Ugly Betty Season 3 Premiere

Brace yourselves, people. I had some serious issues with the 3rd season premiere of Ugly Betty.



My sentiments exacty, Justin…

But first, the obligatory preface. I love this show like Betty loves empanadas. I think about it, I talk about it, I lurk in fan forums… if it would make me any money I’d sell it on street corners. My devotion has been sealed with oil and blessed by the nearest Bishop. My loyalty has never been questioned. But I hated this episode. HATED!

Why, Reeva, WHY!?! Spoiler-ridden discussion after the jump…

Let’s review what all went down in this premiere…

So, as far as that huuuggggeee decision Betty needed to make on last season’s finale? Well, Betty chose not to choose. That was smart and mature and not altogether unexpected. We learn of all of this in a foggy, hazy flashback. After being beaned in the head by a softball, she hands Henry his ring and tells him she’s sorry (well done, Betty), and then she turns to Gio and tells him thanks, but no thanks, she doesn’t feel the same way about him, which LIAR!! Did I mention that all of this happened in less than 10 seconds? We find out that instead of joining Guy A or Guy B at the airport, she trekked to the cemetery to have a chat with her mom, which was sweet and poignant and also lasted less than 10 seconds. Then we zip through an opening credits montage of her journeys through the American Southwest where she searched her soul, climbed rocks, acted out every road movie cliché there has ever been, and discovered that her power animal is an ugly turquoise dove. And all of this happened before the title card rolled. How efficient!

And now The Betty is back and she has a plan. While she was away, she decided what she had to do, which she captured in her handy dandy binder ‘o self improvement: 1. take more responsibility at work in order to land a promotion within a year, 2. get an apartment in the city, 3. abstain from romantic entanglements.

Mission 1 is immediately sidetracked, thanks to Wilhelmina and her soul-sucking obsession with all things black and white. Betty barely escapes getting bludgeoned with Wili’s sledgehammer and proceeds downstairs to join Daniel in his new venture, a gross gamer/fratboy/unwashed men’s magazine called Player, which is oddly appropriate for Daniel and devastatingly inappropriate for Betty. The staff literally boos her ugliness and Daniel’s kid is running amuck, so clearly everything is going well and we can check Mission 1 off the list.

Mission 2 is accomplished handily, but not necessarily successfully, mostly because Betty commits the cardinal sin of signing a lease without seeing the property. Now I realize the general conceit of this whole episode is Betty is some naïve youngster trying to make her way in the world, but I think any moron knows better than to enter into a lease agreement blindly, and although it’s absolutely UNBELIEVABLE that someone like Betty, who’s been taking care of her family’s affairs for umpteen years and who often seems to be the only person thinking anything through from beginning to end would make this kind of mistake, I guess we’re just going to have to accept that her trip to the Grand Canyon caused her to empty all of her brain-cells into a tin can on the side of Route 66, so we better get used to these kinds of hiccups in her judgment.

Mission 3 is going very smoothly right until the last 5 minutes of the episode when Betty meets a cute musician playing his music too loud in her new apartment building, a development as inevitable and predictable as, well… everything in this episode turned out to be . You know what, writers? It isn’t ironic if we know it’s coming.

Meanwhile, Hilda is up to her leopard-print tube-top in love with the Coach, who is married, which apparently doesn’t bother Hilda too much, except when his wife keeps hitting up his cellular device while he and his mistress are trying to get buzay on the living room sofa in the house that his mistress shares with her father and teenage son.

Mr. Suarez got a job at a burger chain and Lindsay Lohan is his boss slash Betty’s high school nemesis.

Daniel is now the editor-in-chief of a lowbrow non-pornographic men’s magazine and his kid is an enfant terrible.

Elsewhere in the Meade building, Wilhelmina has begun her tyrannical and apparently sub-arctic reign over Mode, and has already turned Daniel’s office into a gothic nightmare of a nursery for a baby begat by a dead man’s sperm.

Alexis is still clueless. Christina is still pregnant with Wili’s trump card. And Mark and Amanda are still Mark and Amanda, which is a miracle.

That’s a lot of plot, isn’t it?? It seems Betty sure missed a lot while she was away. Apparently, it only takes one Betty-free month for everyone in her life to deteriorate into slobbering, oafish buffoons. So much of what happened in this episode seemed like a bad dream… it was all so unbelievable that it strayed dangerously close to being dishonest. Like, for example, would the Betty we know really get into a food fight with her high school bully in a public place? Would she really be cool with Daniel bastardizing her great idea for an uplifting article about a troop of motorcycling breast cancer survivors into a tawdry, T&A publicity stunt? And it’s not just Betty… Would the Alexis we know really be so easily duped by Wili (and Regis and Kelly) into sabotaging her own mother’s magazine? And would the Hilda we know willingly enter into an affair with a married man after everything she has been through, even if it is Eddie Cibrian? Ok, that’s not a good example…he is SO FINE!

At the end of the episode, Betty more or less confirms that everything that went down in the last 40 minutes was bizarre and out of character, and by removing that awful dove from around her neck, we are assured that Betty as we know her, the smart, independent, totally non-schizo Betty is back and here to stay. We hope.

What freaks me out is that I endorse the majority of the developments that transpired in this episode, from Betty’s decision to dump both guys, to Wili’s takeover of Mode, to Alexis’s betrayal of her family, to Daniel’s relationship with his son… I mean, it’s all good stuff. I guess what’s bothering me is that it all happened WAY TOO FAST. I’m wondering if this episode was the second half of season 2 stuffed into one episode, and the more I wonder, the more convinced I am. The best example of this would have to be the introduction of a new love interest for Betty. He’s cute and all (and we shall explore him further in later posts, I’m sure), but I’M NOT OVER HENRY AND GIO!! It took Betty the entire first half of season 2 to get over Henry and we only just started getting to know Gio, and now there’s another guy?? BOO! (Although, I don’t think we’ve seen the last of Gio and his salami…)

In conclooje, this episode was a complete trainwreck; not because of where we ended up but because of how we got there. Hopefully, the writers will SLOW THE F*** DOWN and let us actually witness the stories taking place, rather than launching into entirely new territory without exposition or development. And even more hopefully, Betty will be an intelligent, thoughtful creature in the future, instead of the impulsive, unbalanced loon she was in this episode. I WANT my Betty back!

Premeditating Ugly Betty: Season 3

I have to start this post with a shout out to Erin, who told me I was a fool for not watching Ugly Betty. Erin is my prophet, my rabbi, my teacher. Since discovering this show, and through it, the mystical ways of Betty, I am a better person. And about 50 times more gay. I say thank you. And Amen.

Season 3 starts on Thursday (9/25), and *reminder* the show will be filming in New York. I don’t know if filming on location will change anything, but it did provide an excuse for this epically awesome promo…

Now I’m 51 times more gay.

Season 2 came out last week, and I showed up at my neighborhood Target to buy it the day it came out. My adoration of this show is so profound, I didn’t even mind paying a few extra dollars if it means watching IMMEDIATELY instead of waiting 2-3 business days for Amazon to do its thang. Seriously… best few extra dollars I’ve ever spent.

A lot of people thought Season 2 was weak. I take umbrage with that, and not just because I love the word umbrage and don’t get to use it as often as I’d like. I think the writers’ strike and the resulting chaos unfairly tainted people’s opinions of this season, which is a real shame, because after watching it straight through, practically in one sitting, I am of the opinion that it is top-notch. Granted, some of the plot lines seem chopped and under developed, but I much prefer a quick resolution to a story-arc than no resolution at all.

Let’s discuss character by character, shall we? Proceed to the jump…

Oh, Saurez… or as the Besties like to call her… Grandma – she left on a jet plane, we don’t know when she’ll be back again. Did she fly with Henry to Tucson, where she’ll write for a local rag and endure awkward picnics in the desert with his kid and his Baby Mama? Or did she jet off to Roma with Gio to explore the hidden sandwich secrets of the Italian countryside (one word: salami)?



The above picture of America picking her nose is completely irrelevant. But also, funny.

Seeing Betty walk outside her door with the implication that she did indeed board a plane to somewhere is such an incredible cliffhanger, isn’t it? It made me think: if I were Betty, whom would I choose? That, friends, is a bitch of a choice to make.

I’ve loved Henry since he correctly identified the genus and species of Betty’s discount-drugstore-bought Halloween costume in Season 1. That’s just something I know. I wanted to jump him when he stood up to Pepper on the jousting pitch at Medieval Times. I still loved him when he left Betty for Charlie, who may or may not have been carrying his child. Even when it all started getting ridiculous – like when he allowed Charlie to sabotage Betty’s birthday – I still loved him. His love for Betty is as strong as his sense of responsibility to Charlie, and GOD doesn’t that suck for him? Betty and Henry’s deep commitment to making their relationship work is romantic and optimistic, but I must admit that I had trouble believing that two people as smart as they would keep trying to keep the affair alive.

And obviously, I love Gio. I have to hand it to the writers; they’ve created two terrific suitors for Betty. They are completely different, and yet both equally loveable. I’m not completely convinced Gio is right for Betty. Sure, he brings out some interesting facets of her personality, and she does relax around him, but I don’t sense the same connection that she has with Henry. Maybe I feel that way because the relationship was still kind of one-sided, even in the finale. We know Gio is madly in love with Betty, but I can’t guess how Betty feels. Maybe she doesn't even know quite yet. For that reason, I’m pulling for Betty to go to Rome with Gio. I think she owes it to herself to see if Gio has what it takes. A life with Henry in Tucson could be great, but Charlie will always be there, and Betty will always play second fiddle to a child that isn’t hers. Gio is a fresh start, without all the baggage and obstacles. Obviously, there has to be something wrong with him. I’m sure Season 3 will illuminate.

Hilda is one lucky bitch. I’m totally onboard with Eddie Cibrian, if only because it means he will keep appearing on my television in tight gym shorts.



Wilhelmina’s takeover of Mode was one of the plot points that kind of frustrated me. Her reinstatement to Creative Director and her promotion to Editor-in-chief by Alexis seemed to happen really, really fast. I get the feeling the writers always intended that to be the result at the end of Season 2, but the strike forced them to squeeze all the plotting and scheming into two episodes… to the point where there wasn’t any plotting and scheming at all. I found it odd that after everything, Alexis would just hand it all over, especially since she knows Wilhelmina (and her ambitions) better than anyone. I look forward to seeing how Claire and Alexis get along now, because it’s obvious Claire doesn’t approve. Yeah, this whole story-arc could have used more time.

So Daniel has a son. He’ll have to work out those Daddy issues sooner rather than later. And learn French. I was completely thrown by this plot twist, because I just don’t see where it’s going. Is Daniel, Jr. going to be a permanent fixture on the show now? Will he be the new heir to the Meade empire, at least until Wilhelmina’s spawn comes of age? Other than forcing Daniel to settle down and become an adult, I don’t see what function this kid will serve. Oh, well.

Speaking of Wilhelmina’s spawn… did you notice that neither Christina nor the baby she’s carrying were mentioned in the finale? And what of Christina’s husband? Is he going to get his surgery? I bet that was another storyline that got squeezed out by the strike.

Also left unresolved… Gene Simmons isn’t Amanda’s dad, so she’s back at square one. And Mark’s relationship with Cliff went nowhere. I’m not sure how I feel about Cliff. I get what the show is trying to do with Mark – you know, humanizing him and everything – but I think I like Amanda and Mark as they are: shallow, unapologetic, and bitchy. Would Mark date a guy like Cliff? Maybe, but maybe I don’t want him to.

The sisterhood of Fabulous...

Since the premiere of the third season of Ugly Betty won’t come fast enough, here’s a post about America Ferrera to tide us over.



(aside: I'm not sure if this dress is great, but I like it because it looks like lots of keyboards. It makes me want to go pound out some Chopin...)

I’m not the first to notice this, but it is interesting how things have worked out. When The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants came out, Alexsis Bledel and Amber Tamblyn were the hotshots du jour, thanks to successful stints on Gilmore Girls and Joan of Arcadia, respectively. They shared the movie screen with a then unknown Blake Lively and a known but still underappreciated America Ferrera. Three years and a dramatic switcheroo… now, America is an emmy-winning, Latin-achievement-award-accepting, beautiful-red-carpet-gown-wearing superstar, and Blake Lively is a blog-heroine thanks to her role in Gossip Girl, a show which gets a ton of attention, and yet, no one seems to watch.

Full disclosure: I probably won’t see Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2 in theatres. I don’t know, it just seems like more of a rental to me. That said, I’m sure it’ll be good. I have noticed that the press for the movie has been skewed America’s way, which is fine with me, although… I do wish Alexis would get more attention. Anyway, since America and Blake are the popular girls now, they’ve been doing some interviews together, with hilarious results. I’m glad to know that I’m not the only one who thinks Gossip Girl is kind of dumb. Keep your eyes on Fidgety McBoredom (America).

If it’s possible, seeing that makes me love that girl even more.

Besides being delightfully bitchy, she is always radiant on the red carpet, too, and I’m hoping she gets recognized as one of the better dressed celebs at some point. There’s a polish to her that you don’t see all the time, and listening to her speak, I actually perceive that she has a brain. Really, all four girls in the cast of Sisterhood are up there in my book. They aren’t in the tabloids that much, they are always wearing panties, and they can speak in complete sentences. What else is there?

When My Obsessions Collide...

So what happens, do you think, when Betty Suarez, Madonna, and Jazz Hands are combined?

A Big. Gay. Supernova.

So get out your vision-protecting goggles and hunker down… BEHOLD!

If I could just add to the message…

Dear Madonna, while you’re at it, could you send me a signed copy too? It isn’t my birthday, but I’ve probably listened to it just as much as Justin (over and over and over and over). Kthxbye.

Tonight on Ugly Betty...

Special cameos from Project Runway winner, Christian Soriano and judge, Nina Garcia.





I swear, if this show gets any gayer, it'll need it's own Pride Parade. Wait, that doesn't sound like such a bad idea. Now where did I put my leather chaps....

I'm not lazy; I just can't be bothered...

...to write a coherent post in paragraph form today. Instead random tidbits…

1. I ate a lemon poppy seed muffin for lunch, and while it was undeniably delicious, I don’t appreciate finding poppy seeds all over my person for the entire rest of the day.

2. I’m really into Mariah Carey’s new single, Touch My Body even though it might be the silliest, most asinine song she’s ever released. The video is a big part of my irrational love. I LOL every time I watch it.



As an aside, I’m so happy that geek chic is in right now. My favorite manifestation of this trend would be Henry from Ugly Betty. He’s geeky, but the boy can dress.



It’s all a fantasy, though. No geeks I know have washboard abs.



More after the jump!

3. I have this great idea for bookshelves in my new apartment. I’m going to go to the Home Despot and buy decorative cinder blocks, and, along with some stained planks of wood, construct floor to ceiling shelves in the living room.

4. I just realized as I was making a list of cleaning supplies I’ll need for moving day… I’ve never actually purchased a broom. I thought they just appeared out of nowhere, like in the Sorcerer’s Apprentice.



5. Dancing with the Stars premiered last night, and I tried to watch it. Really, I did. But the absence of Maksim made me irritable and difficult to please.



6. I couldn’t sleep last night, so in a moment of sheer insanity, I picked up Oliver Twist, which I hadn’t read in years. I’d forgotten how much I loved Dickens’s writing. Before I knew it, I’d read 80 pages, dooming myself to a miserable morning. Today, besides being tired, I’ve got the musical numbers from Oliver! stuck in my head.

7. Apparently, my boss wants to have a meeting with me about my job and its direction… or lack thereof. It’s probably just her biannual ploy to convince me that there are big plans for me and that I shouldn’t do anything crazy like look for another job. Sometimes she acts like she’s terrified of the idea of losing me, which is flattering, I suppose. But wouldn’t it just be easier to pay me more? I have no principles! I can be bought!

8. I’m sad because Enchanted came out today on DVD, but I don’t have the money to purchazzie. Well, I mean, technically I do, but I shouldn’t, which is somehow worse. I saw Enchanted in the theatres, and it didn’t do all that much for me, but I recognize it for what it is, which is a movie that gets better every time you see it.

9. Speaking of movies, I really want to see Horton Hears a Who and The Other Boleyn Girl and 10,000 BC and Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day and maybe even Semi-Pro. I wish movies were free.

10. It seems odd to leave it at 9. So… um… link How about a funny joke?