I'm only a week late with this...

Alright, let’s talk about the Oscars. This is the first time I’ve watched the entire ceremony in years (or really, ever) so I might as well blog about it.



Obviously, I loved Hugh Jackman. He’s kind of the only reason I watched. I hate that I’m that easy. Luckily, Hugh is more than just a handsome face. He was a charming host, indeed, and I liked the two musical numbers. The musical tribute to Musicals was a smidge under-rehearsed, but I’m always up for a dose of Beyonce, lip-syncing and nipple-slips and all. I LOVED the new format – it made the three-hour program seem to go by much faster. Some people are dogging the way they passed out the acting achievement awards (5 former winners gave a little speech to each nominee), but I thought it was fantastic. It gave each nominee due credit and also gave the award itself a sense of gravitas and distinction. Sometimes the other nominees get ignored, especially if there’s a clear favorite. For example, we all knew Heath Ledger would win for Best Supporting Actor (if he hadn’t, I think the Kodak Theatre would have spontaneously combusted), but I was glad that the other nominees, who didn’t have a prayer, got their asses kissed appropriately before losing.

I wasn’t invested in the awards themselves because I haven’t seen any of the movies, with the exception of The Dark Knight, so I have no comment or argument with how it all turned out. However, I did enjoy watching Sean Penn and Dustin Lance Black shame the gay-haters out there – that’s always fun. And I bought the Slumdog Millionare soundtrack less than five minutes after the ceremony ended, because GOD… I love Bollywood. For your info, if you see me anytime in the next few weeks, there’s a good chance I’ll scream Jai Ho in your face, that’s how much I love that song.

Enough about the awards and junk, let’s talk about the gowns! (after the jump)…

‘Twas a good year for Oscar fashions, my friends. Lots to see and lots to talk about. Unfortunately, though, there weren’t many epic fails to speak of. The world suffered a great loss when Cher stopped attending the Oscars. A great loss, indeed.

The Best:

Anne Hathway in Armani Prive

Anne Hathaway is definitely the winner this year. I love this gown. It’s everything an Oscar gown should be: glamorous, sparkly, and very fitted. I love how the beading swirls around her curves.

Kate Winslet in Atelier Yves Saint Laurent

Kate Winslet was resplendent in this grayish-bluish Yves Saint Laurent gown. I like the asymmetry and the lace. However, I think I would like it more without the asymmetry – strapless or with both straps – because sometimes it is better to just PICK ONE.

Amy Adams in Carolina Herrera

Amy Adams was one of the few actresses in red, and she stood out in a good way. I’m not keen on the swath of fabric pinned to her sternum because I feel like it hides what could have been a very eye-catching bodice. In fact, it almost looks like it IS hiding something. Perhaps she is pregnant, or maybe she had a mishap at dinner. Anyway, the necklace is… random, but she definitely needed something up there to avoid looking boring.

Natalie Portman in Rodarte

The Nataport looked stunning. LOVE the color. And the detailing in front, with the beading and the pleating and the twisting, is interesting without being busy. I’m not sure why she chose to match her lip-stick with the dress, but that’s a small complaint.

Alicia Keys in Armani Prive

Alicia Keys had a good night. I love the color on her and the construction of the bodice is clever and different. Normally, I would balk at the idea of bunching up the fabric around one boob, but in this case it’s flattering and elegant. And the slit is a nice touch because it shows her legs, which brings it on home how great this color is with her skin tone.

Taraji P. Hensen in Robert Cavalli

Girlfriend is wearing the hell out of this Roberto Cavalli gown. It is beautifully made, for one thing, and it fits her like magic. The tiered fabric reminds me of Christian’s and Chris March’s dress from the avant garde challenge of Project Runway: Season 4, which is probably why I like it so much. I will say that the choice of white makes this dress come dangerously close to looking like they wrapped her in toilet paper.

The not great, not bad:

Sarah Jessica Parker in Dior

SJP showed up dressed like a horny ballerina. At least the huge tulle gown is balanced by her massive boobs leaping out of the top of her bodice. Seriously, even I was distracted. I like how Matthew Broderick disappears into the background of this photo – all eyes go straight to the globes. Anyway – it’s a pretty dress. The color is, apparently, barely mint, but it appears almost white in most of the photos I’ve seen. I don’t hate it at all, but it was a challenging dress to pull off, which she proved by almost tripping over it as she came on stage with Daniel Craig.

Miley Cyrus in Zuhair Murad

Mily Cyrus is getting a lot of flack for this dress, but I’m thinking that has more to do with her than the actual gown. I’m actually kind of fascinated; it calls to mind flowers, and the ocean, and Dutch tiles – all at the same time. The worst thing about it is that awful shell-looking thing on her belt. I don’t get that at all.

Angelina Jolie in Elie Saab

Angelina looked gorgeous, as usual, so no one can put her in the ‘worst’ pile. But I can call her out for wearing another boring black dress. What saves it for me are the green earrings. Great choice, for sure.

Heidi Klum in Roland Mouret

Heidi’s dress is interesting, indeed. I wish I could have been there so I could inspect the area for the safety wires and mirrors. How is this dress staying together? Normally, I don’t like dresses that make me think of origami, but I’ll admit that this is kind of neat.

Just bad:

Tilda Swinton in Lanvin

Tildes is one of the tiniest women in the world and yet she is wearing something that makes her look lumpy. Why? And the colors are so dull. I think I could come around to liking the top, if it wasn’t for that awful skirt.

Sophia Loren in Armani Prive

Sophia Loren’s gown has been around for awhile, showing up on several Red Carpets this season, with limited results. I don’t know if it’s the color, the color in conjunction with her skin, or what, but I think she looks like a giant, beached jellyfish. Those curly things on the bottom remind me of calamari, which doesn’t help.

Jessica Biel in Prada

Jessica Biel’s dress must be ill because it looks like it just threw up. Either that, or its sticking its tongue out at America.

Beyonce Knowles in House of Dereon

Beyonce is wearing a House of Dereon creation that can only be described as an abomination. First of all: that gold pattern looks like a couch made in Boca Raton (in 1978). The seaming widens her and makes her look three times as big as she is. The bottom is so heavy and full that it makes her head look freakishly small. And why is she standing like that? Don’t air out your pits on the Red Carpet!

Lisa Rinna in Gustavo Cadile

Who invited Medusa?

Since I’ve been turned to stone, I’ll stop there. What did ya’ll think? Did I leave anyone out – for good or fug?

Sex and the City

Of course I saw the Sex and the City movie this weekend, because (didn’t you hear) all gay men were required to do so by law. I’m all about the rules, ya’ll.



Since this blog is a spoiler free zone, my reactions are after the jump…

I hate to be predictable, but I loved it. Since I know you’re not surprised, I’ll steer this towards the stuff I didn’t like about it. Keep in mind that all of these quibbles are just that… quibbles. I LOVED the movie and everything it is and everything it tried to be.

I thought some of the clothes were ATROCIOUS! One of the biggest cogs in the hype-machine for the movie was the costume design shenanigans of Patricia Fields, and she certainly didn’t disappoint. It was definitely a spectacle. While the fashions on display were inspired, some of the clothes were so out there, so unrealistic, so bizarre, that I couldn’t help but open my eyes wide in shock. Frankly, I got distracted from the plot. The worst offense, in my opinion, was the styling of Samantha. She always seemed to be in massive shoulder pads and garish colors. She looked like a fluorescent linebacker. A friend of mine has a theory that they put her in those dramatic, shoulder-enhancing silhouettes to distract us from her apparent weight-gain (which I didn’t notice{mission accomplished?}). Later in the movie, the plot actually draws attention to her paunch – you see, she’s eating all the time because of the sexual rut she’s in with Smith. Yeah, Ok. So maybe there was a point to the GIANT shoulders, but that doesn’t mean I liked them.



Carrie had her fair share of awesomely bad looks, including the blue-feathered monstrosity she put in her hair on the day of her wedding. Remember when those leaked photos came out and everyone was talking about how ugly it all was (not the dress, but the styling), and the PR people tried to tell everyone it was a dream sequence or something. Well, nope. Carrie Bradshaw, a character who supposedly has taste, showed up to her wedding with a giant blue bird in her veil. I know it’s a movie and all, but I KNOW Carrie Bradshaw, and she would never do this. First of all, it takes attention away from her fabulous gown (a Vivienne Westwood). Second… oh screw it, there is no second. It was just ugly. There, I said it.

Anyway, I suppose they had their reasons for that whole wedding scene. Did I mention how awful the other girls looked in it? Maybe the gowns were commentary on the whole affair. They were grotesque, over-the-top, out-of-control… all the things Big couldn’t handle represented in fabric and high heels. If that was the point, then… well played, but still… it hurt my eyes a little bit. They bled fugly, fugly tears.

Alright, alright…let’s not argue (because I know you want to). Yes, Sex and the City is supposed to be fantastic and dramatic and out of this world… an urban fairytale, so I expect the fashions to be challenging and very forward. But where’s the line? I mean, I don’t think any of these women, if they actually existed, would ever want to look goofy… and I’m sorry, sometimes they looked goofy in Pat Field’s creations. Goofy might be an understatement.

Maybe my real issue is how fashion was used in the movie. Obviously, the clothes and the shoes and the labels were hugely important to the show, and I fully supported the obsession, but I can’t recall the show ever being bogged down in it. If anything, fashion was a prop or a symbol, something used to ingratiate the audience into Carrie’s world. Even when Carrie looked, as I said, goofy, it was never so awful that I couldn’t concentrate. (Actually, that’s not true, but I didn’t seem to care. Maybe I’m more immune to hideous clothes in small, 30 minute doses). I felt like the movie was soooo wrapped up in the clothes, that for the first time, the story actually suffered. Basically, it all kind of got out of hand, and if the costumes had been less obtrusive (read: if Pat Field had done a little editing), I might not have been so bothered.

Weirdly, I had no problem when shoes,clothes, or accessories were used as plot devices: Louise’s (from St. Louis) Louis Vuitton (WE GET IT!), Carrie’s apartment-squatting Manolo’s, Samantha’s MASSIVE peeping-tom hat… that’s the stuff I like, and it seemed more in tune to the spirit of the show.

Next! I was slightly disappointed in the treatment of the secondary characters. I mean, I know we can’t really focus on Stanley, or Tony, or Harry, or Magda… but they were used so sparingly, I felt teased. Like, I would have rather not had them at all. No. I don’t really feel that way. If they hadn’t been there, I would have missed them and this would be an entirely different paragraph. And this IS about Carrie and her friends, after all. I guess it’s a huge compliment I would miss the second fiddles so much, while also recognizing the fact that they couldn’t be around because it would take the spotlight away from who really mattered. I will say that I DID NOT appreciate the implication that Stanley and Anthony were now good friends (if not lovers) because that’s… just wrong. On the other hand, if that’s the only way they were going to make it into the movie… so be it.

Can we talk about Jennifer Hudson for just a quick minute? I loved her character. I loved the idea of her story. Buuuutttt, I didn’t like her. It felt uncomfortable, like I was watching a high school drama student bomb in her first production. The acting was soooo bad. I kind of felt sorry for her. On the bright side, she looked fabulous.

Ok, briefly, the things I loved!
1. The clothes (when they were good)
2. Charlotte’s bull-dog face after Carrie assaults Big in the street
3. Charlotte (again), but this time, I’m thinking of her face while she craps her pants
4. The final scene in the closet (I cried a little bit (not gonna lie))
5. Carrie calling Miranda out on the whole forgiveness thing
6. The girls calling Samantha fat
7. The wedding dress montage
8. One word: Dante

Really, I loved every minute of it. I don’t even know why I complained before. I take it all back. So CHEERS Queers, and all the drunk, middle-aged women who got tanked on Cosmos before coming to the theatre. Can’t wait until next time (you just know there’s going to be a sequel).

SJP, newest member of the Ministry of Silly Hats...

So, Viv called me the other day and we had just the most uproariously riotous conversation about Sarah Jessica Parker and arboreal headgear.

Apparently, the London Premiere of her new movie was the perfect time to inform the general public that she is not only obsessed with fashion, shoes, and boy-faced character actors, but also… horticulture as it applies to madhattery.



I know I’m late posting this, it happened two days ago, but I had to post it for posterity. Everytime I come to my blog I want to see this in all of its quirky, foolish, crazy-ass glory.

While I may want to remember this, I’m sure SJP’s costars would love to forget. I mean, can you imagine having to stand next to her on the red carpet, straining to keep a straight face? And what is to be done about the swarm of very confused bees following her into the theatre?



In all fairness, the dress is pretty… in a wood nymph, skipping through the meadow kind of way. And the hat, as a piece, is rather interesting. But as a hat? I don’t know. It’s hard to take it seriously because… I just can’t stop laughing at it. I think the acorn cap is the best part. It’s like Sarah Jessica Parker bloomed out of it upside down, like a fabulous, couture wearing, oak tree in reverse.