Friday, April 25, 2008

An Open Letter to the Maintenance Staff of my Apartment Complex…

CC: Apartment Complex Management

To whom it may concern (That’s you… Yeah, you, the one with the plumber butt:

Remember when I came into the office to report that the ceiling in my bathroom was leaking, like Wednesday of last week? Don’t look around like you don’t know what I’m talking about. It was only a week and a half ago. Actually, it was exactly a week and a half ago. An entire week and A HALF.

Remember when you said you would check it out immediately? Well, I’m pretty sure you didn’t get around to it until Monday of this week, because that’s when I noticed someone had been in my apartment and totally used my toilet. So you were late AND gross. And seriously, the least you could do is not leave the evidence. Also left behind was a note, the gist of which reads: “Yes, there is a leak. I see it. It is definitely leaking. Please let me know when it leaks again.”

Now, I don’t have a PhD of Advanced Fixing Stuff like you do, so God knows how it happened, but somehow we both came to the same conclusion. Indeed, the ceiling is leaking. This might come as a shock, but I didn’t report the problem just so someone could come over and agree with me. That’s what my friends are for. No, I was really hoping someone would come and FIX IT.

So when I got home from work on Tuesday and found fresh leakage all over my new bathroom rug, because you so generously removed the little container I had placed underneath the leak, I was understandably put out. Thank God I put the container back, because it leaked again later that night, and this time, not only did it leak about 1.5 cups, but also the water was brackish and dirty looking. I almost vomited.

So when I called yesterday and told someone at some desk somewhere that it had leaked again and I wasn’t playing around anymore and I wanted it fixed, I kind of hoped that would light a fire under your ass, but clearly, your ass is made of asbestos. Well, I don’t know what my ass is made of, but I’m sure you’ll be able to tell me because I’m about to show it to you!

With love,

Reeva Dubois

1 comment:

Mary said...

Reeva - If you had sent this note to me, I'd have laughed my ass right off and then hobbled (sans ass) to your apartment and fixed your leak pronto (as pronto as a person without an ass can move). :)