyway!) and sending hate-poetry to Scarlett Johansson.

3. Have you heard of the Twilight Series by Stephanie Meyer? The receptionist where I work turned me on to them and I really hate to admit it, but I might be obsessed. Why am I embarassed? Well, it's young adult fiction for teenage girls. I don't have anything against young adult fiction (Helloooo... Harry Potter), but the fact that I love these books so much convinces me that I have the sensibilities of a 14 year old girl. I'm two steps away from prank-texting my crush and getting a subscription to Tiger Beat. There's hope for me, though - I'm still not into the Jonas Brothers. Let's hope I stay strong.

4. Let's talk about Garbage. Everyime I think I'm getting the hang of this domestic stuff, life throws me another foul ball, and by foul, I mean FOUL! Li'l Sis and I made fajitas the other night (they were fabulous, btw), and I was really stupid and threw the cooking waste into the garbage and forgot about it. Well, I got home today from work and the smell... Good GOD the smell... It was like an olfactory bitch-slap! I immediately took out the trash, but my apartment still REEKS! I Febreezed and everything, but now it just smells like Febreeze and Trash, which is not a good combo. I opened up my porch to air the place out, but I had to close up after killing the 9th giant bug. The worst part is I think the smell burned the inside of my nose. I smell landfill all the time now, regardless of where I am. Tomorrow I'll be paranoid that the smell is following me.

5. I'm super-pumped about *Wall-E* and am now accepting applications for a movie buddy. Bachelors Degree required. And please have all your teeth. I'll buy the popcorn if you'll drive.

The Update of Life...

I try pretty hard to keep this blog light and frivolous, but every now and then, I suppose some angst is in order. And by “angst” I mean completely irrational overreactions to routine life occurrences that will more than likely turn out for the best.

Part the first: The new apartment

While I haven’t completely given up hope that my bachelor pad will be fabulous and worthy of publication in Martha Stewart Living eventually, I must confess that the first few weeks of my habitation there have been… well, they haven’t been. The timing of everything worked out in such a way that by the time I’d paid the deposit and the first month’s rent, turned on the power, and paid my student loan bills, I had just enough money left over to buy… absolutely nothing. Basically, I’ve been renting for more than two weeks and I have yet to actually “live” there. Yes, I feel guilty about that. And yes, I feel incredibly weak and pathetic. But I really couldn’t stomach the idea of sitting alone in an apartment with no cable, no internet, and no food – just so I could say I live on my own… not when my parents’ house, along with the aforementioned cable, internet, and food, is right across the street. So I’ve been moving very slowly and gradually – a few boxes here, a quick run to Target for the basics there, and the apartment is just now beginning to be habitable. This weekend, the cable will be connected (they got the very last few crumbs in my bank account), my bed will be moved over, and the misery that will be the first few months will commence. I guess I’m just really disappointed… in myself, in life in general, in the rising cost of EVERYTHING… because I was truly excited about this move. Actually, I’ve been excited for over two years. It was anti-climactic, rough, and very little fun. And I’ll cry if I want to.

I had a little meltdown in Target earlier in the week. I was there with my mom and Li’l Sis, trying to pick up the things I would need to survive, and I was overcome with failure and disappointment. Here I am, almost 27 years old, and Mom has to help out with basic living items like toilet paper and trash bags. So much for self-sufficiency. I dealt with these feelings the only way I could… by sulking and whining like a five-year-old, losing all enthusiasm, and basically being an ass. That’s just how I roll. If it wasn’t for my sister’s death-stares and admonishments, there’s a good chance I would have stormed out in a huff with nothing, rendering the apartment vacant for another two weeks. Thanks for the tough love, girl.

Meanwhile, my couch is really ugly and I hate it, and don’t give me any crap about how I should just be grateful that I even have a couch, because you would be right, of course, but that’s not the point – the point is it isn’t the couch I wanted and it’s really UGLY and I hate it, but I took it and it’s sitting in my living room making me sad and miserable, emotions which are compounded exponentially by the fact that I can’t even afford a slipcover to hide the UGLY, so in a way that damn ugly couch is sitting in my living room laughing at me. I’m allowed to hate it and I’m tired of people telling me to stop complaining about it. The good news: I’ve come around to sort of liking the dining room furniture and the coffee table. And the bathroom is going to be really cute when I’m done with it. See? I can be positive when I want to.

Part the second: Occupational shenanigans

The new big boss is finally starting to move on his big restructuring plans for the department. Last Thursday, our team had a meeting, and it was announced that I would be leaving my current position and relocating. Beforehand, in a little one-on-one, the new boss assured me that I would like the new position he had in mind for me. He used phrases like, “great opportunity,” and, “more effective use of your skill-set.” Notice he didn’t use the word “promotion.” It’s all very confusing, but the gist of it seemed to be that I would no longer be the administrative assistant to my supervisor, but I would probably be doing the same sorts of things, just in a new office with a new supervisor. Meanwhile, everyone else in the department was either promoted or left the way they were. I have to be honest… it kind of felt like I’d been voted off the island. Everyone was very happy for the people who got promoted (congratulations were thrown around liberally), but I got a lot of concerned looks and the other assistant even gave me a pouty-face, which was unnerving. After the meeting, I couldn’t stand it, so I asked my supervisor if she thought I had received good news or bad news. And she said she thought it was good, but not very convincingly. Yesterday, I had a meeting with the big boss and the lady who will be my new supervisor, and I left it even more confused about what I’d be doing and for whom I’d be working. My emotions are wavering in an alarming way, too. One minute I’m excited, because some of what I’m hearing sounds perfect for me, and even fun. The next minute I’m angry, because there has been no mention of what will happen to my salary, and I feel weird asking about it. The next minute I’m just plain scared, because the transition will probably be very chaotic, and I could totally see myself doing two jobs for the price of one for a few months, which puts me in a really bad mood. But most of the time, I’m just grumpy. I hate not knowing what’s going on, and I’ve been left in the dark. I can tell my big boss thinks he’s doing me all sorts of favors, but I really resent it when authority figures think they know all about you and what you’re good at and what you’ll be happy doing - but don’t take the time to talk to you about things before they pull the rug out from beneath you and set your world spinning out of control.

The big boss says that this new position is being created FOR ME to take advantage of my skills and abilities, so I guess that’s a good thing, but he hasn’t said a word about perhaps giving me a title, or boosting my salary, or anything of that nature, which makes me think I shouldn’t get my hopes up. But let me tell you, if I don’t get some sort of salary inflation after all of this drama, I will be VERY CRANKY, and I might not be able to hide it. I might be cranky enough to start looking elsewhere, which I really don’t want to do, but crankiness is a huge motivation.

So CLEARLY, I haven’t been in the mood to blog about the latest music videos or the latest reality T.V. scandal or whatever because I’m actually sort of preoccupied with life – and all of it just reminds me why I like music videos and reality T.V. in the first place.

I'm not lazy; I just can't be bothered...

...to write a coherent post in paragraph form today. Instead random tidbits…

1. I ate a lemon poppy seed muffin for lunch, and while it was undeniably delicious, I don’t appreciate finding poppy seeds all over my person for the entire rest of the day.

2. I’m really into Mariah Carey’s new single, Touch My Body even though it might be the silliest, most asinine song she’s ever released. The video is a big part of my irrational love. I LOL every time I watch it.



As an aside, I’m so happy that geek chic is in right now. My favorite manifestation of this trend would be Henry from Ugly Betty. He’s geeky, but the boy can dress.



It’s all a fantasy, though. No geeks I know have washboard abs.



More after the jump!

3. I have this great idea for bookshelves in my new apartment. I’m going to go to the Home Despot and buy decorative cinder blocks, and, along with some stained planks of wood, construct floor to ceiling shelves in the living room.

4. I just realized as I was making a list of cleaning supplies I’ll need for moving day… I’ve never actually purchased a broom. I thought they just appeared out of nowhere, like in the Sorcerer’s Apprentice.



5. Dancing with the Stars premiered last night, and I tried to watch it. Really, I did. But the absence of Maksim made me irritable and difficult to please.



6. I couldn’t sleep last night, so in a moment of sheer insanity, I picked up Oliver Twist, which I hadn’t read in years. I’d forgotten how much I loved Dickens’s writing. Before I knew it, I’d read 80 pages, dooming myself to a miserable morning. Today, besides being tired, I’ve got the musical numbers from Oliver! stuck in my head.

7. Apparently, my boss wants to have a meeting with me about my job and its direction… or lack thereof. It’s probably just her biannual ploy to convince me that there are big plans for me and that I shouldn’t do anything crazy like look for another job. Sometimes she acts like she’s terrified of the idea of losing me, which is flattering, I suppose. But wouldn’t it just be easier to pay me more? I have no principles! I can be bought!

8. I’m sad because Enchanted came out today on DVD, but I don’t have the money to purchazzie. Well, I mean, technically I do, but I shouldn’t, which is somehow worse. I saw Enchanted in the theatres, and it didn’t do all that much for me, but I recognize it for what it is, which is a movie that gets better every time you see it.

9. Speaking of movies, I really want to see Horton Hears a Who and The Other Boleyn Girl and 10,000 BC and Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day and maybe even Semi-Pro. I wish movies were free.

10. It seems odd to leave it at 9. So… um… link How about a funny joke?

Where in the world is Reeva Dubois

I had hoped, dreamed, yearned that the Christmas holidays would provide enough time and distance from this crappy, festering, turd-farm of a workplace, but… alas and alack, my attitude hasn’t improved at all. I’m so bored that I’m getting pissy, and that’s a lot of crazy-talk coming from me, because I’m usually more than happy to be bored and listless. I had all these notions that the office would be busy and productive after the break, which would make the time go by faster (and more bearably {is that a word? Oh, screw it}), but I feel like I’ve been sitting here just like this since December 1st, like the vacation never even happened.

Part of my frustration is that I left all of my posts-in-progress on my computer at home (normally when I work on something at home but don’t finish, I email it to myself at work, rather than lug around thumb drives or disks [not that thumb drives or disks can be lugged, really, since they weigh practically nothing – but it is just another thing to remember in the morning – it’s mental lugging, you see]), but last night I forgot to shoot that email, so I found myself with none of my usual means of appearing busy. I totally meant to get those posts online before the break ended, but… didn’t, obviously, and now I feel behind. I would write them off completely if they weren’t already more than half-way complete. Also, I flatter myself that I have readers that are sincerely interested in reading them. To them I say, Soon. Soooooooooooonnnnnnn.

Anyhoodle, everyone is always asking me what I actually do at work, since I’m always talking about how bored I am. Well, usually I’m writing, but on the days I’m not, I try to explore a new topic or interest. Today, I got interested in geography.

I didn’t pull geography out of my ass or anything – there’s a logic to it. Mostly, the fam is all abuzz over Li’l Sis’s imminent departure from these here hills to venture over the wide, wild ocean to the dazzling, exotic, and very artsy streets of Spain. Sidebar: she had the audacity to commission a brand spanking new scarf for her trip (and it’s turning out fabulous, pictures coming soon). All this talk of passports and Moorish architecture and currency conversion and flamenco dancing has inspired some serious wanderlust within my soul. I would love to see Spain one day, and many many many other places as well, which prompted me to google the world’s most famous landmarks for to plan the Reeva Dubois World Tour That Will Probably Never Happen.

As I was scrolling through a list of Popular Destinations that I found on Wikipedia, I followed a link to a cute little quiz. It’s straightforward enough. The quiz asks you to click as close as you can on the city or place given. Your score is based on how close you get. It isn’t as easy as it might seem. For example, when asked to identify Yellowstone National Park, I always go too far to the west because I have this weird spatial problem with those huge western states. I know the park is in Wyoming, but, to me, Wyoming is one of those square states over yonder (yonder meaning west), so I always overshoot (no offense to Wyoming). It might also be that I’m confusing Yellowstone with Yosemite, which makes me want to click closer to California. The POINT IS, today I discovered that I suck at geography.

Sadly, it seems I’m not doing my part to improve South Carolina’s image…

Anyway, I learned a lot, and it was eye-opening, and just a tad depressing. Try the quiz here and let me know how you do.

(It would have been nice if Blogger had enough room to post it, but as it is, I'm going to have to use a link. Clickie!!

[hangs out while you take the quiz]

Well? How did you do? Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a complete moron. I did Ok in the European countries, you know, with cities like Paris and London and Rome and stuff, but I was shocked when it became obvious that I had no clue where most of the Eastern European and Scandinavian cities were. It only got worse in Africa, Central/South America and Asia. For some of those, I considered myself lucky just to identify the country.

I mean, it was one brainfart after another. Like, getting confused as to which Scandinavian country is which… I’m embarrassed to type it, but it’s true. It was humbling to realize how much I didn’t know about the world once all the words were erased from the map. Just so you know, Norway is the one with all the fjords… on the left. Another example: South American cities. I don’t think I was close on any of those – except for maybe Rio. By the way, what is up down there? I mean, you hear about Africa and the Middle East everyday, what with all the genocides and epidemics and religious/tribal/ethnic strife. Is everything cool in Latin America, or are we just ignoring them?

After my first couple of tries, I was so mortified of my ignorance that I decided that today I would officially learn all the countries of Africa, AND figure out how those countries in Eastern Europe are laid out, AND learn where the major cities in China are, AND get a grip on all those islands in the South Pacific, AND (and I’m totally embarrassed to admit this one) finally get the Canadian provinces straight… yeah, that’s pretty pathetic.

So that’s what I’ve done all day, and once I felt like I had a reasonable handle on the countries, the cities sort of came intuitively. I still have no idea what’s going on down there in the South Pacific, and the Caribbean is still really confusing, but I’m gratified to know that I can now differentiate between Gambia, Gabon, Ghana, & Guinea. I’m also happy to report that I now understand that The Maldives is an island nation and not a mountain range. And finally, in the biggest intellectual coup of the day, I now know that Bermuda is situated directly east of me, all sad and lonely out there in the Atlantic Ocean, as opposed to where I thought, which I won’t share, mostly because it will make you wince so hard you’ll get instantaneous wrinkles. And that’s never a good thing.