I’m alive and so are you…

Sorry I’ve been such a slacker with the blog lately. Call it an unplanned hiatus. Granted, the work issue has been bad for business, but I think I’ve turned the corner. I can’t blog, necessarily, but I can work on posts. I’m to the point that even if my boss suddenly appeared over my shoulder and read what I was writing, I wouldn’t care. I’d be all, "well… it isn’t like you’re giving me anything to do, so I’m just killing time, right? Transition and all that? you lazy bitch… oops, did I just say that out loud?"

I’m not bitter. I’m just bored.

Anyway, I know my readers will forgive me. At least, I know you’ll be nicer about it than my blog. When I signed on and opened up a post page, the first thing it did was shriek and crouch in a corner looking at me through its fingers, kind of like it was seeing a ghost. After a few moments, it said, in between involuntary shudders and gasps of breath, “Reeva? Is it really you?” After I responded in the affirmative, it jerked up and made for my throat. It throttled me violently as it screamed, “What! You don’t call, you don’t write. I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD!! Of all the rotten, horrible, thoughtless things you could do… I mean, it’s been WEEKS!!” With the little breath I could manage, I managed to squeeze out, “Geez, I’m sorry. I’ve been uninspired (gasp), and a wee bit depressed (wheeze) about things, and I didn’t want to (choke) bother you with complaints because I enjoy the idea (huff/puff) that my blog is half-way fun to read, instead of a downer.”

Happily, my platitudes (my very earnest and sincere platitudes) had an effect, and the bitch let go.

The blog went right back to business, even as the color began to return to my face. It adjusted its spectacles, whipped out its trusty clipboard of potential blogposts, and began to go over the to-do list…

“Alright, you lazy bastard,” it began, “we have a lot of work to do:
1. You are three weeks (I said THREE! [1, 2, 3]) behind on So You Think You Can Dance recaps. It seems unrealistic to expect full and detailed recaps, so management has agreed to let you do short versions…
2. You’ve seen two movies, Hancock and Wall-E, both of which you liked. I need to know why...
3. A new season of Big Brother and a new season of Project Runway have started without any commentary. This is a travesty and must be rectified immediately…
4. You’ve read three whole books (I know, weird) and I’m dying to know how that went…
5. You’ve watched the first season of Torchwood, a UK sci-fi show about bisexual alien-hunters. How was that for you?...
6. You knitted a scarf and it is IMPERATIVE that you show it off…
7. Not to MENTION the loads upon loads of celebrity gossip and hot men that have percolated through the blogosphere.”

I said, “Um… wow. That’s quite a lot, isn’t it?”

Without any sympathy, my blog responded, “Well, it’s your fault for letting things pile up like this. The good news is I’ve checked your appointments: work should be slow (yeah, I know, right?) this week, and you’re on vacation the week after, so I think you’ve got time. BUT, you need to get a move on, because those T.V. shows are just going to keep airing new episodes, and the celebrity gossip stops for no man.”

“Well, I suppose I should… get to it.”

“Indeed.”

“I missed you…”

“Aww… that’s sweet. Now shut up and type.”



Here’s the deal! I plan to tackle the to-do list with several posts, so check back often. Now that I’ve typed this, it’s kind of a commitment, so I do to follow through, I just can’t promise I’ll do it in a timely manner. Anyway, I’m back…

Earth Shattering News!

Uh-oh. This worries Tim Gunn.

Project Runway has been bought or sold or traded or… something… the point is: Project Runway is moving to Lifetime. Ok, maybe it isn’t so Earth-shattering. But it’s a dark day for Bravo, that’s for sure. In the last few years, Bravo has turned itself into one of the best cable networks, in my opinion, thanks to a great bunch of well-produced, well-crafted, and well-received Reality Competitions like Project Runway. While some of them have been more misses than hits (Top Design, anyone? Or how about Shear Genius? To be fair, I watched those shows and liked them just fine, but even I know they weren’t going to win any Emmys), Bravo’s line-up of shows is very impressive. I love Top Chef (who doesn’t), and Make Me a Supermodel was actually pretty awesome at the beginning, until that mob of male models took over everything and made the show reek of male insecurity, shame, and I can only assume Axe Body Spray (and by the way, Go HOLLY!), and Step It Up and Dance is promising to be a campier, gayer, sluttier version of So You Think You Can Dance, and… I just can’t think of anything wrong with that. It is fair to say that the success of the network for the past few years is thanks in large part to Project Runway, and I can’t even imagine what will happen to the network without their masthead. My guess, though, is it won’t be pretty.

Here’s the thing, if you really want to get to the nitty-gritty: Lifetime is Television For Women. No seriously, that’s their slogan. Bravo is Television For Gays (And Some Women), and seriously, that might as well be their slogan. If the powers that be feel the need to alter the format or tone of Project Runway in order to fit it into the Lifetime sensibility, it will FAIL! If they leave everything as it is, everything will be fine and Lifetime will get a huge ratings boost and we’ll all live happily ever after. There’s probably a lot of people out there who think Project Runway is ready for a makeover of sorts anyway (last season was rather stale, at least in the beginning), so maybe this will work out for the best. Personally, I don’t care. I just need my weekly dose of Tim Gunn. So Lifetime, if I may directly address you and channel The Gunn at the same time… “Make It Work!

2008 Summer Olympic Games...

This is the time of year when I start to get really excited about the Olympics. If you’ve followed this blog through the years, you know how obsessed I get during the Games. It’s the only time I am EVER interested in sports, and the Summer Games bring out an extraordinary butchness in me. I watch soccer and tennis and basketball and marathons and totally love it, too. I also watch diving and swimming and gymnastics and wrestling, but for the obvious reasons (like this one, or this one). For about a month, I turn into the typical sweat-stained, wife-beater wearing, beer swilling, bad facial hair growing, straight male couch potato. I’ll sit in front of the T.V. and yell and scream and curse at bad refs and judges, and I’ll jump up and down until the plaster drops from the ceiling when I get excited. The Olympics actually make me emotional… I mean, I feel things. So I’m glad it only happens every two years.

But the fates have conspired to make the 2008 Summer Games less than magical…

This whole Tibet crisis is making me nervous. The recent protesting in Paris, in which the runners carrying the torch were mobbed during their relay, is just another link in a chain of events that foreshadows all sorts of trouble for the impending Games, and it breaks my heart. Some of that is guilt, though. I think the situation in Tibet is terrible, and I’m all for calling China out for her human rights violations, but I really hope the conflict doesn’t screw with the Games. Does that make me a bad person? Oh well, if the Games face a massive boycott or worse, it would totally serve China right, in my opinion, even if my Olympic experience is blown.

I’m not up to speed on the history of the Tibet/China conflict, but I do know the conflict is very old and very deep. So it’s completely understandable to me why the Tibetans would be eager to take advantage of the international attention that comes with the Olympics to increase awareness of their situation. But that’s my American sensibilities talking… you know, freedom of speech and assembly and all that jazz. It isn’t really like that in China. China is such a fascinating place. While it DOES have an abysmal record when it comes to human rights and basic freedoms, it’s still a powerful nation, capable of influencing the world in direct ways. The news today was from San Francisco, where both parties in the argument faced off – Tibetan sympathizers vs. Chinese Americans. It’s a shame that the moving tradition of the torch relay had to be reorganized and redirected on the fly because of relatively peaceful yet undeniably intense protests – many people who came out to witness the once in a lifetime moment left disappointed – but this is par for the course for Olympic host cities, I think. The double-edged sword of hosting a major international festival like the Olympics has cut many cities before. While China hoped that hosting the Olympics would highlight their progress and power, the media spotlight has also exposed their faults… their proverbial skeletons in the closet. Of course, they saw this coming, which is why they’ve spent the years leading up to the event meticulously and systemically rounding up and silencing their critics. In a way, they’ve created the monster themselves.

I very selfishly hope everything works out in a peaceful way so the Games can go on without too much drama, but I very much doubt such a thing is possible. I’m sure the Games will happen, but marred by protests, confrontations, scandals, and boycotts, all of which is in direct opposition to the spirit of the Games. I very unselfishly hope that the Games can be an impetus for change in China, because that would be good news.