The Year in Music

Ya’ll – this post got Out. Of. Control. Apparently, I’m more like my father than I thought, in that I love nothing more than to hear myself talk. I’ve put most of this behind cuts to save space on your friends’ page, and/or not crash your feeds.

The Year In Music: Best of 2007

When I sat down to write this entry, Reeva’s Year in Music 2007, I was instantly overwhelmed.

A TON of music came out. It seemed like more than normal, but I might have just been paying more attention. One of the side-effects of being bored at work is that I have tons of time to scour the internets for interesting new things, and since I can’t look at “inappropriate sites,” music blogs have become my sanctuary of stimulation. There are lots of great sites, most of them specifically geared towards finding and showcasing new talent. As a music enthusiast, I learned long ago not to count on the radio. Even the stations that proclaim to be the ones playing the big hits are only playing a dismal few of them, and, as I’m sure you’ve noticed, they’re playing them over and over and over and over again. So if you ever find yourself sick to death of the stuff on your local hit station, the first thing you should do is get on the internet and search the music blogs. You’re bound to find something new and different to refresh your love of music. This isn’t big news or anything, everyone knows this stuff already, but I only figured it out this year, so I’m just saying… if you’re bored, look online.

The downside is, with all the new music and all the videos and all the blogs – it’s hard to keep up. And blogs being what they are, it’s sometimes hard to discriminate between what’s actually good, and what’s just being obsessed over by some whack-job in a basement who may or not be hardcore besties with the unknown artist they’re shilling. A lot of the stuff I find is bad – there’s a reason no one has heard it. But then there are those other times when you stumble on a gem, rub it on your shirt, and start wearing it around town, and a few weeks later, everyone is talking about it.

I spent waaay too much money on music this year, but luckily, I feel like I got something out of it. The only way I can figure to discuss the year in music without rambling on into oblivion is to put forward my Top 10 albums of the year, along with a smattering of honorable mentions. If you could see the list of music I’ve gotten to know over the course of this year, I think you would be grateful that I’ve whittled them down to just 10. It could have very easily been a list of 50, but I don’t have the strength to write 50 reviews any more than you have to read them.

#10

Kelly Clarkson / My December

There isn’t much to say about this album that hasn’t already been said – but just give me a minute and I’ll re-say every word. The album is, indeed, different from her previous work; it’s harder, and more emotionally raw. The lyrics aren’t so much about independence or victory over a doomed romance, but rather depression, desolation, and bitterness. The sounds are decidedly less American Idol and more Battle of the Hard Rock Bands. But if you ignore the politics and the labels and just listen to it, it’s a really good album; flawed… but good.

For Kelly Clarkson, it has always been and hopefully always will be about her voice. She has a powerful instrument, one that she can mold into any genre she chooses; strong enough for rock, soulful enough for R&B, and sweet enough for pop. I heard that her next album will probably be a country album, thanks to the close apprentice/master relationship she has cultivated with Reba McEntire. I, for one, will buy it the day it comes out without hearing a single note beforehand, just like I did this one. That’s how awesome I think she is.

One of the major bones the critics had to pick with My December was the alleged departure from her Pop background. If you will recall, she had a harsh, public bicker-fest with her studiohead in the months before the album’s release, and frankly, I think we’re lucky it was released at all. Among various qualms, the main sticking point was Clive Davis’s opinion that none of the songs on the album had hit potential, but Kelly argued that marketability wasn’t what she was going for. She made a very personal and risky move when she decided to compose an album that reflected the new image she wanted to convey, one that was angrier, harder, and rooted in classic rock as opposed to producer-driven pop. If you listen to her body of work from Track 1 of her first album, Thankful to the last track of My December, it’s clear that a progression has been made. It isn’t like she went from Teeny-Bopper to Gangsta Rapper overnight, but good luck explaining that to Clive Davis. As far as he was concerned, Kelly had betrayed her core audience and cost him loads of cash. In reality, Kelly was simply making the record she wanted to make, even if that meant less than impressive sales. That might seem like a big step to take so early in one’s career, indeed, but this is her third album. By today’s standards, Kelly is way past green, and moving towards retirement.

The truth of the matter is: the album has some serious weaknesses. It’s almost like Kelly spent so much time focusing on the new direction of her music that she forgot to consider whether the music was any good. I think the biggest problem with the album, in general, is the lyrical content. Kelly was going for a certain darkness and angst, but she wound up with bad high school poetry. When you add the cliché rock arrangements and a tendency for a lot of the tracks to sound the same, it is no surprise that her fans and her boss were a wee bit disappointed.

So why is this album in my little countdown at all, you ask? Because it’s Kelly Clarkson, and I could listen to that girl sing stereo instructions. Didn’t you hear me earlier? I said I’d buy her next album even if it was country. If that isn’t love, I don’t know what is.

Key Tracks: Never Again, One Minute, Sober, Irvine/Shivas

#9

Rilo Kiley / Under the Blacklight

I bought this album because I loved (LOVED) Jenny Lewis's first solo album, Rabbit Fur Coat. After listening to that for almost two weeks non-stop, I was ecstatic to discover that there was more Jenny Lewis to be had, because, as it turns out, she is the lead singer for some band called Rilo Kiley.

I missed the boat with this band and my only excuse is that I was too busy (and too poor) to notice them when they first hit the scene a few years back. But even without my patronage, Rilo Kiley has become one of the most successful indie-rock bands in the country and this album is supposedly their big break (they scored a record deal, the cover of Spin Magazine, and a feature on MTV). Since I didn’t have any prior experience with Rilo Kiley, I was prepared to be a little disappointed (I was absolutely sure it wouldn’t be as good as Rabbit Fur Coat but I was pleasantly surprised. Under the Blacklight, their fourth album, is a great blend of soft rock and alt-country, and not only did I love it, I went out and bought their other albums (also very good).

This album is a collection of vignettes, tableaus (if you will), of the seedy, shady dealings that go down in the clubs of L.A. after dark. The subject matter ranges from prostitution to vicious break-ups to statutory rape (yikes, huh?), but there’s always a sense of irony and satire. If you get too deep into the lyrics, the whole album is kind of sleazy, but it’s all in fun, and the music definitely isn’t sleazy. Jenny is a great personality with a versatile voice, capable of aloofness and blistering emotion, whatever is required. I tend to attach more to the music anyway, as opposed to the lyrics, so I didn’t realize how nasty the album was until I read a few reviews. Not that I care, though. I’m a big fan of trashy subject matter, after all.

Key Tracks: Silver Lining, The Moneymaker, Under the Blacklight, Dejalo

#8

Feist / The Reminder

Feist is yet another indie-rock fixture crossing over to the mainstream. I’m not familiar with her work before this album (I’ll fix that), but I can understand why she has a cult-following.

I learned about Feist after seeing her video for 1-2-3-4 on some website, and if you haven’t seen that video, you definitely should. It encapsulates everything that is Feist: she’s quirky, sweet, and incredibly talented. While most of the other songs on The Reminder aren’t as immediately endearing as 1-2-3-4, there’s plenty to fall in love with. Her style travels through jazz, alt-country, rock, and bubblegum pop, but everything is unified by her breathy, yet powerful vocals and her strange ability to surround you with atmosphere. Honestly, most of the lyrics make absolutely no sense to me, but I find myself not caring – I just enjoy the sounds.

Key Tracks: I Feel It All, My Moon My Man, 1-2-3-4

#7

Britney Spears / Blackout

It shouldn’t surprise you that Britney’s new album, Blackout made it on to my list. However, it might surprise you that it also made it on to Rolling Stone’s Top 50 Albums of the Year. Seeing her album on that list not only made me feel better about loving it, but it also proved a point that I’m constantly trying to make with people: crazy people can make good music if they have enough help.

This album isn’t about Britney, it’s about producers. About 10 very talented artists came together, wrote some lyrics that seemed appropriate for Britney’s image, and composed deliciously original dance/pop. All Britney did was show up to record some vocals, which were then mixed, mashed, mangled, and manipulated until they were barely recognizable. That might seem like a whole lot of trouble, but let me tell you, it was worth it. This album is fun, fast, sassy, and damn… I can’t help but dance.

Key Tracks: Gimme More, Piece of Me, Radar, Toy Soldier

#6

Tori Amos / American Doll Posse

Of course this album would make it on to my countdown (I frikkin’ worship Tori), but this isn’t necessarily proof of my irrational obsession with her. I think everyone can, and should, enjoy this album.

Her previous album, The Beekeeper, was greeted favorably by the critics, but her core group of fans responded with disdain and disappointment. Apparently, if she isn’t speaking in tongues, her fans don’t like it (personally, I’ll take coherence over crazy-speak anytime, which was why I absolutely adored The Beekeeper). So having just alienated her fans but pleased the world-at-large, Tori chose to put out an album that, in my opinion, is all about bridging the gap.

If eccentricity is what her fans crave, they are certainly getting their money’s worth. American Doll Posse is a concept album that traces the musings and misadventures of five distinct personalities embodied within Tori Amos. The five characters – Isabel, Clyde, Pip, Santa, and Tori (as herself) – each take the spotlight for 4-6 songs, revealing different sides of Tori’s musical, philosophical, and political agenda. The characters are finely drawn and fairly easy to recognize based on the general mood and theme of the songs and Tori has gone as far as to change costumes during her concerts to signify a change in character. If you want to know more about the five characters and what makes them tick, as well as the songs they sing, go to the album’s page on wikipedia… it lays it all out for you.

All of that I just said… doesn’t mean all that much to me. I didn’t really follow the different character stuff – I put in the CD and pressed play, just like I always do, and I was very happy to discover that the music holds up very well, whether one follows the additional context or not. And seriously, with 23 tracks, there’s bound to be something good, right? This album has some of the most melodic, radio-friendly music Tori has ever released, but with just enough crazy to be fresh, new, and… Tori.

The true standouts on this album are the ballads and comedic asides. As far as ballads go, Roosterspur Bridge and Girl Disappearing are two of my favorite Tori songs EVER and that is saying something, considering I come from the Under The Pink school of Tori-love. For comedy, little ditties like Fat Slut and Posse Bonus are great moments of lightness on an album that could have become over-long and over-serious. *Aside: I’m not sure if Fat Slut is supposed to be funny… or what, but when it came on, the sound of Tori screaming Fat Slut was so hilarious that I chortled, and I’m not a chortler. /Aside.*

This album is Tori’s 9th studio album, and it’s mind-blowing that she is still surprising me after all these years. I love that her sound keeps growing, which is different than simply changing.

Key Tracks: Big Wheel, Bouncing off Clouds, The Beauty of Speed, Almost Rosey, and all those others I mentioned.

#5

Mika / Life in Cartoon Motion

Mika’s debut album holds a special place in my heart. Besides being, like, super-fun and fabulous, Life In Cartoon Motion also marked the beginning of a musical journey that I’m currently still traveling. When Life in Cartoon Motion came out in April, all I knew about Mika was that he was a rail-thin, curiously ethnic, Freddie Mercury-voiced, U.K. pop star that had just hit it big in almost every country in the world thanks to a sugary sweet, altogether addictive hit single, Grace Kelly, and he that he was finally about to hit big in the U.S. Well, I can’t say he hit as big in the U.S. as he would have liked, but he definitely hit big enough for me to buy his album.

Whenever I discover a new artist, I always make it a point to search the web for whatever info there might be on them because I think context and background really add to the experience of their music. While learning about Mika, I was stumbling across loads of websites dedicated to the pop scene in the U.K., which is very healthy and prolific. Thanks to various articles and blogs about Mika’s rise to fame, I not only discovered him, but the entire musical world from whence he came, and I decided I was totally in love.

The British Pop Scene is remarkably different from that of the U.S., even though most people seem to think all pop music is pop music. Not the case, I say! Just for starters, the American pop music scene has two very profound and powerful musical traditions constantly pounding on its walls – HipHop and Country. HipHop can trace its roots to Rhythm & Blues, Jazz, and Soul, all of which are basically sub-genres of Rock, which is fundamentally an American invention. Most of what we hear in mainstream music today is thanks to the deep and unmistakable sounds contributed by African Americans in the early stages of Rock and Roll. Meanwhile, Country is Rock mixed with the European American traditions of Bluegrass and Celtic Reeling. The majority of American pop artists today basically fall into one of those two categories when stripped to the essentials. And finally, we must give thanks to Ricky Martin for introducing America to the sounds of Latin America (honestly, his music is a very toned-down, Americanized version of Latin Pop, but he gets the lion’s share of the credit for the Latin Explosion, probably because he’s such a fine-looking piece of man).If you follow American music closely, all the different genres are constantly being shared and referenced, sometimes so much so that the music sounds schizo, but the point is… American music is some of the most diverse in the world, and you can totally hear it. Of course, I’ve over-simplified dramatically, but that doesn’t change the fact that America is damn lucky to have an almost never-ending supply of inspiration to keep the music going.

The U.K. isn’t as lucky as the U.S., but that doesn’t mean they aren’t innovative. Ever since the Beatles landed on American soil, the two countries have enjoyed an open and exploratory relationship, one that encourages the exchanging of musical ideas, and the opportunity for an artist to be famous on two continents. They gave us Punk, but we gave them Disco. They gave us the Beatles, but we gave them Nirvana. We can argue whether those are both fair tradeoff’s, but let’s not and say we did. Anyway, for the past 40 years or so, the U.S. and the U.K. have been influencing each other, adding depth to the pop music on both sides of the Atlantic. Many artists enjoy acclaim and prestige in both countries, regardless of their place of birth - Madonna, Annie Lennox, Radiohead, and Elton John are just a few examples – but a true crossover has become a rare, much coveted accomplishment. Instead, one will usually see a corresponding American act for every major craze sweeping across the U.K., and vice versa. Pop is all about relativity – the right place, right time factor – and it is amazing that two cultures could come up with so much great music, all from the same pool of influences.

If I ever had to argue everything I’ve just said in a court of law, Mika would be Exhibits A-Z. Life in Cartoon Motion is almost a buffet for pop fans. It seems like every genre and sub-genre of pop is covered, from the raucous dance-floor anthem (Love Today), to the syrupy ballad (Any Other World); to high camp (Lollipop)and low silliness (Big Girl), to the sublimely ridiculous (Grace Kelly) - they're all there, with a little bit of cabaret thrown in just for kicks. Every song can be traced to pop trends from both sides of the pond, but he does it without sounding out-dated or overly imitative. All of this together explains why he has found success all over the world – everyone will like something on this album.

The really good news is that the U.K. is always churning out excellent pop singers like Mika, we just don’t hear about them until many months later, and even if we do hear about them, they have to be super-awesome just to make a dent in our Top 40. But thanks to my exposure to Mika, I have since discovered acts like Roisin Murphy, Siobhan Donaghy, Sophie Ellis-Bextor, Sia, I mean, the list goes on an on. If you aren’t following the U.K. pop scene, you’re missing some incredible music. I’ve only just started to get into it, but I feel like I haven’t even scratched the surface.

Key Tracks: All those songs I listed a paragraph ago...

#4

Bjork / Volta

I feel like a lot of people I know run away screaming whenever I mention Bjork. Why does she frighten them so? Granted, she's a bit wacky, Ok... at times she seems certifiable. But really, she’s like a really big dog that barks (crazily) a lot – intimidating and scary at first, but with a little time and attention, she becomes your best friend.

I’ve said a hundred times, I’m not a lyrics person. I was recently chattin’ it up with a co-worker of mine who happens to have her doctorate in literature, and she was saying that all she hears when she listens to a new CD are words and stories. She is so tuned in to the lyrical content of the music that if she had to talk about it later, she would only be able to recall song titles and words. I, on the other hand, focus on sounds. I’m more likely to recall great beats, or an interesting orchestration, or a great melody. Since my co-worker’s experience of music is about the story, she feels that the music serves the words. Since I’m fixated on the sounds, I usually tend to believe the words serve the music. One isn’t better than the other, I should say, but I’m very interested in how our backgrounds effect how we experience music.

All of this leads me to believe that one of the reasons why so many people fear Bjork is that her music is so much more about sound than story. A person like my co-worker would have nothing to attach to upon first hearing Bjork – her voice isn’t pretty (well… at least to most people, it isn’t), her lyrics can be difficult to decipher, and she is constantly experimenting with rhythm and timbre. I suppose the tribal drumming, the electronic hisses and scratches, and all the wailing and warbling she does with that voice of hers… I suppose all of that could be a turn-off.

If you’re like my co-worker, I can’t really help you, but if you’re like me – and new sounds are the wind beneath your wings – than you will love, love, LOVE, this album, and Bjork in general. My first experience with Bjork was her album, Homogenic, and I’m not exaggerating when I say that it changed my life a little bit. Songs like Hunter and Bachelorette are so freakishly awesome that they manage to make it on to every single playlist I ever make, no matter what kind of list it might be. I may play them at my wedding. It’s hard to say what makes them so great, but suffice it to say that Bjork doesn’t just create an atmosphere, she creates a whole universe. My life changed again when I saw the movie, Dancer in the Dark and followed that up with the purchazzie of the movie’s soundtrack, SelmaSongs, in which Bjork proves that she is a true-blue composer, capable of writing music that communicates with sound, instead of relying solely on the words.

Volta contains several of the most evocative, moving songs Bjork has ever created. And honestly, she may have succeeding in doing so despite of herself. Bjork has the reputation of being forward, experimental, innovative, but I think there’s a thin line between those things and insanely off-the-wall. Pop music has to exist in time and space; the only way it gets heard at all is if it breaks through the wall of indifference and over-stimulation in which our culture thrives. Therefore, it is imperative that the music be relevant and understandable. I think Bjork knows this, and that’s why she asked Timbaland, a producer who literally can do no wrong nowadays, to assist with three tracks. I don’t know if Timbaland’s main responsibility was to rein her in or not, but his work certainly helps the music sound current. Some critics expressed disappointment in what they perceived as Bjork’s selling-out, and some went so far as to call the new album pandering, but I completely disagree. An artist shouldn’t have any qualms about working towards a more universally digestible sound, as long as they aren’t compromising what they actually want to create, and I think Bjork has been around long enough not to fall into that black hole.

What I love most about this album is the consistently sharp songs. On previous albums, I’ve felt like the music and the words have been a little vague, like someone wandering in a desert; moving, yes… but probably in a giant circle. I’m a big of fan of songs that have beginnings, middles, and ends, and I especially love it when songs follow that route in an open and clear fashion. Unlike some of her previous work, the songs on this album are compact, concise, efficient – like a really good short story, and that, to me, is a sign of real brilliance.

My favorite song on the album, and one that I feel I need to spotlight, is The Dull Flame of Desire. The lyrics aren’t Bjork’s (rather, a translation of a poem by Fyodor Tyutchev), but here are the lyrics:

I love your eyes, my dear;
their splendid, sparkling fire;
when suddenly you raise them so
to cast a swift embracing glance,

like lightning flashing in the sky;
but there's a charm that is greater still:
when my love's eyes are lowered,
when all is fired by passion’s kiss,

and through the downcast lashes
I see the dull flame of desire.

Ooooohh, I get chills. First of all, what a great poem. To set it, Bjork enlists Antony Hegarty, lead singer of Antony and the Johnsons. Antony owns a voice that is both unconventional and ethereally beautiful, one that takes some time for my ears to get used to, but paired with Bjork’s often raspy, emotionally charged gutterings, the duet is unexpected and moving. The song starts quietly – a brass choir intones the melodic core of the entire piece, and then Bjork begins the first stanza of the poem. She takes turns singing the lines with Antony, until they are eventually singing in counterpoint. Meanwhile, the brass choir is echoing and embellishing the thematic elements of the piece, creating a thick layering that gets more and more complex, and a tribal, pulsing drum beat starts to push through everything, getting more and more frenetic and desperate as the piece progresses. After several iterations of the poem, everything comes together in a literal and figurative climax of brass, drums, and chorus, and well… you might need a cigarette afterwards.

Hear me, now – this song can stand up to anything being composed by doctoral candidates in Music Composition at any Conservatory in the World. Bjork is a frikkin’ genius.

Key Tracks: Earth Intruders, The Dull Flame of Desire, Innocence, Declare Independence

#3

Rufus Wainwright / Release the Stars

I can’t remember my life before Rufus Wainwright, and frankly, I don’t want to. When Release the Stars first came out, I wrote a short blog post about what is arguably the best song on the album, Going to a Town, and my enthusiasm for Release the Stars hasn’t waned at all.

The great thing about this album is that it revitalized my adoration for Rufus. I’ll be honest, Want One and Want Two (Rufus’s third and fourth albums) aren’t my favorites. They don’t have the same magic as his eponymous first album or Poses. The Want albums seem to be searching for something, like there’s some lack of direction. That’s not to say the albums aren’t totally brill, but I don’t connect to them like I want to. Release the Stars was a revelation for me, because upon my first listen, I was completely caught up in it, listening to it over and over, memorizing the lyrics, getting misty at my favorite parts; I LOVE it when I have that kind of response to something.

Rufus is always talking about his affinity for opera and Broadway musicals, and for the first time, you can actually hear that affinity. He hinted at it on previous albums, but this time, it’s emphatic and intentional. These aren’t so much songs as they are production numbers, and I’m tempted to say he might have had the stage in mind when he was composing them. Songs like Going to a Town, Between My Legs, Do I Disappoint You, and Release the Stars are so bombastic, so energetic, so dense – that only one word comes to mind: SHOWSTOPPER! And then, just for balance, he throws in these quiet, intimate ballads like Tiergarten and Not Ready to Love, that are so bittersweet and sad that you can’t help but surrender to them. In my mind, all of these songs are moments in some bigger production, and God…I would do anything to see it.

Key Tracks: Are you kidding? They’re all key tracks!! I will NOT choose…

#2

Amy Winehouse / Back to Black

I believe that 2007 will go down as the Year of Amy Winehouse. Every year has a small parade of breakout artists, but Amy Winehouse might just be the breakout artist of the decade.

The important thing to understand about Back to Black is that it’s a throw-back AND a throw-forward. The music is completely entrenched in the sounds and styles of 60s and 70s blues, soul, and rock (hence the beehive hairdo), and yet it fits in perfectly with everything going on in music today. Helping her is Mark Ronson, a producer/composer/arranger/DJ that has spearheaded the neo-soul movement in the UK (incidentally, he released an album of collaborations this year as well, which is really good). Amy, who has more soul than any white girl should, uses her voice and her lyrics to update and modernize the old-school sounds, and somehow does so without coming across like a tribute artist. The lyrics are the standard stuff you’d expect: heartbreak, unrequited love, infidelity, etc., but Amy peppers everything with very modern allusions to drugs, sex, and self-destruction. The girl groups of the 60s and 70s weren’t addressing those issues, and if they were, it wasn’t obvious. The best example would have to be Rehab, probably the biggest hit on the album. Keep in mind, this album was out in the U.K. before Paris, Lindsay, and Britney went through their respective dramas. Somehow, Amy wrote their theme song before they even needed it.

Basically, Amy Winehouse reinvented the sounds of yesterday. I think she’s a shoe-in for the Best New Artist Grammy, that is if she can keep her act together long enough to claim it. Based on the tabloids, it seems her life is very much imitating her art – and you know, it’s none of my business. I just want her to be alive and reasonably healthy so she can keep making records.

Key Tracks: Rehab, Back to Black, Tears Dry On Their Own, You Know I’m No Good

#1

Rihanna / Good Girl Gone Bad

I think Rihanna gets a bad rap. Everyone knows and loves Umbrella, and that makes sense because it’s one of the best pop songs ever written, in my opinion, but no one ever talks about the album. Even when the follow-up singles performed well, people still didn’t go out and buy the whole thing. To this day, Good Girl Gone Bad hasn’t sold nearly as well as her other albums. What is going on!? I think it speaks volumes about the state of the music industry, because 10 years ago, this album would have sold millions. If you only bought the Umbrella single, I’m telling you to your face that you’re missing out on the best pop album to come out in years. I'm vindicated just a tiny bit by her six Grammy nominations - at least someone somewhere noticed how awesome she is.

For some reason, Rihanna has entered the national psyche as some sort of guilty pleasure; she’s treated like a fad that won’t last. That’s a shame, seriously, because there’s nothing trendy or time-sensitive about this album. It is fantastic pop, well performed, well produced, and well everything. The reason I put it at No. 1 is because it didn’t leave my car stereo for 5 months. You hear me? I listened to it over and over for five months, and it never got old. Did it change the world? No. Is Rihanna the next Madonna? Perhaps not. But did it entertain me non-stop for almost half the year? A thousand times yes, and that’s why I’ve named it my best album of the year.

There have only been a few albums that I would put up with Good Girl Gone Bad in my pantheon of pop greatness. My criteria is simple: zero skippable tracks, I never get tired of it, and it makes me feel happy. They are, and in no particular order:

1. Destiny’s Child – Survivor
2. Kelly Clarkson – Breakaway
3. Kylie Minogue – Fever
4. Ace of Base – The Sign
5. Britney Spears – In the Zone
6. Christina Aguilera – Stripped
7-10. Madonna – Ray of Light, Music, American Life, Confessions on a Dancefloor

I proudly stick Rihanna’s Good Girl Gone Bad at No. 11. Welcome to the club, girlfriend!!

Key Tracks: They’re all great. Not a skipper in the bunch. My favs, though, are… dammit, they’re all my favorites.

I am exhausted! Honorable Mentions are behind the last cut...

Arcade Fire – Neon Bible

I’m not a huge proponent of indie-rock, but this group is fast becoming one of my favs. I’ve listened to this album at least a dozen times, but I always come away with new insights. I especially love the lush arrangements – this band is quite large, with what? 10 people, so they experiment with all sorts of different timbres. It adds a lot to their clever lyrics.

Maroon 5 – It Won’t Be Soon Before Long

I’m loyal to this otherwise mediocre band mostly because I think Adam Levine is smokin’ hot. But this album is very decent – great hooks. Basic Pop, but fun enough.

Annie Lennox – Songs of Mass Destruction

At first I was disappointed with this album. It doesn’t stand up to any of her previous work – a lot of it sounds tired and uninspired. But it’s still Annie Lennox, so it’s good stuff no matter what. The only awful thing I could say about it concerns the song, Sing. We’re lead to believe that over 20 famous singers came in to record the song, but you only hear Madonna and Joss Stone clearly. Talk about false advertising. Also, while I appreciate that the song is about encouraging repressed women all over the world, this song couldn’t be any cheesier. Apparently there’s a very thin line between inspirational and pandering.

Backstreet Boys – Unbreakable

Before you laugh, this album is really quite good. The Backstreet Boys always had the better power ballads in my opinion, and this album is nothing but. Something seems off, what with the missing 5th member, but it’s still a good album for just singing along like a crazy person in the car.

Brandi Carlile – The Story

Wow, I’m so glad I discovered this girl. She’s a mix of country and southern rock, with just a little bit of alternative thrown in. Her voice is really rough… like, it sounds like it hurts when she sings, but it has a heck of a lot of character, too. The highlight on this album is the title track, which featured heavily on Grey’s Anatomy. It’s an amazing song that moved me to tears the first time I heard it. The rest of the album is very good, just a tad bit too country for my tastes.

A Fine Frenzy – One Cell in the Sea

A Fine Frenzy is actually Alison Sudol, and this turned out to be an amazing debut album. She’s a chanteuse that sings about love, mostly, but there’s always a hint of pathos, even in her most optimistic songs. Her true strength, though, is desolation and despair, as evidenced by her hit single, Almost Lover. Either way, the songs are catchy and memorable, and her breathy mezzo-soprano is one of the prettiest I’ve heard in a while.

Alicia Keys – As I Am

I haven’t listened to this album as much as I would like - it only came out a month ago - but I’m fine adding it as an honorable mention based on one song – No One. I frikkin’ love that song.

Timbaland - Shock Value

It most certainly has been Timbaland's big year, or... years. First of all, Justin Timberlake and Nelly Furtado are both all over the radio, even though both of their albums (which Timbaland produced) are almost two years old. Then, OneRepublic, a struggling Coldplay/The Fray-eque band hired him to remix one of their songs, which ultimately skyrocketed to huge hit status. On top of everything, Timbaland released a solo album which yielded an impressive three huge singles. Well, I love the singles... the rest of the album is standard rap stuff, lots of "I'm the greatest"+"I have more money than you"+"Women like to have sex with me"+"Haters don't bug me, but I will still write ten songs about the fact that they hate me"="Love me or I'll hurt you" kind of stuff.


And just because I'm a complete masochist, the rest of the albums I enjoyed this year...

Project Runway Episode 5...

Is everyone still sad about Chris’s elimination? Good news! Eliminations are just for play, play (not for real, real) on Project Runway. Indeed, Episode 5 is a smorgasbord of drama, with the untimely departure of one contestant, the joyous return of a recently Auf’ed contestant, and the dismissal of yet another contestant. The episode aired two weeks ago, and my head is still spinning, although… I did drink a lot of eggnog over the holidays.

All of the contestants are in mourning after the brutal Auf’ing of our dear, sweet Chris, who made up for his lack of taste in fashion with just bucket-loads of laughter and wit. Sweet P is particularly saddened by the loss, mostly because she shared with Chris the same feelings of inadequacy compared to all the professionals in the workroom, or at least that’s what I think. C’mon, Sweet P, what happened to all the jazz about better him/her than me? Meanwhile, over in the boys’ apartment, Jack looks like he just got hit by a truck. Seriously, one side of his face is swollen like a water balloon. He looks miserable, so he explains that he’s dealing with a staph infection, which is why he looks like he’s getting over a recent collagen injection.

Back in the studio, Heidi drops the bomb that we’re about to sit through yet another challenge that doesn’t involve the models, so we won’t be seeing them this week… again. Instead, a lot of very pretty ladies wearing what appear to be remnants of circus tents come walking on to the runway, and Heidi exposits that this challenge will be a makeover challenge. The ladies standing in front of the designers have all lost incredible amounts of weight, and the large, billowing layers of fabric currently weighing them down are actually outfits that they loved and cherished when they were at their heaviest. As they move down the line introducing themselves, I’m almost in tears. These women have accomplished amazing, bewildering, staggering losses of weight, some over a 100 lbs., and they are positively glowing, even though some of them are about to fall over from the weight of their old clothes. Indeed, I think there are outfits up there that weigh more than their owners… now. The challenge will be to construct a fashionable, flattering, and tasteful outfit using the old outfit and $10 dollars worth of extra fabric from the store.

This has got to be on the best challenges this show has ever put forward. It’s challenging, but also inspirational, and dare I say, just a little bit moving. The designers are paired with the models at random and then it’s off to the workroom for a consultation and some sketching, followed by a little shopping. Throughout this whole process, the camera is continuously drawn to Jack, whose face just keeps swelling and swelling. The other designers are starting to get concerned, and Sweet P asks him if he’s in any pain. He responds vaguely – I’m sure he’s just trying to ignore the discomfort at this point. A little later, though, we listen in as Jack calls his doctor, who implores Jack to come in immediately for a very intensive treatment. Jack’s eyes betray the dilemma he’s in; he’s worked so hard to be on this show, and up to this point he’s done very well, but should a man who is HIV+ risk sitting around while a dangerous bacteria rages through his body, even if his immune system is currently in very good shape? The obvious answer is no, so Jack breaks the news to Tim in private, and then to the rest of the designers. God, this is heart-breaking. I can’t recall the last time Fate dealt such a swift kick in the ass to a reality show contestant. But, health trumps all, so even though I was sad to see him go, he totally did the right thing.

Not too long after the remaining designers dry their tears and get back to work, Tim Gunn walks in with a special announcement. Of course, before doing so, he raises his eyes to the doorway, and Show pulls its now infamous OMG-look-the-door-is-opening-who-will-it-be trick. I’m going to go ahead and declare for the record that I thought we were going to be introduced to the guest judge for this challenge, who I had hoped would be none other than… Richard Simmons. Alas, I was brutally rebuffed there, but happily, Tim Gunn is actually bringing back a former contestant to replace Jack, and it is none other than Chris March! The workroom explodes with excitement, and rightly so; Chris March is fabulous. However, I caught myself going through a slightly embarrassing crisis of conscience upon seeing Chris’s face. At first, I was as happy as the other designers, because I like the guy, but then I was all, wait, he was eliminated. Tim Gunn prattles (which is so unlike him) about how the show wanted to keep the level of competition high, but I’m not sure that makes sense. I mean, from a purely game-oriented perspective, how is this keeping the level of competition high? And how is it fair to the remaining designers? I suppose since Jack left voluntarily (as opposed to Season 3’s Keith, who left in disgrace), it makes sense to bring back a recently Auf’ed contestant, but it just doesn’t sit well with me. This is so complicated, I’m so happy to have Chris back, but I’m not happy about it, either. Maybe I need to get a life.

Since Chris came back into the game so late, he will be allowed to work through the night, thus getting the same amount of time as the other designers, but it’s pretty obvious that Chris probably got a phone call at his apartment just as he was returning home from being eliminated, and then he re-packed himself and high-tailed it back, just to get thrown into a new challenge with a model he hasn’t met. Maybe that sort of balances the fact that he’s back after being eliminated. I guess I feel a little bit better.

During the construction process, it’s pretty clear that Steven is having major issues. Well, the model he got stuck with showed up in a wedding gown; a cheap, beaded, and sequined to the boundaries of taste gown, just to clarify. The lady is very sweet and obviously aware of the challenge her fat outfit presents, but Steven doesn’t seem to be committed to “making it work.” Instead of looking for potential, as little as there may be, in the gown, he has decided to use cheap black fabric from the store and use the white elements of the initial look as embellishments. That seems cut-and-dry to me, but somehow he’s very far behind in every aspect of the design process the entire time. Things aren’t looking too good for Steven, that’s for sure, but some of the others designers are cooking up some ugly as well. This should be an interesting runway show.

We’ll start with the winner.

Finally, Christian gets a win. This little munchkin is very sure of himself, and he seems to believe very sincerely that he should have won every challenge so far, so he’s particularly happy to win. The truth is: even though the judges have been off on the winner several times this season already, Christian hasn’t deserved to win any, either. I can’t spite him too much, though; he’s been consistently good, and I actually agree with the judges on this one. His client was particularly challenging. She stipulated a long list of things she just won’t wear, including patterns, colors, and specific styles. She only wears jeans and black tops, which I find a little silly. I mean, black clothes and denim are the staples of a fat person’s wardrobe, so I totally understand her dependence on them, but if I’d lost as much weight as she, I would be running around in a coat of many colors and tights, that is, if I wasn’t taking every opportunity to be naked in public. I guess I’m just surprised that someone would still be stuck in the same old wardrobe habits after altering their lifestyle and appearance so drastically. Anyway, Christian clearly exceeded her expectations with this look. Not only did he stay within her parameters, but he created a stylish, contemporary, and commercial look. Not only that, but he managed to incorporate his own sensibilities as well. After seeing the outfit come down the runway and listen to him talk about it, I said to myself that if the judges don’t give him this win they are the biggest hypocrites in reality TV judging history (a remarkable feat), and I would never take them seriously again. He accomplished everything they are constantly harping about, and luckily (for them), they awarded him for it.

Some people are raving that he barely changed the initial look (which was, surprise, jeans and a black top), but I don’t see what other options he had, what with all of the requirements he had to deal with. And honestly, you have to give him props for reconstructing the fat jeans to those very well-fitted cropped jeans. And the jacket is just gorgeous.

This week’s loser, without a doubt, is Steven. What a disaster. The dress in and of itself isn’t the worst thing in the world, but the fact that he didn’t even try to incorporate the wedding dress was what really killed him. Yes, she looks like she just stepped off the Mayflower, and yes, he glued the white parts to the black parts, and it sort of shows, but what really did him in was his refusal to accept the challenge for what it was. He was snobby about the wedding dress from the start. Granted, his raw material was far more difficult to re-imagine than the others, but I can’t help but feel like he gave up and just did the easiest thing he could think of simply because he was offended by the fabric, lace, and sequins. I understand his choice of black, because he probably figured it would work best with the wedding dress once he figured out what he was going to do, but the resulting look is dreary, drab, and dr-BLAH! La Kors and La Nina threw out funeral and French maid, and… yes and yes, agreed and agreed. I’m totally Ok with this Auf’ing, because I never really liked the guy anyway. AUF!

Also in the Top 3 is Kevin. I love, love, LOVED! this look. It’s very now, very today, very Lindsay Lohan wore it yesterday. And if you had seen what he had to work with originally, this is nothing short of a technical and artistic marvel. I’m sorry to make Kevin sound like he just invented the wheel, but I seriously cannot get over how awesome this outfit is. If was a girl, I would totally wear it. Hell, maybe I’ll wear it anyway. It’s flattering and fashionable, and his model looked like she was about to run outside, flip her hair, and never look back. What a great way to acknowledge a significant weight loss, huh? Even though I strongly second Christian’s win, I wouldn’t have had a problem with this one taking it. Well played, Kevin, well played.

Rounding out the Top 3, and in a very controversial way, is Jillian. She made the dubious choice of foregoing her model’s original fabric in order to create a red dress. In fact, the only shred of fabric from the original clothes is the black piping that accentuates the model’s curves. While I like this dress (I mean, ain’t nothing wrong with it), I can’t help but be fixated on Jillian’s clear infraction of the challenge’s rules. Even more frightening is the judges’ dismissal of said infraction. I mean, COME ON!! They raked Steven over the coals for not using the wedding dress in his design, but they smile and nod at Jillian’s well-constructed, if not sort of boring, red dress like nothing is wrong. I don’t think Jillian deserved to get Auf’ed or anything, but why the HELL is she sitting in the Top 3? One more time, COME ON!! This is such a despicable, heinous, ridiculous double standard. Tim Gunn warned us at the beginning of the season that there would be several judging snafus that would make us rip out our collective hair and grind our collective teeth, but this is beyond frustrating… it’s STUPID. Now I need a cocktail.

I think it’s a bad sign when a contestant is allowed to come back to a Reality TV competition after being eliminated, and then continues to make the same mistakes that got him eliminated in the first place. Well, that’s Chris March for you. One of the things about any creative pursuit is the idea that one must be open to criticism and make changes. Being creative isn’t always about listening to one’s inner muse, especially in a field that involves working with clients or pleasing a customer. Fashion, my friends, is one of those fields. Chris was told in the last challenge that his designs were too customey, that they lacked a certain taste-level, that they made Nina’s eyes bleed. I’m wondering if he heard those criticisms and simply chose to ignore them, so convinced of his own genius that he won’t change, or if he’s just a kind of idiot.

Looking at this outfit, it isn’t all that awful. I like the play of color between the two shades of blue, and the top is quite pretty and flattering. But what’s… with… the giant red bow? And you can sort of see it in the picture, but he also included a fish tail on the back of the dress in the same shade of red. I think Chris probably thought the bow and the tail added a punch of color and interest to the dress, but all it really did was make it… you guessed it… customey. In fact, it brought very specific images to the minds of La Kors, and even though I can’t remember those, suffice it to say that the judges found the look to be clichéd, which, dammit Chris, don’t you listen?

Elisa continues to flirt with her own expiration, ya’ll. I can’t decide if she’s crazy or just out of her league, but this outfit is, in a word, Fug. The sad thing is that the jacket is actually quite nice looking, and it might have worked had it been paired with a pencil skirt or a pant, but the mini-skirt and long shirt just make her look short and stumpy. La Kors brought up a good point about how the layers seem to block out her body horizontally, which is never flattering on a shorter, wider body. Basically, Elisa made some serious mistakes when it comes to form and shape, and the look… not to mention the model… suffers.

The next two looks are some of the looks that are lucky not to have landed in the Bottom 3, in my opinion. On the left is Victorya’s translation of her model’s giant green moo-moo. Since Victorya’s model had one of the more dramatic weight-losses, Victorya had ample fabric to work with, so she should have been able to come up with something really creative and different. Instead, it’s just a wrap dress with some slight tweaking of color. I won’t be too hard on Victorya, though, mostly because I’m having trouble imagining that color and fabric being turned into anything interesting, but I will say that I’m not impressed. Also, Victorya needs to work on her people skills. She’s so robotic and cold, she’s like one of the Borg, I’m telling you.

On the right is Sweet P’s concoction, and my complaint is that it’s too simple. Now that we’re in Season 4, I’ve gotten quite good at identifying when the designers are being too safe. This dress is too obvious based on the original outfit, and later on, the judges will call Sweet P out for her uninspired patterns. Also, the fit seems a little off in the skirt.

Finally, these three looks were declared as passing.

First up is Ricky’s look, which I can’t say I like. The top is cute, but you could totally find it at the mall, if not TJ Maxx. To me, it’s a little dated. And I’m sorry, the cropped jeans are just not flattering. I can see her ass fat from here, and I don’t think that was the point of this challenge. True, she’s standing in such a way as to accentuate her booty, but the jeans are clearly too tight. I wish I could remember what the original clothes looked like, but since I can’t, we’ll give him the benefit of the doubt, but this outfit is just not creative enough for me. I don’t think I’ll be able to stop being mean to Ricky until he manages to get through one episode without crying. Seriously, he needs medication.

In the middle is Rami’s outfit, which I think is a complete success. The top is pretty and interesting, especially the twisting over the shoulders, and the skirt is working her figure big time. Rami definitely understands the shape of woman’s body, and when I first saw this look, I thought it would be a contender for the Top 3. It most certainly should have been up there instead of Jillian’s. And based on the way his model came down the runway, I think she agrees with everything I just said.

Finally, Kit. The only thing I don’t like about this dress is the dominant color, and since Kit couldn’t really help that, I have to let it slide. However, I do love the contrast of pattern and texture. The small accents of the black and white floral pattern against the solid pink is stunning, especially the peek of it at the bottom of the skirt. I would prefer if the pink was slightly darker, or a different color altogether, but like I said, Kit didn’t have a choice in the matter. We can’t all refuse to use the fabric we’re given and expect not to be penalized, JILLIAN!

Well, that’s that. For some crazy reason, Project Runway is on hiatus until January something or other, so in the meantime, I’ll have to find something else to occupy my recapping time. I thought about covering the Survivor finale since I did the premiere, but then I thought… Hell to the No. Well, I’ll think of something.

Where in the world is Reeva Dubois

I had hoped, dreamed, yearned that the Christmas holidays would provide enough time and distance from this crappy, festering, turd-farm of a workplace, but… alas and alack, my attitude hasn’t improved at all. I’m so bored that I’m getting pissy, and that’s a lot of crazy-talk coming from me, because I’m usually more than happy to be bored and listless. I had all these notions that the office would be busy and productive after the break, which would make the time go by faster (and more bearably {is that a word? Oh, screw it}), but I feel like I’ve been sitting here just like this since December 1st, like the vacation never even happened.

Part of my frustration is that I left all of my posts-in-progress on my computer at home (normally when I work on something at home but don’t finish, I email it to myself at work, rather than lug around thumb drives or disks [not that thumb drives or disks can be lugged, really, since they weigh practically nothing – but it is just another thing to remember in the morning – it’s mental lugging, you see]), but last night I forgot to shoot that email, so I found myself with none of my usual means of appearing busy. I totally meant to get those posts online before the break ended, but… didn’t, obviously, and now I feel behind. I would write them off completely if they weren’t already more than half-way complete. Also, I flatter myself that I have readers that are sincerely interested in reading them. To them I say, Soon. Soooooooooooonnnnnnn.

Anyhoodle, everyone is always asking me what I actually do at work, since I’m always talking about how bored I am. Well, usually I’m writing, but on the days I’m not, I try to explore a new topic or interest. Today, I got interested in geography.

I didn’t pull geography out of my ass or anything – there’s a logic to it. Mostly, the fam is all abuzz over Li’l Sis’s imminent departure from these here hills to venture over the wide, wild ocean to the dazzling, exotic, and very artsy streets of Spain. Sidebar: she had the audacity to commission a brand spanking new scarf for her trip (and it’s turning out fabulous, pictures coming soon). All this talk of passports and Moorish architecture and currency conversion and flamenco dancing has inspired some serious wanderlust within my soul. I would love to see Spain one day, and many many many other places as well, which prompted me to google the world’s most famous landmarks for to plan the Reeva Dubois World Tour That Will Probably Never Happen.

As I was scrolling through a list of Popular Destinations that I found on Wikipedia, I followed a link to a cute little quiz. It’s straightforward enough. The quiz asks you to click as close as you can on the city or place given. Your score is based on how close you get. It isn’t as easy as it might seem. For example, when asked to identify Yellowstone National Park, I always go too far to the west because I have this weird spatial problem with those huge western states. I know the park is in Wyoming, but, to me, Wyoming is one of those square states over yonder (yonder meaning west), so I always overshoot (no offense to Wyoming). It might also be that I’m confusing Yellowstone with Yosemite, which makes me want to click closer to California. The POINT IS, today I discovered that I suck at geography.

Sadly, it seems I’m not doing my part to improve South Carolina’s image…

Anyway, I learned a lot, and it was eye-opening, and just a tad depressing. Try the quiz here and let me know how you do.

(It would have been nice if Blogger had enough room to post it, but as it is, I'm going to have to use a link. Clickie!!

[hangs out while you take the quiz]

Well? How did you do? Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a complete moron. I did Ok in the European countries, you know, with cities like Paris and London and Rome and stuff, but I was shocked when it became obvious that I had no clue where most of the Eastern European and Scandinavian cities were. It only got worse in Africa, Central/South America and Asia. For some of those, I considered myself lucky just to identify the country.

I mean, it was one brainfart after another. Like, getting confused as to which Scandinavian country is which… I’m embarrassed to type it, but it’s true. It was humbling to realize how much I didn’t know about the world once all the words were erased from the map. Just so you know, Norway is the one with all the fjords… on the left. Another example: South American cities. I don’t think I was close on any of those – except for maybe Rio. By the way, what is up down there? I mean, you hear about Africa and the Middle East everyday, what with all the genocides and epidemics and religious/tribal/ethnic strife. Is everything cool in Latin America, or are we just ignoring them?

After my first couple of tries, I was so mortified of my ignorance that I decided that today I would officially learn all the countries of Africa, AND figure out how those countries in Eastern Europe are laid out, AND learn where the major cities in China are, AND get a grip on all those islands in the South Pacific, AND (and I’m totally embarrassed to admit this one) finally get the Canadian provinces straight… yeah, that’s pretty pathetic.

So that’s what I’ve done all day, and once I felt like I had a reasonable handle on the countries, the cities sort of came intuitively. I still have no idea what’s going on down there in the South Pacific, and the Caribbean is still really confusing, but I’m gratified to know that I can now differentiate between Gambia, Gabon, Ghana, & Guinea. I’m also happy to report that I now understand that The Maldives is an island nation and not a mountain range. And finally, in the biggest intellectual coup of the day, I now know that Bermuda is situated directly east of me, all sad and lonely out there in the Atlantic Ocean, as opposed to where I thought, which I won’t share, mostly because it will make you wince so hard you’ll get instantaneous wrinkles. And that’s never a good thing.

Feliz Navidad, ya'll...

Alright, ya’ll. Christmas is officially upon us, and even though it might feel like a massive yuletide tractor trailer creeping up on your car on the middle of an empty highway, blinding you with its high beams and almost forcing you off the road, it surely is the most jolly of seasons and I’m actually (surprisingly) looking forward to it.

The Casa de La Reeva has been a-hustling and a-bustling for the past few days, preparing for the annual pilgrimage to wherever the holiday festivities are taking place. This year, the entire family is heading up to Washington, D.C. to visit Big Bro and Big Sis-in-Law. Every possible step to prevent a Griswald-esque family Christmas has been taken, but since it is my family, I’m sure there will be a holiday cornucopia of disaster to tell of once I get back to the Kackalack. The only way I can go forward without having a nervous breakdown is to remember that every hair-raising moment will be fodder for future funny stories on this journal… and that helps me sleep at night.

So far the elves have been busy. Li’l Sis and I braved our mall the other night to do most of our Christmas shopping for the family. It took a whole lot longer than it should have, mostly because we’re total dumbasses who can’t remember whether Mom likes Chanel No.5 or Chanel No.392398203975734, and then we strolled through Bed, Bath & Beyond for an embarrassingly long time without finding anything for Sis-in-Law. It sucks really hard when you spend hours shopping and come out with nothing to show for it. I hope Sis-in-law loves unwrapping gift certificates.

Today was Christmas baking day, and I tried my oven-mitted hands on our secret family recipe for the best damned sugar cookies anyone has ever tasted for the first time. They turned out well, if you don’t mind me saying. Then, we had Christmas No.1 by unwrapping all the presents under the tree so far, only because we needed most of the gifts for the big trip to D.C. I landed a stereo compatible with my new iPod and the first season of Lost on DVD. Then I spent some time pouring through iTunes since I had a gift card (Thanks Erin!) and got myself ready for hours of family angst by putting together several playlists to drown out any bickering and passive-aggressive sniping that may (will) take place over the next few days.

Since I won’t have internet access over the holidays, I wanted to take the time now to wish everyone who reads this blog a very Merry Christmas! It’s been a great year and I think next year is going to be ever better. I’ll be back before New Years, though, and I have some great posts planned/half-written/almost finished that I can’t wait to get up on here, including The Year in Music, and the Year of the Queen 2007 – as well as more Project Runway recaps.

Until then, Peace on Earth and Good Will Toward Men… and All That Jazz.

And if there was any question of whether or not I've been naughty this year, here's a naughty picture to get you in the holiday spirit...

Project Runway Episode 4

Oh, do not fear, Project Runway recaps, I have not abandoned thee.

In case you forgot, last time on Project Runway, we got to observe the very first challenge involving menswear, and the results were, in a word, underwhelming. We’ll chalk it all up to experimentation and call it a day. Let us all hope that the Project Runway challenge thinker-uppers think twice the next time they consider dealing with men’s clothes… unless it’s swimwear. That I could totally deal with. More after the jump!

Revisiting the drama from the previous episode is particularly painful because the bottom three designs probably rate as some of the nastiest crap that has ever trotted down Heidi’s runway. Kit Pistol does her best to convince Sweet P that she deserved to stay over Carmen based solely on the fact that her garment could be considered an attempt at a shirt (at least), while Carmen sent her model down the runway in a piece of fabric draped around his neck in lieu of a shirt. Apparently, the lesson here is that Project Runway is much like Kindergarten: the important thing is just to try, try, and try some more. Do your best and you’ll get a sticker and a cookie. Isn’t that cute? Thankfully, Sweet P is too mature to be proud of her efforts. She knows that her stay of Aufing was more luck than anything, and it easily could have been her ass with Heidi’s footprint embedded in it had Nina missed her morning coffee or Michael Kors’ pants been just a tad bit tighter. Ricky is also lucky to still be around, but I’m not sure he knows it. I think the veil of tears around his eyes is impairing his judgment as well as his taste.

After the models are picked, Heidi sends the designers back to the workroom to meet Tim and “an old friend” and get their next challenge. Who is there to greet them besides Tim but Nina Garcia (Hey Nina, Heidi called you OLD… Slap fight, please!), looking fabulous. In this week’s challenge, the designers will have to choose an old fashion trend (as opposed to an old-fashioned trend, which implies hoop skirts and bonnets), all of which are thankfully OUT. Luckily for Show, Elle Magazine has captured these massive lapses of taste in its pages for posterity, and thus, Project Runway challenges. A part of me can’t believe some of these trends were ever popular, much less worn in public, and they make me grateful I was a baby in the 80’s – I was too innocent and wittle to be traumatized by the sartorial horrors that plagued the nation. But wait, there’s a twist. The designers will be working in groups of three, and as a team, they will put together a cohesive collection incorporating all three heinous elements from fashion’s dirty, dirty past that they’ve individually chosen. That’s a little overkill, in my humble opinion. This could have been a fascinating challenge, one that could have shown us who among these designers are truly inspired and creative. Instead we’re going to get another one of those episodes that delivers nothing but inter-team politics and drama… not to mention truly fugly clothes. If you think about it, updating these fashion trends would be difficult even if they were done one by one. Combining three of them into each look in a collection just seems… impossible. Methinks show is trying a little too hard to best itself.

We wind up with four teams of three and the resulting fallout goes something like this…

Team Jillian
Kevin, Rami, Jillian

The three winning designs seen above were presented by Team Jillian, Kevin and Rami. Their outdated trends were Overalls (Jillian, who at that very moment was wearing overalls, how humiliating for her!), 70’s flare (Kevin), and the poodleskirt (Rami). During the working phase, Jillian was picked as the leader of the group, so we’re led to believe the finished clothes are her vision.

The first look, constructed by Rami, is the Ode to the Poodleskirt, fashioned out of denim and floral piping. The second, by Kevin, consists of denim shorts and a floral top with a crazy collar. Finally, Jillian’s look is an updated overall get-up with giant bell bottoms and a sheer blue top with embellishments at the sleeves and collar. I don’t think there was any question of the winner in this challenge. All the outdated trends are there, but only in small (non-abrasive) doses, and the collection is definitely cohesive. Personally, I think this team got lucky. Overalls are still worn today, and if one looks hard enough, one can find plenty of examples that don’t make one look like a farmer. 70’s flare shows up at least once a season somewhere, and poodleskirts are really just skirts with large bells. By using denim in each look and manipulating the details of the tops, each look effortlessly combines all the trends. So although the collection is successful, I think they had an easier time of it considering their fashion trends. I honestly don’t like any of the looks, but they completed the challenge with style, which is more than can be said for the other teams.

Team Christian
Christian, Kit, Jack

Coming in a close second was Team Christian, comprised of Christian (obviously), Kit and Jack. Their challenge involved combining such travesties of fashion as Pleather (Jack), Zoot Suits (Christian), and fringe (Kit). Christian volunteered to lead the team, resulting in a collection that is incredibly well-tailored and chic. All the looks have defined striped patterns to bring the Zoot Suit to mind, and I assume some of the components are made of pleather, even if you can’t really tell from the runway. While I personally like these three the most, I can understand why the judges didn’t pick them to win. First of all, I don’t really see fringe. I’m sure it’s there, but it isn’t emphatic enough for this challenge. Also, Jack’s baby doll dress is a mystery to me. I don’t see how it fits into the collection, other than the fact that it’s striped. Again, I think this team lucked out in that their three out-dated fashion trends were some of the least offensive options, so only some serious breaches in taste would have put them at the bottom.

Team Ricky
Ricky, Victorya, Elisa

Ricky’s team found themselves in the bottom two, and with good reason. His cohorts were Victorya and Elisa, and their trends were Neon (Ricky), cut-outs (Elisa), and Underwear as Outerwear (Victorya). From the beginning, this team was doomed, not only because Ricky and Victorya turned out to be two of the most aggravating personalities ever, but also because their trends were beyond difficult. Ricky’s look, on the left, has clear intentions: the block of yellow at the bust to imply a bra (underwear as outerwear), and a short shift in a deep grape color. The sheer block above the bust is sort of weird, though, and I’m not sure the look is wearable under any real circumstances. I’m assuming that the blocks of color are supposed to invoke cut-outs, but… I’m not sure I get it. And these colors aren’t exactly neon, either. Victorya’s look in the middle is way too reminiscent of an ice-skating outfit, and once again, pretty unwearable. Elisa’s shift on the left is probably the most accessible of the three, but the cut-outs along the bust look amateur, like an art project. It was clear that the collection lacked unity, but the trends weren’t represented well, either. In the immortal words of Karen Walker, this collection was a Fiesta Del Failure.

Something must be said about the dynamic between Ricky and Victorya, because, in retrospect, they both exhibited some of the worst social skills I’ve ever seen on this show, with the possible exception of Wendy Pepper and Angela. Victorya is a self-proclaimed control freak. She convinced Ricky to be the team leader, but made herself an obstacle to his success at every step. Clearly, she's one of those people, you know... the ones that are too cool and too busy to actually take charge of a creative process, but somehow find the time and energy to criticize, manipulate, and back-stab. I HATE those people! Ultimately, Victorya's passive-aggression and uncooperativeness sunk the entire team, and I’m so glad the judges saw through it. It’s a hard lesson to learn in life, but in a team, the individuals are obligated to submit to the rule of a leader, even if they don’t agree. If you are so bent on having your way with things, then you also have to have the balls to lead, and later, be strong enough as a person to accept the consequences, and clearly, Victorya isn’t mature enough to know that. To be fair, Ricky made some truly awful decisions (fabric, overall aesthetic, etc.), AND he failed to assert himself when it came to major decisions with the collection. Since it probably would have been his butt on the line anyway, all Victorya did was show the judges a bad side of herself. And these judges don’t forget that kind of stuff.

Team Chris
Sweet P, Steven, Chris

The other team in the bottom two was Team Chris. Chris was joined by Sweet P and Steven, and their three out-dated trends were truly challenging. Chris managed to get stuck with shoulder pads, Sweet P got baggy sweaters, and Steven ended up with dancewear. At first, I thought they might have an easy time of it; just think of that chick from Flashdance, with her leg warmers, baggy sweatshirt, and prominent shoulders, and bippity-bobbity-POOF! and you’re done. Unfortunately, these three aren’t anywhere near as smart as I.

Early in the working phase, Chris somehow found himself named as the leader, and it’s obvious he wasn’t thrilled about the idea, but hey, what is he gonna do? He’s working with Sweet P and Steven, who’ve proven to be two of the weakest links in the work room chain. As the looks started to materialize, Steven expressed concern over the shrug Chris was constructing, but (of course) he doesn’t actually express that concern to Chris, but rather snarks about it in the confessionals, which is not only rude, but also unhelpful.

The sad part about all of this is that the three looks in this collection are all pretty strong individually, in my opinion. Sweet P’s dress is gorgeous, and not just because Donna Karan said so, but because it actually is. Steven’s wrap dress with tights is eye-catching and pretty (although, not really all that wearable in real life), and Chris’s look isn’t nearly as awful to me as it seems to be with everyone else in the world. Admittedly, the shrug is a little Pro-Football-esque and the fabric is a tad dreary and elderly, but the dress underneath is absolutely adequate, and the challenge was to incorporate shoulder pads, after all, right? What made this collection a failure is simply that it isn’t a collection at all. Michael Kors said it best when he said that all three looks belong in different collections, which is a big strike against you in this particular challenge. It was also pretty obvious that the looks didn’t incorporate all three out-dated elements, and that Chris and the team had decided to address each trend individually rather than combine them. That would be another strike.

So the judges were forced to choose between a collection that was downright fugly and a collection that didn’t satisfy the requirements of the challenge. Based on those principles, I thought the judges were correct to Auf Chris, even though it totally broke my heart. I won’t get on the bandwagon that’s screaming SHENANIGANS on the judges on this one, mostly because I’m saving my complaints for the next episode, recap coming very soon.

my iPod and me...

Subtitled: How a piece of gadgetry almost ruined my life.

I know I haven’t been updating much lately, and for that, so sorry, but really, this blog has missed nothing. Truthfully, and without exaggeration, all I’ve done for the past week, excluding the miserable hours at work, is fiddle with my new iPod. Funny story about that… it almost didn’t work.

My iPod arrived like a new-fallen snow, or the first rain of spring, or a rainbow after a flood – it was all magic and angels singing and babies gurgling and what not, just as I’d expected. The first phases of getting it online went by without incident. My little computer properly downloaded and ran all the appropriate updates and programs. When the help wizard told me I was finally ready to start importing my music – I could barely contain my glee. And so it began. I started at the beginning of my first giant traveling case of CD’s, and we were off and running. The first CD I imported was one of my newer ones, Cyndi Lauper’s first album, She’s So Unusual (I bought it for Girls Just Wanna Have Fun and seriously, don’t we?). After the little jingle jangle that signified the import was complete, I connected my new Ipod and let it sync, all the while shivering with excitement… my FIRST digital listen! The sync went fine and the album showed up on the crystal clear screen of MyPod, and I pressed play. Ah, the joyful strains, “I come home in the morning light/ My mother says, “When you gonna live your life right!?” and so on and so forth, and we’re just about to rev into the chorus when…

Skip…

Girls, th…

Spazz…

Ey wanna h…

Blippity, Bleep…

Ave f…

Gagahgahgahgah… skippy skip…

Uuuunnn.


What. The. F*ck. Why is my iPod skipping? I don’t panic... no, it’s much too early for that. Instead, I erase the album, restart my computer, and try again. And this time, it’s much better. Sigh of relief. After that, the importing began in earnest. As my CD’s were one-by-one fed to iTunes, I read His Dark Materials by Phillip Pullman, and watched some of the first season of Ugly Betty on DVD. Fine Holiday Fun.

All of that was Thursday night. It had been a busy night – 58 albums imported. Friday at work passed slowly, and when I got home, I went straight to my computer and began importing. As I put in the soundtrack to Chicago, I noticed that the music wasn’t sounding all that great coming out of my computer. It was fuzzy and…you guessed it… skipping. I thought, maybe it’s the CD, so I let it finish and listened to it from the iPod. All That Jazz was almost unrecognizable amidst all the hissing and scratching. I was upset, understandably, because what the hell good is this iPod if my Chicago soundtrack isn’t on it? Right!? But then I went to listen to some of the other stuff I’d imported. EVERYTHING WAS SKIPPING!!!

I think the cloud of obscenities that erupted from my mouth at that point is still hovering over the Kackalack in a dense haze. It might not be safe for flying.

Once I managed to compose myself, I went online to see if anyone else was having these kinds of problems. Can I just say that the iPod tutorials and forums are incredibly UNHELPFUL when it comes to troubleshooting. The problems discussed are either as inane as, “How do I turn this thing on?” or so complex and out of my league that I can’t understand the words much less put them into action. After several hours of hair-pulling and nail-biting, I was close to tears… but then I found a blog that answered my questions. Turns out, my computer doesn’t really have enough memory to support iTunes, and my laptop’s CD drive is a little outdated and can’t handle the speed iTunes wants to use for importing. So, some CD’s will import just fine IF my computer is having an amazing day and IF it’s the only album currently residing in iTunes. Basically, I was screwed.

I felt like I’d hit some sort of rock bottom. I called a friend and said, “If I don’t figure out how to get this G’Damn thing to work, Ebeneezer Scrooge won’t be able to hold a Grinch-scented candle to the level of Stank I will unleash upon this holiday season.” Clearly, everyone’s Christmas was at stake.

At that point, I figured my only options were to a) go buy a new computer (not happening) or b) use my parents’ nicer one. So that’s what I did… I took my iPod and my two giant CD cases and parked in front of my parents’ Mac. I said a little prayer to the Heathen Gods of my ForeGays, and BEHOLD!, the CDs started importing without problems. I was so excited that I just started importing with wild abandon. One album after another, over and over, again and again. Before I went to bed that night, I’d caught up with my previous stint and then some.

Four days later, and ImportFest 2007 is almost complete. I had no idea what a shitload of music I had. The iPod is running fine, and my parents’ computer has taken the digital onslaught like a champion. Now, though, I need to start thinking. I’m moving out very soon, which means my iTunes library is going to be stuck at home. Does that mean I have to come home every time I want to add something to my iPod?

Also, my computer is a PC and my parents’ computer is a Mac. My Pod can’t do its updates on the Mac – I’ll have to do that with the PC. Is that going to screw anything up? Does it matter if my iTunes library is on one computer but not the other? When I plugged my iPod into the Mac, it made me erase all that I’d already downloaded, which was fine because it was all skipping, but will it make me do that again when I need to download the software updates? I know it says you can use it on up to five computers, but does each computer have to have all the same music in its library in order for the iPod to sync properly? Will I have to erase and start over every time I want to sync? Is there a way I can move my iTunes library to another computer when I want to? What is the meaning of life? Where do we go when we die? What did I get on my shirt at lunch?

I need to lie down.

Project Runway Episode 3

Ok, seriously, what could possibly top a visit from Sarah Jessica Parker? These questions and more answered on Project Runway Episode 3.

We open with the remaining male designers fretting over the dismissal of Marion, as is tradition. The more pressing matter, though, is how close Christian came to being Auf’ed, something no one could have predicted. Christian admits to the cameras that the last elimination was a humbling experience, and I’m glad to hear him say that. He seems like a genuinely nice little queen, and self-aware enough to know when he has come up short, which means the arrogance is all mirth and no malice. I really want to like Christian, and this helped.

What’s that, Heidi? No playground-style model elimination this week? What on Earth could you mean?? Once again, Heidi leaves the designers in suspense, and shoos them off to find Tim Gunn somewhere in Manhattan where they will get their next challenge. She does mention, however, that this challenge is a first for Project Runway. Color me intrigued!

The designers meet with Tim Gunn in what looks like a TV studio, and Behold! Tiki Barber. Yeah, I didn’t know who that was, either, which apparently establishes once and for all that I’m a giant homo. Aren’t we glad that’s settled? I know I am. Tiki (and don’t you just love that name? Tiki… what whimsy!) is a famous runningback, and since I don’t follow the foozball, I’ll just have to take Tim’s word for it. Tiki’s reception is decidedly luke-warm, especially compared to last weeks squee-fest over Sarah Jessica Parker, but Kevin, the one and only straightie, seems to think this is a big deal, so I guess it must be so. Tiki explains that his gig nowadays is as a correspondent on the Today Show, and this week the designers will be creating a look for him to wear on the air. Now THAT is a big deal. He goes on to give the designers his vital statistics: thick neck, big butt, and a certain “short”age in the height department. He likes color (including pink and pastels) as long as they compliment the overall look. With that, Tim Gunn sends the designers on their merry way, which isn’t really true, because most of them look absolutely terrified.

Out of all the designers, only two can say they have any experience in menswear. We learn that menswear is by far the most difficult kind of designing, from the construction to the fit to the styling, so we shouldn’t be surprised to see so many of them looking so scared and unprepared. As we listen in on the planning phase, many of the designers are spouting out words like ‘three piece suit’ and ‘blazer’ and I really want to call them to remind them that they’re on Project Runway, which is famous for giving contestants insanely difficult challenges and not enough time to complete them. Hello!! It took my local department store three days just to frikkin’ alter my last suit, so I can’t imagine how long it took to make the damn thing! As usual, I’m smarter than all these people.

Ooooohhh, male models!! I’d almost forgotten about them. They’re hot. That’s all that needs be said.

After the sewing and cutting and more sewing, it’s time for the Runway Show, and some of the designers are the most unfinished I’ve ever seen. This show loves to tease us with the possibility of someone sending a model down the runway nude, but that has never come close to happening. I’m reminded especially of Bradley on Season 3 during the Dog Challenge – they made this big deal about him having to start over from scratch the day of the Runway show, and… well, he almost WON the challenge. But this time, they aren’t screwing around with us. There are jackets being held together with safety pins, and please believe it, actual non-clothes. Nina is going to totally flip.

I found almost all of the designs to be rather disappointing, but we’ll go through them anyway… starting with the winner…

This striped monstrosity is brought to you by Jack. Ya’ll… I really don’t like it. Yes, it’s well made and it’s admirable that Jack decided to edit his workload in order to show finished products, but I think there are some seriously unfortunate choices being showcased here. First, all the stripes; I mean, doesn’t anyone else start to feel dizzy after looking at this? I like the pin-striped pants and I like the shirt, too, but together? Maybe I’m fashion-backward, but I would never wear this. I was seriously uneasy when they picked this as the winner, mostly because I feel like there were other designs that were more ambitious and just as well executed. The only way I can justify it would be Tiki’s involvement, because he’s thinking of what he’ll look good in on the screen. So, case closed. But I still don’t like it.

Ok, ok… girlfriend sent her model down the runway with a very aqua piece of fabric tucked into his pants instead of a shirt, but this elimination still hurt my feelings. Carmen really got shafted on this one. I honestly can’t figure out how her time slipped away from her so badly, especially when there were other designers that made full ensembles, but what IS finished looks just as good as all the other crap that came down the runway. The judges and Tiki had no love for the jacket, primarily because it was too short, thus accenting Tiki’s badonkadonk (which, hey, if you got it, flaunt it), and the pants aren’t right in the crotchular region. But I think her ideas had potential. At the end of the day, I can’t fault the judges for kicking her off. To La Kors and La Nina, unfinished is the biggest sin, and this belongs in Project Runway Hell. So sadly, Carmen: Auf!

Joining Carmen in the Bottom 2 were Sweet P and Ricky. I think Sweet P knew she was in trouble – I mean, if she thought she was going to slide through with that shirt, she’s more like Dumb P. On the bright side, the pants look alright, if not a little poofy in the hips, and I’d totally wear that tie. So how did she screw up the shirt so spectacularly? Only Sweet P knows, and she’ll probably never tell, lest she embarrass herself even further.

Ricky, on the other hand, had problems of a different sort. First, I really don’t recall Tiki asking the designers to fix him up with a tuxedo, so what’s with the black and white? Secondly, every piece was comically unfinished. If one has to enlist the help of the model to help one sew the jacket together right before the runway show, it is safe to assume that one has bitten off quite a bit more than one can chew. Ricky eventually had to settle for pinning the model into the clothes, leaving him to rely only on prayer that Nina wouldn’t see the metal gleaming from inside the seams. Well, eyes like a hawk she has, and she sure enough called Ricky out for the pinning. And honestly, I really don’t think the sharp, metallic tinkling of light coming from inside the coat was going to be confused for bling bling. Basically, Ricky is found guilty of Boring and Unfinished, something the judges have already addressed, so I fear Ricky is not long for this Runway.

The two looks joining Jack in the Top 3 belonged to Kevin and Kit Pistol. Starting with Kevin’s, I respect his color choices and his overall plan, but I can’t say it turned out that well. If I was judging, I would have questioned the shirt being too short to tuck into the pants. That’s either a conscious decision that must be defended or a mistake. Besides that, the sleeves look way too tight, which I can tell you for true, is very uncomfortable. Tight sleeves are a deal breaker for me in a dressing room. I’m also not thrilled with the fact that the judges sort of glossed over the fact that Kevin tried to pin the vest together, considering how they raked Ricky over the proverbial coals about his pinning. Surprisingly, Tiki seemed to enjoy this look, especially the color, and I can see it working on him with some major adjustments.

Kit was a close second with her very dapper ensemble. The pants are well made and very flattering, and the fleece jacket is a very nice bonus. I love the idea of a fleece sport coat, and I’m surprised no one has thought of it before, especially because it can be done cheaply. The only real complaint I have about this look, and I think the judges probably agreed with me (hence, Kit not winning) is it might be just a tad bit too conservative (as in, it looks too much like a prep school uniform). It isn’t boring by any means, but it might not be flashy enough for a TV show. There does have to be a punch to the outfit when you’re on screen. Anyhow, well played, Kit!

Snooooozzzzzzzze… I’m so disappointed in Chris March this time! How could someone who routinely works with drag queens let something so dull shoot out of his sewing machine? All black? Really, for TV? If the challenge was designing for Michael Kors, then SCORE, but Tiki said he liked color! There’s nothing wrong with it, really, even if it is a little Miami Vice at a formal dinner party, but I just expected something a little more exciting from Chris March.

Beside that is the design by Christian, who redeemed himself from last week, at least in my eyes. I think the whole thing is very stylish, not to mention well-made. I really like the curving zippered collar on the shirt, and the jacket and pants appeal to my love of all things shiny. I think Christian did an excellent job of experimenting with texture and fit here, and the only reason he didn’t do better would probably have to be his lack of consideration for Tiki’s body. This isn’t something Tiki could wear, true enough. However, it’s very cool looking. Pray Christian keeps it up. Pssstt… I’m not super excited about the detail on the jacket pockets, but… moving on…

As we dig through the middle of the pack, the designs start to smack of strange styles, all of which I’m sure were unintentional. Elisa’s look on the left is very nice. It fits that model like a dream and doesn’t betray any of Elisa’s weaknesses when it comes to finishing and finesse. However, doesn’t it look a little… Renaissance Fair to you? I’m getting a distinct peasant vibe. Granted, this peasant is very well put together, but urchin-like nonetheless. Perhaps it’s the earth tones, or the fact that the vest doesn’t close… I don’t know. I like it well enough, it just makes me want to sing madrigals and eat a turkey leg. It isn’t helping that the model is very cave-man-like. I mean, Good God, who did his makeup?

And then there’s Jillian’s outfit, which is as pimped out as it can be, minus the pimp-cane and pimp-hat. Ok, it isn’t so much “pimp” as much as it is “Saturday Night Fever” but I still have to question the whole 70’s vibe. There’s the high-waisted vest, the prominent collar, the light-colored shoes… yep, he’s got all he needs to hit the disco, so let’s go boogie.

Rounding out the rest are Rami, Steven, and Victorya, respectively. If I may start with Rami? That’s totally what I wore for three years in Catholic Junior High. I’m completely serious. Blue slacks, white shirt, and a tan jacket. While this look is definitely classic and very well-made, it is also B to the Oring. ALSO! Much fuss was made over Carmen’s jacket looking suspiciously like a Members Only jacket. As someone who owned several of those jackets [shudders] I will testify here and now that this jacket is closer to Member Only than anything else that came down the runway.

Next, it’s Steven’s ode to the armed forces. Tell me this doesn’t smack of a sailor on shore-leave! First of all, he’s wearing an ascot. I love me an ascot every now and then, but, wow… that’s dated. Second, those pants are so high-waisted; perfectly executed, mind you, but all the way up to the navel. In fact, I’d say Steven flew right past classic and ran into retro. Thirdly, the sweater is tucked into the pants, and while I know some guys do this, it has a tendency to age a person. If I think about it, I can’t think of any old guys that actually tuck in their sweaters, but that doesn’t change the fact that it’s an old guy thing to do. More specifically, it’s a mistake an old codger would make, along with putting on different colored socks. All of those together equal a thrilling evening of tap-dancing and Singing in the Rain with the rest of the Brat Pack.

Finally (I know, right! I’m tired, too), Victorya has designed the perfect outfit for Tiki to wear if he has to go wait some tables right after chilling with Al Roker and Meredith V. I really can’t say anything else about it because that’s seriously all I see. If that model had a thought bubble beside his head it would say, “Would you like some freshly ground pepper with that?” And for Realz! White jacket, black pants, and BROWN SHOES!! NOOOO!

So the first menswear challenge in Project Runway history has come and gone. What have we learned?

1. Designing for men is HARD!
2. Male models are very hot – well, we didn’t so much learn that as have it enforced, and quite convincingly.
3. It is very hard to design for men without everything starting to look like a uniform.
4. Tiki Barber used to play football and was allegedly pretty decent at it.
5. If it is decided that Project Runway officially jumped the shark this season, this episode will surely be the one blamed.

Project Runway Episode 2

After a most auspicious beginning, Project Runway has continued to astound and thrill me… perplex and bamboozle me… basically be the best show on television. Except for maybe Pushing Daisies. Or Supernatural (mmm… Padalecki).

One of the contestants, Carmen, hinted in the promotional materials that this season would bring some of the most surprising and exciting guest judges ever and I have to say, Show definitely delivered.

Episode 2 begins with the traditional insincere mourning of the most recently Auf’ed designer, which was… geez, I can’t even remember that loser’s name… Samantha? Siddhartha? [tick tock tick tock…] SIMONE!! Yeah, the other designers aren’t too upset, either. When Heidi comes out on the Runway, she tells them this challenge will involve designing something for a celebrity and fashion icon. Ok, see, the last time she said this, Nicky Hilton came strolling through the doors, so I’ve taken everything Heidi says well salted ever since. Heidi won’t be divulging the mystery guest, though; Show has left that up to Tim Gunn, so the designers head back to the workroom. As they wait, several names are put forward, such as Madonna and Britney Spears. First, Madonna would never let some random reality contestant near her person. And Britney can barely be trusted to show up to her own videoshoots, much less a court hearing about custody of her own children, so I’d say these designers have either been living under fabulously decorated rocks, or are just plain stupid.

When Tim comes in to announce the celebrity judge, the anticipation is palpable, and for once I don’t get the feeling the tension has been fabricated by the editors and a soundtrack. The room is actually, factually intense. Who. Will. It. BE?



OMG! It’s frikkin’ Sarah Jessica Parker. I’m not ashamed to admit I totally squeeed in my living room. I can’t effectively explain what it is about SJP that makes the gays and many straight females adore her so (and just to be fair, I know plenty of both that can’t stand her), but she has always struck me as approachable and professional and nice and all those things we all hope celebrities are, even when we know they aren’t. The designers are understandably awe-struck, and I think some of the gays even have the vapors. Chris March is crying, you see, because SJP and her inspirational turn as Carrie Bradshaw in Sex in the City was one of the main reasons he moved to New York in the first place. As expected, Ms. Parker is gracious and as sweet can be as she informs the designers they will be designing a two piece look for her clothing line, Bitten, and it MAY (note: operative word) be sold at certain department stores with the Bitten Brand. But there’s a catch (like always): Bitten is a bargain brand, as SJP passionately explains, because fashion shouldn’t have to be a luxury. Tim Gunn goes on to say that the two piece look must retail for less than $40, so the budget for this challenge will be… $15. Chris March assumes they will be making the clothes out of toilet paper and Scotch tape, and he’s totally kidding, but I’m all… make it work!

Aaaaaaannnnnnnddddd… this is a team challenge, with the designers working in seven groups of two. After a hilarious little montage in which La Parker proves everything I assumed about her personality (see above), SJP announces the seven captains who will show their work on the runway, and they are: Victor(unnecessary)ya, Kit Pistol, Marion, Rami, Christian, Ricky (is he going to cry? Probably), and that box of crazy, Elisa. The seven captains then pick their partners in a lottery, and the only real news there is Sweet P is a little nervous about working with Elisa, and… she probably should be.

So they sew and they cut and they sew some more, and that brings us to the runway show.

Let’s start with the winner…

Victorya and Kevin put together this shirt-dress and vest, and once again, I’m a little underwhelmed, but having seen the rest of the designs, I’m not altogether critical of this choice for the winner. The vest is done in a tasteful red plaid, which compliments the dark color of the dress quite nicely, and the frou-frou around the neck is interesting, although it is does remind me of the flower embellishment she threw at us last week. So with the exception of the vest, she’s made the exact same dress. Beware the one-note, Victorya!!

And now the loser…

Umm… Yikes. I have to give credit to SJP for so diplomatically (and perhaps desperately) trying to find the good in this piece, because I absolutely hated it. Heidi said it looked like something she would find in her basement, dirty and nasty-looking, and I really have to agree with her, although I may not want to see her basement anytime soon. The look is so heinous, we have to wonder why SJP picked Marion in the first place, so the editors make sure to flash us a good look at his sketches, and it is decidedly more interesting on paper. Marion explains that the knitted fabric of the top sagged and stretched after being worked, which he had not anticipated. Be that as it may, that still doesn’t explain why he picked that drab color. Unfortunately, the god-awful-ness of the top totally obscures whatever goodness the skirt might have been, and based on what we saw of it during the construction phase, it might have been decent looking, but… alas, the skirt is ignored. A horrendous tent of a top has the tendency to do that.

I have to assume that all of these designers have seen this show before, because neither Marion nor the other captain in the bottom two tried to blame their failures on their partner. So Marion? Auf!

Christian and his partner Carmen were the other twosome that found themselves in the bottom 2, and I’m really surprised Christian let this come down the runway. I was so impressed with him in the first challenge, and I had high hopes this look was going to blow me away, but when it came down the runway, I knew he was in trouble. Don’t yell at me, but I actually like this look quite a bit, mostly because it seems like something Nelly Furtado would wear – and didn’t you hear, the 80’s are making a comeback (call all your friends!). However, this couldn’t have been further from the Bitten aesthetic, so from a purely commercial standpoint, it’s a definite miss. I was impressed by SJP’s assessment of the outfit: the look is too short and too severe. I couldn’t have said it better myself. The jacket is exquisitely made, though.

Despite some decidedly odd moments during the construction phase, Elisa and Sweet P put together this number. I don’t hate it at all, and I agree with the judges when they said that it looks expensive for something made with only $15, but I can’t say I’d enjoy it if I saw it coming down the street. I dunno, maybe it has something to do with the length (SHORT) of the skirt paired with the cozy-looking cape. It’s like when you see frat guys wearing shorts with a long-sleeve sweater – there’s nothing inherently wrong with it, it just looks silly. Anyway, with the unimportant exception of the color, the dress is very fetching (both SJP and I love the sleeves), and the cape is cute enough. Most importantly, the look is polished, finished, and expensive looking. Maybe Elisa isn’t as loony as she seems, even if she does spit on the fabric. (sidebar: I really don’t get what was so bad about the whole spit-marking thing. Granted, it’s odd and little bit gross, but why was Sweet P so scandalized? It isn’t like Elisa wiped her butt on it or anything! {Ewww! I’m sorry about that! If I think about it, maybe I’ll delete that before posting}{or maybe I won’t.})

Ricky and Jack worked together to create this outfit, and I really wish it had received just a little bit more credit for being the one outfit I think most women would actually wear. A lot of women can’t pull off a t-shirt dress, especially if they’re of a certain size, and even less women could work a neon blue mini-dress and a cape. This dress, though, seems highly accessible. I love the detailing on the collar and the contrasting texture on the belt.

These last two middle-of-the-road looks are courtesy of Rami/Jillian and Kit/Chris. I put them together because they're basically the same: black/brown tights and a black top. Hasn’t Lindsay Lohan been wearing this exact outfit for the past year or so? There’s nothing bad about either of these looks, but I just don’t see any creativity or inspiration. I have to remind myself that this is a client-based challenge, and that said, I’ll lay off. But seriously, lose the beret. This ain’t Paris.

To conclude: a moment from this episode that has quickly climbed the charts as one of my favorite moments in Project Runway history!!

Sarah Jessica Parker shaking hands with the air = GOLD!!