I don’t know if this is a good thing or a bad thing, but I feel like this season has been going on for months. Like, I feel like I’m ready for the finale. Either my attention span has gotten shorter or I’m just not into the show. It’s gotta be my attention span.
So where were we? Last week, Chelsea T. and Thayne tanked big time, although no one could decide who was to blame (the uncommitted dancing or Mandy Moore’s tired choreography), Comfort and Chris krumped their way nowhere, and Susie and Marquis went home. Everyone else was decent, except for Kourtni and Matt (who were only OK) and Chelsie and Mark (who were frikkin’ brilliant). I’m aiming my poison darts at Chris and Jessica, although I’m pretty sure Jessica isn’t going anywhere, thanks to Will, who gets hotter and hotter to me every time I see him. Damn, that bitch got lucky.
Twitchington – Hip Hop
Tabitha and Napoleon are back with two more routines this week, and Twitchington will perform the first. It’s a Prison Break inspired clown dance, in that it’s silly and slapstick and not very hard-hitting (in my opinion). It kind of matches the first Hip Hop dance by TabNap from Week 1 with (God, I’ve already forgotten their names!... I’ll have to look them up… ahh, here we go) Rayven and Jamie, which was more of a comedy routine than anything. I’m starting to think Tabitha and Napoleon should stick to the slower, emotional hip-hop. Anyway, about thisdance… everyone loves Twitch, including myself, so I feel bad saying I didn’t really like this routine, but ya’ll, I didn’t really like this routine. And I think I disliked it because of Kherington. She’s about as gangsta as I am (which, not at all) and she pulls faces just as much as Matt and the rest, so I can’t help but feel like she’s getting an epic FREE PASS just because she is paired with Twitch. I seriously doubt she would be doing as well with a different partner, although I AM excited to see her dance with a different partner in a few weeks just to see if my theory holds water (I’ll be the first one to admit I’m wrong if she proves herself). Mostly, this was the first time I got the feeling Twitch was really pulling her along (much like Will is pulling Jessica), so I was a little peeved that she didn’t get roughed up by the judges like I thought she should.
Courtney and Gev – Rumba
Something miraculous has happened. Yes, Courtney is responsible for the single most miraculous thing that has happened in the history of this show. Somehow, someway, she worked the voodoo juuuust right… that I, the gayest of the gay, the queerest of the queer – I, who put the Ho in Homo – was turned on by a girl.
I don’t know how she did it, and really, I don’t want to know, but this was the sexiest, hottest, steamiest dance I have ever seen on this show. I suppose some credit must go to Gev, but in a bizarre twist, I barely saw him. I was too busy watching Miss Thang over there with her bad-ass sexitude. This routine was so good… it was like a slow burn. Something about the choreography allowed the chemistry to build and build until it boiled over. It was like these two were dancing alone… except we were watching, and feeling all sorts of dirty about it, but loving it at the same time. And can we talk about that dress?? SCANDAL! She was practically half-nude, but somehow, it didn’t look inappropriate. God, I love her right now. What is happening to me!?!
I don’t blame Gev at all for being totally in love with Courtney, and I think it’s kind of charming that he can barely hide how he feels about her. But I think dances like these are going to be the death of him. In a way, it’s kind of unfair. Did you see how she was looking at him during that dance? I’m sure she was acting, and I know she has a boyfriend, but I don’t think any red-blooded American Man could resist reading into those looks. That chemistry was real and I don’t care what anyone says!
Comfort and Chris – Jazz
I needed to cool down, and who better to that with than Comfort and Chris. This routine was a big ‘ol mess. At first I thought the choreography was to blame, but then I watched it a few more times and I’ve convinced myself that two better dancers really could have worked this routine out. It had rhythmic urgency, it had dynamic technical moves, and it was an interesting enough story. Somehow, though, Comfort and Chris found a way to make it suck. I was bored. That’s all I have to say about that.
Jessica and Will – Disco
Everyone hates on disco, but I happen to like it. I’ve enjoyed all the routines Doriana Sanchez has put together. I mean, her routines have amazing lifts and awesome partner turns… what’s not to like? Here comes Jessica to change my mind. Nah, I’m kind of kidding. I don’t hate her, I just think she sucks.
It’s no secret that Jessica is a weaker dancer than Will, but I feel like I’m being manipulated into treating her like an underdog, which I don’t appreciate. In the pre-package before the dance, we get a heart-wrenching backstory about how Doriana Sanchez had to put some tough love on Jessica, because up to this point, she’s been pretty bad, and she needs to step it up. Will this be the week? Well, I certainly didn’t think so. First of all, I didn’t need an instant replay to know that she botched that first death drop. I mean, girlfriend hit the floor with an audible thud, and then Will had to mop the floor with her to get her back up. The only reason I can be so critical is I’ve seen so many couples on this show with equal or lesser levels of technique pull off a perfect death drop, so it can’t be all that hard. And then there was that thing at the end – more obvious mistakes. But the whole routine looked frightening… something about their performance made me nervous. Nothing was effortless. Listening to the judges praise this pair and that routine was really irritating. I mean, I just ragged on Jessica quite a bit, but that doesn’t mean I’m OK with Will’s performance. That death drop was probably his fault, and he sure did lose his balance at the end, but the judges just can’t say anything bad about him. Is Debbie Allen going to cut them or something?
Matt and Kourtni – Contemporary
Hooray! A new choreographer. I was just thinking last week that we needed some new blood on this show. It isn’t that I don’t love Mia and Wade and Mandy and TabNap and all the rest, but it starts looking like more of the same. The new girl, Sonja, has a giant Mohawk that makes her look like a human My Little Pony, which really isn’t a bad thing in my book. She has put together a routine about quirky comic book characters who like to flirt. I, for one, really enjoyed the routine. It was the first time I liked Matt (ever) and the first time since her audition I liked Kourtni. The routine was maybe a little cutesy, but there were some killer moves that blew me away, like those side-by-side jumps in perfect unison (I think Mary pointed those out). All in all, I thought they did a good job, so I was surprised when Nigel continued to harp on Matt’s alleged lack of personality. I mean, what does he expect Matt to do?? It’s a mystery.
Chelsea and Thayne – Quickstep
Oh, Chayne… what is to be done with you? Everything about this made me sad. It’s like watching a sparkler in your hand – bright and explosive at first, but it slowly peters out, occasionally shooting sparks, until it just dims and dies. Chelsea and Thayne were my undisputed favorites three weeks ago, and now… look at them… tired and rundown and listless… and folding.
The Quickstep is supposed to be a curse on this show, and I think I believe in that curse now. Let’s start with what I really want to do, which is defend my favorite couple. The Quickstep is probably the hardest dance in the ballroom repertoire. Not only are the steps incredibly complicated, but the character is difficult to capture. It’s stiff but light… frenzied but smooth… happy but not hammy. I think I remember one of the professionals on Dancing with the Stars talking about how difficult this dance is, and if the professionals find it hard, what the hell are two contemporary dancers supposed to do with it after only 6 hours of training? The character of the dance, which is breezy and cool and easy, can only be captured if the couple is comfortable with the steps. A brilliant performer may be able to hide their discomfort by acting, but the audience is way more perceptive than anyone knows. Unease isn’t a look, it’s a feeling… and it’s unmistakable. Clearly, Chelsea and Thayne weren’t ready to perform this dance, and the nerves were impossible to hide. I think Nigel nailed it when he talked about the painted on grins, because it was obvious to me that the smiles were fake, like they were covering something. And Chelsea just didn’t seem interested, even. Someone on a recap said that Chelsea was phoning it in, and even though that makes me really sad, I can’t argue. And after getting thrashed by the judges last week, I knew they weren’t going to stay out of the bottom 3. Whether or not one of them (or both) would go home was totally dependant on who went with them.
Chelsie and Mark – Hip Hop
Oh, Hell YES! All I really have to say about this dance is LOVED IT LOVED IT LOVED IT. I was enthralled. The song was perfect, the choreography was brilliant, the story was touching… I mean, I can’t ask for anything else. Mark was amazing to watch, and Chelsie… oh, my girl, Chelsie… girl worked it out up there. The emotions were sincere and believable… I was completely convinced. God, if I were Mary Murphy this is when I would scream.
On a completely unrelated note… during their pre-package, was Chelsie coming off like a total twerp? I mean, she’s awesome and I love her and everything, but there was something about her personality in that pre-package that rubbed me wrong. I wonder if she was in character or something?
Katee and Joshua – Samba
Do we like Katee yet? Is everybody over that episode in Vegas? Yes? Good… because WOW! Another great Latin dance from Tony and Melanie, and after Courtney and Gev, I wasn’t sure I could handle more hotness, but I am soooo glad I did.
What I loved about this routine was that it was very sexy, but in a completely different way than Courtney and Gev’s. Courtney and Gev managed a sensual, lusty chemistry, whereas Katee and Joshua were more flirtatious and fun. The cool thing is both couples matched the character of each dance perfectly. The Rumba is supposed to be a seduction, while the Samba is a party. And without raining on Katee and Joshua’s parade, I’ll say they got lucky picking the Samba instead of the Rumba because I’m not sure they could have pulled off the sexual chemistry of Courtney and Gev. It doesn’t even matter, though, because they did exactly what they were supposed to do. Didn’t Katee look gorgeous? I was surprised the wardrobe people convinced her to wear the other half of Courtney’s dress (I know, but I’m tired so I’ll steal Nigel’s joke and you will LIKE it), but she should be happy about it because she looked awesome. And while I’m not particularly attracted to Joshua, I will admit freely that he looked damn fine in those ass pants. The boy has got serious junk.
My 3 favorites of the night were:
1. Chelsie and Mark – Hip-Hop by TabNap
2. Courtney and Gev – Rumba by Tony and Melanie
3. Katee and Joshua – Samba by Tony and Melanie
My Bottom 3 are:
1. Chelsea and Thayne – Quickstep by Heather Smith (it makes me heart hurt)
2. Comfort and Chris – Jazz by Tyce Diorio
3. Twitchington – Hip-Hop by TabNap
I tuned in on Thursday Night with some trepidation. I just had a bad feeling for my girl Chelsea. I was confident that she and Thayne would be in the bottom 3, but I couldn’t quite get my psychic forces to focus on the other two couples. A good bet would be Comfort and Chris, of course, but Comfort seems to be developing a cult of personality (and why not? She’s kind of a hoot). I was crossing my fingers the last couple would be Jessica and Will, because I figured Chelsea could beat Jessica in the solos.
Mia Michaels covered the group routine this week, and once again, I was angry at the camera-work. I’m pretty sure I liked it, but I didn’t feel like I saw enough to really make a decision. However, I do remember the song. If you’re interested, it was called The Dance by Charlotte Martin. I’ve listened to it at least 3,000 times today.
So the bottom 3 couples were announced in the order of their obviousness. Chelsea and Thayne, Comfort and Chris, and… (Awww crap!) Kourtni and Matt.
After the solos, and a semi-frightening performance from Jordin Sparks, Cat Deeley handed Chris and my girl Chelsea their walking papers. I couldn’t care less about Chris (oh, just go… be a tree), but I shed one salty tear for Chelsea. I truly believe there was better dancing in her… she just got screwed by some crappy choreography and the dreaded quickstep. So sad.
On the bright side… the idea of Comfort and Thayne is… well, kind of fascinating. I love that Comfort lost her partner and then got stuck with the second whitest guy in the competition. If she had trouble developing chemistry with Chris, I can’t imagine Thayne is going to make her job any easier. I predict a trainwreck, and I kind of can’t wait.