I know… I know… I’m a slacker for going so long without a post. But here me out! Things haven’t been all that great for me lately, and blogging is something I do when I’m happy. It’s hard to write about music and TV shows and entertainment when all I want to do is turn off the lights, eat a bucket of ice cream, and wallow in self-pity. Indeed, the past couple of weeks have been a shame spiral, and while I typically resist this kind of behavior (well, I try to anyway), this time it felt right to surrender to the gloom. My moods have been a trailmix of anger, fear, self-loathing and helplessness – and I figure the only way to come out of something like that emotionally intact, besides setting things on fire and/or cutting, is just to let it take its course, much like you do a debilitating migraine.
I actually did quite a bit of writing through it all, but I decided not to post any of it, mostly because I wasn’t interested in any comments of the “Hang in there, Kitty,” variety. When I feel like this, the last things I want to hear are the all-too-true platitudes about how the sun will come out or what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger or everything happens for a reason. Mostly, those kinds of statements just make me angrier, which we can all agree is counter-productive.
So what happened? Well, let’s just say, without getting too specific, my place of business screwed me over EPICALLY… AGAIN… and will continue to do so until I no longer work there. I’ve been looking for a new job for quite some time, but I’ve come up empty-handed, which only adds to my frustrations. I’ve decided to stick it out until my lease runs out, and in the meantime, I’m going to start looking for work in other locales. As crazy as it sounds, I really don’t want to move away. My family is here and despite all of its problems, this town owns my heart. You know what they say, you can’t help who (or in this case, where) you love. That said, a huge part of me can’t wait to get out of this burg.
And I know what you’re thinking… “Reeva, you should just be grateful you are still employed. There are lots of people out there doing much worse.”
To that I say, “Ah, yes… too true, too true. But again… counter-productive.”
The good news, I think I’m ready to start posting again – starting with an epic post entitled Reeva Dubois’s Depression Survival Kit. Part one coming very soon.
4 comments:
hang in there kitty!
(ps. shame spiral. this makes me laugh.)
did you get moved out of the kitchen at least?
I lurve you!
-C
Darn! No empty platitudes? There goes my schtick.
I say, go ahead and be pissed, super pissed even. Use the anger to get you through to something better.
Even when you're upset, you're a great writer ("trailmix of anger, fear, self-loathing and helplessness" - priceless!). Be sure to emphasize your writing skill on your resume. And let potential employers know that you have the ability to blog. You can drag them into the digital age if they aren't already there. (And lots of places aren't.)
Looking forward to your Depression Survival Guide.
Hubby says that even though he only knows you vicariously through me, he's concerned and he wishes you well. Ditto for me. Good luck!
E - yes, I did get moved out of the kitchen (the one positive thing that came out of it, lol).
Mary - ya'll are so sweet! And wow, the idea of blogging for a living is scary and exciting at the same time. It would be so much fun, but lots of pressure, too. Wait, that sounds like how a job should be. Hmmm...
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