I'm only a week late with this...

Alright, let’s talk about the Oscars. This is the first time I’ve watched the entire ceremony in years (or really, ever) so I might as well blog about it.



Obviously, I loved Hugh Jackman. He’s kind of the only reason I watched. I hate that I’m that easy. Luckily, Hugh is more than just a handsome face. He was a charming host, indeed, and I liked the two musical numbers. The musical tribute to Musicals was a smidge under-rehearsed, but I’m always up for a dose of Beyonce, lip-syncing and nipple-slips and all. I LOVED the new format – it made the three-hour program seem to go by much faster. Some people are dogging the way they passed out the acting achievement awards (5 former winners gave a little speech to each nominee), but I thought it was fantastic. It gave each nominee due credit and also gave the award itself a sense of gravitas and distinction. Sometimes the other nominees get ignored, especially if there’s a clear favorite. For example, we all knew Heath Ledger would win for Best Supporting Actor (if he hadn’t, I think the Kodak Theatre would have spontaneously combusted), but I was glad that the other nominees, who didn’t have a prayer, got their asses kissed appropriately before losing.

I wasn’t invested in the awards themselves because I haven’t seen any of the movies, with the exception of The Dark Knight, so I have no comment or argument with how it all turned out. However, I did enjoy watching Sean Penn and Dustin Lance Black shame the gay-haters out there – that’s always fun. And I bought the Slumdog Millionare soundtrack less than five minutes after the ceremony ended, because GOD… I love Bollywood. For your info, if you see me anytime in the next few weeks, there’s a good chance I’ll scream Jai Ho in your face, that’s how much I love that song.

Enough about the awards and junk, let’s talk about the gowns! (after the jump)…

‘Twas a good year for Oscar fashions, my friends. Lots to see and lots to talk about. Unfortunately, though, there weren’t many epic fails to speak of. The world suffered a great loss when Cher stopped attending the Oscars. A great loss, indeed.

The Best:

Anne Hathway in Armani Prive

Anne Hathaway is definitely the winner this year. I love this gown. It’s everything an Oscar gown should be: glamorous, sparkly, and very fitted. I love how the beading swirls around her curves.

Kate Winslet in Atelier Yves Saint Laurent

Kate Winslet was resplendent in this grayish-bluish Yves Saint Laurent gown. I like the asymmetry and the lace. However, I think I would like it more without the asymmetry – strapless or with both straps – because sometimes it is better to just PICK ONE.

Amy Adams in Carolina Herrera

Amy Adams was one of the few actresses in red, and she stood out in a good way. I’m not keen on the swath of fabric pinned to her sternum because I feel like it hides what could have been a very eye-catching bodice. In fact, it almost looks like it IS hiding something. Perhaps she is pregnant, or maybe she had a mishap at dinner. Anyway, the necklace is… random, but she definitely needed something up there to avoid looking boring.

Natalie Portman in Rodarte

The Nataport looked stunning. LOVE the color. And the detailing in front, with the beading and the pleating and the twisting, is interesting without being busy. I’m not sure why she chose to match her lip-stick with the dress, but that’s a small complaint.

Alicia Keys in Armani Prive

Alicia Keys had a good night. I love the color on her and the construction of the bodice is clever and different. Normally, I would balk at the idea of bunching up the fabric around one boob, but in this case it’s flattering and elegant. And the slit is a nice touch because it shows her legs, which brings it on home how great this color is with her skin tone.

Taraji P. Hensen in Robert Cavalli

Girlfriend is wearing the hell out of this Roberto Cavalli gown. It is beautifully made, for one thing, and it fits her like magic. The tiered fabric reminds me of Christian’s and Chris March’s dress from the avant garde challenge of Project Runway: Season 4, which is probably why I like it so much. I will say that the choice of white makes this dress come dangerously close to looking like they wrapped her in toilet paper.

The not great, not bad:

Sarah Jessica Parker in Dior

SJP showed up dressed like a horny ballerina. At least the huge tulle gown is balanced by her massive boobs leaping out of the top of her bodice. Seriously, even I was distracted. I like how Matthew Broderick disappears into the background of this photo – all eyes go straight to the globes. Anyway – it’s a pretty dress. The color is, apparently, barely mint, but it appears almost white in most of the photos I’ve seen. I don’t hate it at all, but it was a challenging dress to pull off, which she proved by almost tripping over it as she came on stage with Daniel Craig.

Miley Cyrus in Zuhair Murad

Mily Cyrus is getting a lot of flack for this dress, but I’m thinking that has more to do with her than the actual gown. I’m actually kind of fascinated; it calls to mind flowers, and the ocean, and Dutch tiles – all at the same time. The worst thing about it is that awful shell-looking thing on her belt. I don’t get that at all.

Angelina Jolie in Elie Saab

Angelina looked gorgeous, as usual, so no one can put her in the ‘worst’ pile. But I can call her out for wearing another boring black dress. What saves it for me are the green earrings. Great choice, for sure.

Heidi Klum in Roland Mouret

Heidi’s dress is interesting, indeed. I wish I could have been there so I could inspect the area for the safety wires and mirrors. How is this dress staying together? Normally, I don’t like dresses that make me think of origami, but I’ll admit that this is kind of neat.

Just bad:

Tilda Swinton in Lanvin

Tildes is one of the tiniest women in the world and yet she is wearing something that makes her look lumpy. Why? And the colors are so dull. I think I could come around to liking the top, if it wasn’t for that awful skirt.

Sophia Loren in Armani Prive

Sophia Loren’s gown has been around for awhile, showing up on several Red Carpets this season, with limited results. I don’t know if it’s the color, the color in conjunction with her skin, or what, but I think she looks like a giant, beached jellyfish. Those curly things on the bottom remind me of calamari, which doesn’t help.

Jessica Biel in Prada

Jessica Biel’s dress must be ill because it looks like it just threw up. Either that, or its sticking its tongue out at America.

Beyonce Knowles in House of Dereon

Beyonce is wearing a House of Dereon creation that can only be described as an abomination. First of all: that gold pattern looks like a couch made in Boca Raton (in 1978). The seaming widens her and makes her look three times as big as she is. The bottom is so heavy and full that it makes her head look freakishly small. And why is she standing like that? Don’t air out your pits on the Red Carpet!

Lisa Rinna in Gustavo Cadile

Who invited Medusa?

Since I’ve been turned to stone, I’ll stop there. What did ya’ll think? Did I leave anyone out – for good or fug?